My Christmas Letter -- In Blog Form

I had a friend ask me a while back if I thought if a good birth - or "bad" - made you feel closer - or further - from that child.  There was a time when I might have said yes, but I do have the perspective that time sometimes gives us, now that my children are older. 

I don't need to rehash the births of my children, but my 2nd birth was my most emotional.  I felt so excited that I had accomplished my goal of an unmedicated birth.  I won't say it was my best, but I definitely experienced that "birth high" that we sometimes read about.  She did not look like my baby though.  She was dark skinned with pitch black curly hair.  People always asked me if my husband was "ethnic."  She is now 12 years old, and while our relationship is probably better now than it has ever been, she has always preferred her Daddy.  We have had very little in common and our relationship has frequently been somewhat forced.  She is very serious and has an intense moral compass.  She loves to write and remembers everything I've ever said, which has often come back to haunt me!

My first baby (now 14), on the other hand, looked just like me and my side of the family when he was born.  Still does.  I was always close with him and thought that I could love no child as much as I loved him.  I had an epidural for his birth.  I do not feel that it had any bearing on how I felt about him.  Of course, now finishing up his freshman year of high school, he thinks we are total idiots.  His friends are more important than his family and music is the center of the universe both playing it and listening to it. 

My 3rd pregnancy, labor, and birth were all the hardest.  Abby constantly had her foot in my ribs. The harder I pushed at her foot, the harder she pushed back.  It was the only pregnancy we did not plan.  This child was determined to get here!  Between you and me, I have the strongest connection with #3 (now 10 years old).  She looks nothing like me (dark olive skin and dark hair), but I have the most in common with her.  She has been, and continues to be, the best conversationalist.  In fact, she's the most mature of the entire family!  She's organized, self-motivated, has great "style" (which makes her fashion-conscious Daddy proud), is confident, and has a great sense of humor.  She should have been born the oldest because she would have been a great babysitter.  Currently, and formerly, she is very un-babysittable, taking direction and instruction from no one, mainly her big brother and sister.

Darcy (6) was probably my "easiest" birth and we've always been good.  No complaints.  She is my mini-me.  She's a firecracker and just lights our home with non-stop excitement!  We've had a good, solid connection since she was born.

So, the answer to the question?  No, I think our children's births are often more about us than it is about them. I will say that how their personalities were in the womb is very much how they have been out of the womb.  Daymon was constantly in motion, I hardly ever felt Vena move, Abby constantly made her presence known, and Darcy just always went with the flow. 

As I re-read over this post, I realized that a lot of what I wrote was similar to my Christmas letter, which I've been told over the years, is so brutally honest, it's everyone's favorite!  I hope you enjoyed a little slice of my crazy children's personalities and what I endure day in and day out!

[Continue Reading]

The Birth Nazi

I am continuously amazed at the way people twist my words all around.  I have a friend that said that to me the other day.  She said the comments I get on my blog are consistently 50/50 -- some supportive, some thinking I'm void of any compassion whatsoever and have totally lost my marbles.

Most of you don't know me in real life, but suffice it to say, I am very much the same sitting here at the computer as I am in person.  I will tell you what I think, and I'm OK with you telling me what you think, as long as it is kept respectful.  That's why I do not delete comments from my blog, even the ones that more or less call me a Birth Nazi.  You have the right to your opinion, just as I have the right to mine.

Before I go any further, I want to address my use of the word "Nazi" in this post.  I am using this word because I have heard myself referred to in this manner.  The "Soup Nazi" episode of Seinfeld has been laughed about for years, but when used in this manner, it's not funny.  At least I don't think it's funny.  I, personally, am quite offended by the use of the word, especially in reference to myself.  

Let's address a very interesting topic that I read several blog posts and Facebook statuses about this week:  Is it OK, even good, to expect a good birth experience?  According to most of them, no!  At least this is my interpretation:  You shouldn't get your hopes up because you might be let down.

