"I sat on the ultrasound table willing my eyes to not see what was there. Or not there. Before the tech could say, "Did you say your husband had a cleft lip?" I knew. I saw the dark space between my baby's top lip. A quick reply to the tech, "Yes" and he confirmed what I already knew; my third child would be born with a cleft lip and palate.
I gathered my thoughts and two children and went to the car to call my husband. As I made the call to Jay, who was working out of state at the time, I made a decision; This baby would not be treated any differently. I would not find out if this baby was going to be a boy or a girl. I would still have an unmedicated birth. This baby would still receive breast milk.
I had nursed my other babies for as long as they would. 11 months and 15 1/2 months. I would give this baby the same. For as long as I could.
I started reading about breastfeeding a baby with a cleft lip/palate. I knew it would be a difficult thing to do alone. After a good amount of research I realized I would probably need to pump to help things along. I taught myself about pumps and what I would need to do to build up a supply of breast milk. I will be forever thankful to the woman who gave me a high quality pump. I assembled my kit and waited for my baby to be born.
We welcomed our big healthy baby boy of 9 lbs 10 ounces! … oohing and ahhing over him and announcing his name immediately, “Luke.” When our pediatrician came to check on us he stuck his finger in Luke’s mouth to inspect his suck. "Great!" he said, "Luke will be able to nurse."
But latching on was difficult. Luke had only one side of his palate intact. Like drinking through a straw with a hole in it, he just could not make a complete seal to latch on. I started pumping round the clock. Every 2-3 hours. Before we left the hospital I had started finger feeding Luke. I had a syringe with the milk that I had pumped with a tiny tube attached and taped to my pinkie finger. I would let Luke “suck” on my pinkie while I would slowly press the syringe to "let down" the breast milk. It became a cycle. Pump --> Wash pump parts --> Finger feed --> Start all over again.
The hope was that by finger feeding, Luke would not get attached to a plastic bottle nipple, and that eventually we would succeed in getting a proper latch. But how long could I keep doing this? After a week of pumping and finger feeding and trying to get Luke to latch on I made a very important decision. Was it more important for Luke to receive breast milk, or to breastfeed? I wanted both. But I chose breast milk.
I pumped and pumped and pumped some more. Luke drank it up with a bottle created for babies with clefts, using a pigeon nipple. I was ecstatic when I was able to pump enough to put some in the freezer. I cried when I would spill the "liquid-gold." I was thrilled when I would fill up a bottle enough to feed Luke and have some leftover. I was satisfied when we saw him grow steadily and maintain his healthy weight.
I pumped in the car, I pumped at church. I pumped at the mall. I pumped in hospitals during Luke’s surgeries. I pumped in the movie theater. I pumped while I fed Luke. I pumped on a road trip across 6 states and back again. I pumped when I didn't want to. I pumped while eating dinner. I pumped A L L T H E T I M E.
Luke grew and grew. I had times when I didn't think I could do it anymore. I thought I could not keep up with what Luke needed. I received a few bottles of donated breast milk and constant encouragement from family and friends. I drank a lot of water. Ate oatmeal. I smelled like maple syrup from taking fenugreek supplements. I did all that I could. All the while keeping the goal in mind. I wanted Luke to have breast milk just like my other kids. I had to fight the urge to blurt out when others saw me feeding him a bottle "this is breast milk, not formula!"
After almost a year I knew when it was time to be done. When I had done all I could do and it was time to be finished pumping. We celebrated. Friends threw a "Pump No More 2004" party for me compete with breast balloons.
I said goodbye to that pump and all of its parts. I said goodbye to the rhythmic song I’d listened to every few hours all year long ... “a-boom-dee-yea-a-boom-dee-yea.” I said goodbye to washing pump parts. I said goodbye to the round the clock 2-3 hour cycle. I said goodbye to that year of pumping and I was thankful to be done. Thankful to have given Luke exactly what I had given my other two children. The best start."
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