I have thought so much about Sheri's comments about the book she read that said that for every month you breastfeed your baby past 1 year, the more dependent he/she will become and the harder it will be to wean that child. It has driven me crazy!
My last 2 children were breastfed for 24 months and 28 months, and they are both very outgoing and "independent." One is very mature for her age and can talk to adults and children alike. The other is creative and such a free-spirit. I am so close with both, but they are very comfortable with people and really, well-adjusted individuals, so far in their short lives. They were never purposely "weaned." It was just a natural process that happened. The others were 15 months and 19 months the last time they breastfed -- still respectable amount of time. None of my children are joined at my hip. They all lead pretty normal, healthy childhoods.
When I was born (1971), it was very popular to not breastfeed (I was not breastfed), to let your baby teach herself to fall asleep on her own -- even if that meant crying alone in a dark room, and feeding on a schedule and only then, and even starting solid foods when just a few days old. If you didn't do these things, you were going to spoil your baby. Who would ever want that?
I am a product of that type of parenting. So are my brother and sister. We are all extremely independent, but I don't know how "attached" we were/are. I like to think that now, at 37, I am attached, but it's taken years. My father and I never got along until I was well into my 20's. I would never have gone to him with my problems or questions while I was growing up. If I had a bad dream at night, I was angrily sent back to bed. I don't remember ever crawling into bed with my parents after a bad dream. This really wasn't their fault though. The parenting books generally said the same thing at that time.
So, yes, it fostered independence, but not attachment. Not trust. When I was 16, I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle halfway across the country because I couldn't get along with my parents (really, father). But it was a cycle that started long before my teenage years. Now that is just my story.
Imagine being a small child. No matter how much you love your brothers and sisters, it is your parents that you look to for love, support, comfort, knowledge, trust, and understanding. If you are denied comfort, you learn to not trust.
I don't know about y'all, but I'd rather have my child be attached to me than independent from me. What is wrong with some dependency anyway? What's all the fuss? Are we afraid that they'll never leave the house? They will. And we will be sad. I love to know that I can be dependent on certain people in my life. Interestingly, my aunt and uncle are at the top of that list.
David read this over my shoulder and said he was worried that this would hurt my mom's feelings. I don't know if she'll ever read this, to be honest. This is so not a pity party. I am simply commenting on how parenting philosophies have changed over the years. I've often thought of how I was raised and why I am the way I am. Don't we all? My mom is great. She has always gone above and beyond for me. My mom and I are close and really have always been. My father died 2 years ago, but the last several years were much different than they were growing up. I don't think my dad liked having small children around, and I really don't think he liked having a rebellious teenager daughter! He did much better with adult children!
So, Mom, if you are reading this, I love you! You have always let me be me, even though it has surely driven you insane sometimes. I learned that lesson from you when dealing with my own children. They are their own person and I can't make them be what/who I want them to be. You never did that to me and I am grateful for that.
I've turned this into a therapy session. I apologize. I hope this causes you to ponder your own upbringing, what it means in your life, and how you want to use it in raising your own children.
Be wary of any advice that is not good for baby, but very convenient for the parents. Attach those babies!
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