A very fast recap of my birth experiences:  I have had 4 different births.  My first was an epidural birth where I narrowly escaped a c-section.  My second was my most emotional where I definitely experienced that "birth high." My third sucked and was my hardest (no one's fault but my own), and my fourth was the "easiest" but emotionally hard knowing it was my last and my son would never have a brother.  The only birth I cried tears of joy was my second.  The others, I was just mostly glad they were over.  Does that mean they were bad births because I didn't weep with joy?  Of course not.  They were all just different.  I learned very different things from each experience.  I hope those things I learned, I am able to pass on to my students.  Sometimes it's a case of "Do as I say, not as I did!"

There is this idea that Donna Ryan is an unforgiving natural childbirth educator.  If you have an epidural, I will make you feel awful about it.  And a c-section, forget it!  You might-as-well crawl into a hole!

OK, this is what Donna Ryan teaches.  Pay attention, Donna-haters!  I believe that there are some really awful OBs out there that are happiest when they are performing surgery.  They know nothing about natural childbirth and frankly, don't want to know.  They will scare you into an induction or make you beg for an epidural ("haha, let's keep her pit turned high and strap her to a monitor!"), or they will give you an episiotomy so long you will wish you had a c-section.  (Yes, I've heard a nurse say she heard an OB say this.) Are all OBs like this?  Of course not.  They do exist.  I think that the majority of them have not attended natural, intervention-free births enough to know what that looks like, sounds like, or how to help and encourage a couple on this journey.  Most of them will find a way to put you on their turf, where they are comfortable -- in a bed, strapped to a monitor, legs in stirrups, epidural, pitocin, etc.  See past blog post.

There are other resources in your community.  You may have to dig around to find them, but they likely exist.  Resources that support and encourage natural normal birth.  In Fort Worth, Texas there are so many resources available to families -- amazing midwives, in and out of the hospital.  With choices available, you need to use them.  These are the people who will help you have the birth you want -- or in some cases avoid the birth you don't want!  They encourage you to do the opposite of the (bad) OBs;  things like walking, intermittent monitoring, light food and drink throughout labor, choice of pushing positions, and just plain ole encouragement!  What a difference between a nurse (or midwife) saying, "You got this!  You sound wonderful.  Keep making those low, slow sounds," and "Oh, honey, if you think this is hard now, just wait till you're an 8!  Are you sure you don't want an epidural?"  Well, when you put it that way, of course I want an epidural!

I expect my couples to make the appropriate changes if necessary.  Don't ignore the red flags!  Nearly everyone that sits through my class does change their care provider and/or hospital if they see those red flags.  If you ignore them -- now, this does sound harsh, but it's true -- you have no one to blame but yourself for a "bad" birth if you do not make the necessary changes during the pregnancy.  It's not much fun to be left wondering if that c-section really was necessary. 

Your labor should be a wonderful, yet challenging, time in your life.  Your birth team is critical.  I've said that a million times here over the last three years.  Birth is probably the hardest thing you will ever do.  I never paint a rosy picture.  We don't get to pick the way your birth is going to play out, but you will have a very good idea of what normal birth looks like.  We go through lots of variations of normal too.

This is what I teach about an epidural:  You know what normal birth looks like.  You know what to do, what not to do, you have prepared in every way possible (birth team, relaxation, exercise, nutrition, hired a doula), and you know when you are out of the "normal" range, which can mean a lot of different things.  You have the education to know when you are on the path to a c-section.  Many an epidural has saved a mom from a c-section.  We all hope that an epidural is not a part of the birth equation, but sometimes it is, and sometimes it's even a good thing, a necessary intervention that saves a mom from a c-section.

I have never -- not even once -- told a mom that she failed when she had that epidural.  Or a c-section.  I would never do that.  In many instances, I've put myself in their shoes, and have no doubt that I would have made the exact same decision.  Now, I can't say that a mom won't beat herself up over it, but it's not because I made her feel bad. 

