I had the privilege of spending time with a family this morning who is due with their fourth baby in a couple of weeks. This particular mom had an epidural with her first 3 babies and has decided that she wants to give birth without medication this go-round. Her and her husband have been taking my class by DVD, but we added a couple of live classes too: Techniques of Relaxation and Children at Birth.
I rarely have the opportunity to teach my Children at Birth class. As you may have noticed, there's not a lot of demand for a class preparing children for witnessing the birth of their sibling!
I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately, knowing that I would be teaching this class. There is something very special about a mom who wants her other children to be present for the birth of her new baby. It becomes the birth of a family, really. With each child the family dynamics change, and inviting older children to be a part of that is so special. Sacred, really. She is placing enormous value on her older children by allowing them this opportunity to be a part of this wonderful, life-changing event.
A few years ago, I had a dear friend who was pregnant with her fourth baby. When she told her children that they were going to have another baby, it was the oldest child that had the hardest time with it. After days of crying and consoling, she finally got to the root of what the real issue was that he was struggling with -- he remembered her going to the hospital and being gone for a long time, someone else taking care of him and the house, and then mom coming home with a baby that took up all her time! And to think, we worry about the younger babies and how they will handle a new sibling! We often think that the older ones have done this before and will be just fine. I've often wondered, if he had been invited to the birth, even after leaving the hospital after the birth, he probably would have been okay with Grandma, or whoever, running the house for a couple of days.
When I was pregnant with our last baby, we had not had any ultrasounds during the pregnancy. We just knew she'd be a boy! Two out of three of our children chose to be present for the birth. Had our only boy not been there, I think it would have been much more devastating that "he" was a "she." He found out with the rest of us. He felt a part of it. He was the first child downstairs the next morning, climbing into bed to snuggle up next to the baby, declaring, "I love her more than anything in the world." I have replayed this over and over in my mind over the years and it always comes back to him being a part of the birth.
I so enjoyed the children I met with today. The oldest was a 10-year-old boy and the younger (invited) child is a 6-year-old girl. The two-year-old will NOT be attending the birth! We talked about the process of labor and their roles and what mom will need from them. We talked about the sounds and facial expressions mom might make. We talked about the placenta, the umbilical cord, vernix, IVs, and monitoring. We watched a video where children are present for the births of their siblings. It's so good to see how these other children are "handling" birth. It's quite different to talk about birth versus actually seeing a birth. In the end, the 6-year-old decided that she may not want to be there. (My one child who chose not to be there was also six at the time.)
It is so important that children be allowed to make that decision. But how wonderful to be invited to a birth. It's an honor, no matter your age or profession, but a very rare opportunity for a sibling.
Thank you, Katie and Nick, for inviting me into your home today to teach your children. It is a special thing you are doing, not only for them, but for yourselves and your family. Make sure everyone records it in their own special way. Good luck and I'll be looking forward to hearing about this wonderful birth.
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