Birth Activism will continue to be a big topic here, but I wanted to talk about something that has been driving me crazy. A couple of things have led to this blog post. First, someone sent me a link to a post titled "Mind Your Own Birth" by a CNM. I hate the title. But I'll come back to that in a minute.
The other occurrence was after posting on my Facebook page about a 16-year-old girl who found out she's pregnant and was turning to her young friend for advice. The friend sent me a message and I asked if I could share her question/dilemma. Let me just say, I am not trying to turn this into a pro-choice or pro-life discussion. Some people went a little crazy, but as usual, I didn't edit. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
But often it's hard to have an informed opinion when you don't understand all the options and/or information. Let's go back to this idea of "mind your own birth" for a minute. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had never known a single person (at least that I know of) that had given birth without medication. Hindsight is 20/20, but I have often wondered if I would have been receptive to their message. I had the epidural, didn't feel a darn thing, narrowly escaped a c-section, and was blissfully unaware of what I had missed out on! That is, until I had a friend have a drug-free birth.
There are very good choices that have been placed before me throughout my life by people who love me. I am so grateful for their positive influence, which includes sharing information. Again, hindsight is 20/20.
I've talked to dozens of women over the years who say that the reason they sought out an unmedicated birth was because someone else had encouraged them by sharing their stories and experiences.
Once someone has information about all their options -- the risks and the benefits -- fine. But don't just assume that just because it's their birth, you can't share your experience about natural birth. It did strike me as very odd that at the end of her post she said, "Birth is not a competition. You don’t get extra points for going without an epidural, for choosing to breastfeed, or for choosing to avoid labor all together with a primary c-section. None of these things make you a better woman or mother than anyone else." No one who chooses natural birth is expecting a medal or doing it because it's a competition. Evidence has shown time and again that there are risks to epidurals, countless benefits to breastfeeding, and "avoiding labor" and going straight for the c-section is rarely a good idea. That is what is called a fear-based cesarean. Oh my word. OK, maybe just not the midwife for me. I want someone by my side who gives me correct information and tells me I'm strong. Not someone who gives me an out before I've even started the race!
As for our sweet little 16-year-old... I was an idiot when I was 16. I was in no way capable of making an informed decision had I found myself pregnant at that age. This girl may be sharp as a tack, but I suspect, as Brad Paisley sings, she "can't see past Friday night." Several people, in the comments, said that she should make her own decision and not have anyone else's opinions forced upon her.
I disagree. She needs someone with more life experience to help her understand all of her options -- the risks and the benefits -- each choice would bring. Ultimately, it is her choice, but the parents can't be taken out of the equation either. The entire family would benefit from counseling, if you asked me! My heart goes out to this girl and her family. But like it or not, she needs guidance and support. I hope she finds it.
So, I guess I'm just annoyed with the whole it's-her-life-don't-share-your-opinion attitude that I've seen so much of lately. Since when did we stop caring about what happens to those around us? It doesn't have to be a banned-from-baby-showers moment either, but just show you care about the people around you.
You never know who your life/opinion may touch. You could change their life for the better all because you shared information or your experiences.
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