Here's the reality:  When people sit through my class and do all the "right" things and their birth does not go as they had hoped (epidural, transfer, c-section), rarely do I have someone seem to dwell on it and have a hard time getting over it.  Most people know that there are things in birth that are not within our control, but you do your part, roll with the punches, understand why those things became necessary in your birth, and move on!  Learn from them.  Don't become a victim of your birth!  I am seeing this all the time.  It's exhausting.  Your birth does not define who you are as a person.  How you deal with things that happen in your life is more important than the actual things that happen. 

There are some midwives that have told me that the reason they refer to my classes is not necessarily because they love The Bradley Method®, but because my couples seem to bounce back easier when things go differently from their original plans.  My couples also know that they can trust them to help them on this road and if they say they need intervention or medication, it's OK to trust them.  Attitude is everything.

I simply want to see women believe in themselves enough to give birth their all.  Sometimes, that may not mean an unmedicated birth.  It might even mean a c-section in the end.  But if you do your part -- not just become a victim of a very broken maternity system -- you will have a good birth!  Does that make me a Birth Nazi?  Then so be it.

[Continue Reading]

My 4th, and Best, Birth

Physically, this was my best birth. I had been teaching Bradley for about 2 years when I gave birth to this baby. It was funny to be so huge and teaching to people, knowing I would be doing this again.

David and I practiced relaxation a handful of times during the pregnancy. I did my exercises and ate my protein. I was 34 at the time of this birth, 4 years since the 3rd birth. I found that my metabolism had slowed quite a bit in that time period.

I had the most fabulous midwife, Barbara Pepper, in Albuquerque. When I went in for my visits, I would do my own "pee stick." A couple of times she asked what I had had for breakfast because my glucose levels were elevated. I would embarrassingly admit to eating Cocoa Puffs and OJ. She would smile and encourage me to eat less sugar. When I did, I found that my glucose was normal. My body wasn't metabolizing sugar as fast as it once did.

I never had an ultrasound with this baby. We had with the others, and also knew the sex of each baby before they were born. Barb said she didn't see why I needed one -- everything was normal. I completely trusted her and her professional wisdom. She had been doing this for more than 30 years.

I didn't have the testing for Gestational Diabetes at 28 weeks. I also declined having the Group B Strep test at 36 weeks. I throw that out simply because I want women to know that you have a choice, even when it comes to testing. Even the Diabetes Association has said that this does not need to be a standard test for everyone. It is though. Same with ultrasound. It is not recommended that all women have an ultrasound, but I don't know anyone these days who does not have one. (There are risks associated with ultrasound, but we'll save that topic for another day.

One thing that was interesting with this pregnancy, I started feeling Braxton-Hicks contractions at about 10 weeks. I would take every opportunity to use those as practice contractions and do my relaxation. I would just relax every bit of my body during those brief periods, no matter where I was when I was having them.

All of my babies have been born in the 39th week, the first being 40.0 weeks. This one was no different. Easter morning, 3 days before my "due date," I woke to having very frequent Braxton-Hicks. They were very regular though, so I decided to stay home from church to rest. David took the 3 kids and I slept for a couple of hours and read a book. It was so relaxing and peaceful.

The contractions continued throughout the day, short and close together, not hard at all. David and I went for a walk around 3:30 and my water broke while we were out on the walk. We headed back home after that! I called my parents, who were coming over for dinner. We had a New Mexican Easter dinner of Chile Rellenos, Spanish slaw, tortillas, and fruit salad. I've never thrown up in labor, but I decided to take my own advice and not eat anything that I don't want to see again! I ate a tortilla and some fruit.

At 7:00 p.m., I was emailing with some potential Bradley students, commenting that I was in "early labor." We were putting the kids to bed at 8:00, and as I was laying on one of the girl's beds, I had a really strong contraction (the first of the entire day!) that I really had to concentrate on relaxing through. I told David I was going downstairs to take a shower.

