I have a friend I went to college with that I have recently reconnected with through Facebook. He and his wife are pregnant with their 3rd baby. I told him about our last two babies being born at home and I just wanted to share some of our dialogue:
"Let me ask you - and this is for my education only - but if you could have your babies at a hospital, with all the necessary staff and equipment standing by should anything bad happen, why wouldn't you? Seriously, just curious."
I wrote back:
"Good question. After teaching for almost 6 years and reading dozens of books on childbirth, I believe that what makes birth dangerous is all the interventions and drugs. When you know how your body works, along with the baby, in labor and birth, even a single intervention can interfere with that delicate process. I am also convinced that what makes birth "dangerous" is all the media and junk that we believe about it. ER has really done a number on our perceptions! Birth is a normal, healthy process that a woman doesn't need to be "delivered" or rescued from. We had midwives attend 3 out of 4 of our births, and they do have "necessary equipment" on hand. I just don't believe that birth is an emergency waiting to happen.
You and your wife should rent (Netflix) "The Business of Being Born" before you have this baby. You will find it fascinating. There have been lots of birth movies released this last year, but I think this is still my favorite one. Enjoy!"
I have found something interesting over the years: Women love to share their (mostly) horrific birth stories with other women, usually at those wonderful baby showers. Almost like they are trying to out do one another! About 3 years ago, I was at a dinner with several women, none of which I knew very well. One was pregnant and was commenting, "Why is it that everyone wants to tell you their worst birth story when you are pregnant?!" She was laughing about it and I told her that I could tell her story after story of wonderful birth stories, but they don't involve medication and intervention. The entire table got quiet. Not because they were dying to hear these moving stories, but because of the awkwardness. It was one of those "baby shower" moments for me.
Let's face it: We love the drama. Normal, unmedicated birth lacks drama. It's a lot of things, but "dramatic" typically isn't one of them. I've probably told hundreds of people over the years that I have my babies at home. I have found something so fascinating about that: They don't ask for details. Wouldn't you think that people would ask, "Wow, what was that like?" They don't.
People want to think that they need the hospital and all the "necessary equipment." It validates their birth choices. Plus, they just spent a lot of money on this birth in the hospital. They need to believe that all the interventions were necessary in order for their baby to be born. It's hard to accept that it would have just happened naturally without all the "professionals" helping to remove the baby from it's mother's body. I spent $2500 on both of our homebirths. (Yes, that includes pre-natal, birth, and postpartum.)
I have been called irresponsible a time or two. When you give birth in a hospital, choices are made for you. Your opinion is often not even asked for. (Ex: Do you know why your baby was given the eye drops? Probably not, it was just done.) When you give birth at home, you are making decisions about every thing that happens there, even what to do with the placenta. You have to be educated. I had to accept much more responsibility in my homebirths than my hospital births.
I have also been told on occasion, things like, "My baby would have died if I would have had him at home" or "I would have died if I had tried that." Again, however, as I've stated before, most of the time, the reason for those complications, usually trace back to the interventions or the drugs. Their births likely were safe until they started intervening with the natural process. That is what makes birth dangerous.
I absolutely believe that home is more safe than a hospital to birth your baby. The hospital staff just cannot seem to leave things alone. Even if you are not having drugs, you are having vaginal exams, (usually) excessive fetal monitoring, often an IV, and ultimately you have a bunch of clock watchers. This leads to problems, such as the use of forceps or vacuum extraction of the baby or a C-section.
It is important to note that in order to give birth at home, you must meet certain "criteria" and be low risk, as more than 90% of women are. There are so many competent, compassionate, wonderful midwives out there. Interview them. Find out how wonderful your birth can be. For the umpteenth time: Trust your body. It grew the baby, it will birth the baby. As one of our midwives said, "Birth is 90% in your head and 10% what happens to you." I believe this.
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