Leashing Your Kids

Let me preface this post with a controversial statement:  I can't stand animals.  I have no desire to be a pet owner whatsoever, much to the dismay of all three of my girls.  Especially Darcy.  I've never seen a child love animals more than she does.  Now, don't get me wrong, I like going to the zoo just as much as the next mom.  I just don't want to own animals.  I have four children.  That's enough responsibility for me.  I can't even keep a plant alive.

A few weeks back, I posed the question on my Banned From Baby Showers Facebook page, what topics would you like to see on the blog? Several of you asked what I thought of leashing your kids.

So, what is the politically correct response to this question, especially from an advocate of Attachment Parenting?  I'd have to say, surely it is to not leash your child, like you would your dog, right? 

I've written a bit about my life here and I think you've gotten the picture that I was a pretty rowdy teenager.  Definitely a rule breaker.  Apparently I was the same as a toddler.  When I was 18 months old, my dad kept me on a leash every time we went anywhere.  He gave it to me as a gift when I had my own children, only partially joking.

The only time any of my children were leashed was when Vena (#2) was about 18 months old.  We were at "Breakfast on the Plaza" for a 4th of July celebration in my hometown of Santa Fe, NM.  My dad insisted that I put her on my old leash because there were so many people.  I absolutely refused and told him that if he wanted her on a leash, he was going to have to do it.  He got her harnessed up and it lasted, maybe, 5 minutes.  She screamed her head off!  (I thoroughly enjoyed it.)  With everyone staring, he agreed that maybe it wasn't the best idea.  He said that if only I'd started her off that way as soon as she started walking, it would have worked.  Yes, this was the parenting I was raised on.

I have no doubt that my dad was just concerned for Vena's safety, and mine when I was a toddler.   It is a scary thing for any parent to have a small child in a large crowd.  It only takes a split second to lose them. 

As you can imagine, I carried all my babies in a sling and rarely even used a stroller.  When they got older and we were on all-day outings, I would definitely take a stroller too.  But sometimes, let's face it, the kid wants out -- and needs out -- to run around, to stretch their legs.  Obviously, the parents have to watch them every single second and it can be a stressful event.

All kids are so different too.  When my son was about 2, we lost him in a Super Target in Orem, UT.  OK, wait -- David lost him -- I was in a dressing room.  He let him out of the cart "for just a second," and he was gone.  One thing about Daymon, when his feet hit the ground, he was running!  For 10 minutes we had no idea where our son was.  He had made it to the very back of the store when a very nice lady picked him up.  Yadda, yadda, yadda, David learned his lesson!

I read a funny story one time about a mom who was in the front yard with all the neighborhood moms and kids.  Her 2 year old boy took off down the road.  She had a baby on her hip and another one on the way.  She was wearing "the cutest clogs" and had no idea how she was going to chase her son down the road.  She got a great idea and yelled as loud as she could "ETHAN!  ICE!  CREAM!"  Sometimes we have to be resourceful.  Each child is so different and cannot be treated the same as the next.

I think it's really easy to judge a parent that has their child on a leash -- I know I've done it -- but in the end, we don't know the parent's frame of mind at that point.  (Maybe they've lost a child before, maybe she's pregnant and not feeling well, maybe the kid hates the stroller and screams in it, etc.)  There could be a million reasons why they made the decision to use a leash.  Ultimately, if the child is happy (not screaming like Vena was), mom or dad is probably happy, everyone is safe.  I don't really care.  I'd rather see a happy toddler walking around on a leash than a parent trying to keep a child in a stroller, cramming a bottle in his mouth trying to keep him quiet. We've all witnessed that, I'm sure.

One of my former students was at the zoo recently and she sent me a picture of a father holding up a stroller with the child in it to see the animals.  Heaven forbid he should take the child out and actually hold him up to see.  They obviously wanted the child to stay in the stroller.  A leash would have been so much better and have forced the parents to have more interaction with their child.  

So, I don't think this is so cut and dry.  It must offend us because we see it the same way as leashing a dog.  But why do people leash their dogs?  So they don't run away.  It's all the same.  People love their dogs.  People love their children.  They want them to have the freedom to walk, but they also want them to be kept safe.  Besides, the leashes I've seen lately are so cute, like animal backpacks!  Mine was just a rope, like a hanging.

What I'd really like at this point in my life is a leash for my 14-year-old son.  That's another story for another day.