My dad went back to their RV around 8:30 and my mom was staying for the birth. My brother-in-law also stopped by during that time to bring us some things from the store. I remember being fine to talk to him, but when I had a contraction, I had to lean over and not speak.

Everyone left and I went immediately to my bathroom, which I loved. I had told David during the pregnancy that I imagined laboring a lot in our bathroom. It's like, once my body was where my mind wanted to be, alone, labor really picked up. I had tons of contractions on the toilet. I was in the shower when David came in. Remember, last time David saw me was in the girl's room and I'd just had my first major contraction. He came in happy and talking, and was shocked when I told him to call Barb. He didn't believe I could possibly be ready for her to come to the house already! It had been 30 minutes since that contraction!

He timed several contractions while I was in the shower, doing the "doula hoola," rotating my hips, with my head pressed against the shower wall. It felt so great! I could feel that being upright was the best position. This is the only labor I didn't have back labor. What a difference!

When I got out of the shower, I decided I wanted to sit in the bathtub for a bit. We filled it up, but I would never sit down. I leaned over the edge instead, on my knees. David was right in front of me, talking to me. When you have birthed 3 babies together, you learn what different sounds and expressions mean at the different stages of labor. I was really starting to sound out the contractions -- loudly. David knew the baby was in the birth canal.

He was so calm. No one else was there yet. We had invited his sister, Marla, and my friend, Ingrid, in addition to my mom. Two of our children wanted to be at the birth, so we needed someone to be with them, plus, we needed someone to do the video.

David calmly told me not to fight the contractions. If I needed to push, that was the right thing to do. We knew what to do if the baby came without Barb there. How wonderful to have a husband who believes in my body to do this! Birth is not a crisis!

Barb got there shortly after I got out of the bathtub. I had a short period of back labor as the baby descended into the birth canal. Barb applied counter pressure and then massaged the backs of my legs as David embraced me and I leaned into him. I felt so supported.

We didn't stand there very long. I was ready to push this baby out! I moved over to my bed, but instinctively knew that I needed to remain upright. (Most hospitals/OBGYNs would not have allowed that.) They stacked a bunch of pillows under me as I leaned on the headboard. I was on my knees. (The video of this birth is awful! The back side of my 200 pound body is not attractive!)

At any rate, I didn't push very long before the head was born. She was born "in the veil" meaning the sac was covering her face. This is very rare, but the superstition says that if this happens to your baby, he/she will have good luck all their life. My best friend's last baby was also born in the veil. Interesting...

Her head was out for nearly 5 minutes before I birthed the rest of the body. Psychologically, I think I was hanging onto the baby as long as I could. There were a couple of reasons for this: 1) I knew this was very likely my last pregnancy and birth; and 2) We really wanted this baby to be a boy. Not really because we were dying to have another boy, but because we wanted our son to have a brother. And he desperately wanted a brother.

Barb mentioned that the shoulders needed to come out and I barely started to do the "Gaskin Maneuver," lifting one leg to release the baby's shoulders, and the baby slipped right out. I took the baby between my legs and awkwardly flipped over so I could sit up. I held her for a long time before I turned her over to find out the sex. I was so scared to find out.

The two children who wanted to be there for the birth came in right as I pushed her head out, so they were there for the birth. Everyone was so anxious to know who this baby was going to be -- James or Darcy? I finally turned her over and David announced (trying to sound happy for the sake of the video), "It's Darcy!" Everyone in the room looked at Daymon. He had the biggest, silent tears rolling from his eyes. It just broke my heart. My boy will never have a brother.

Now, if truth be known, I had enjoyed my time alone (while the others were at school) with the 3rd child so much, I was really hoping for another girl. We had so many clothes for a girl, too. And who doesn't love the name Darcy? Was I trying to console myself? Maybe a bit.

It took 1 hour and 12 minutes to deliver the placenta. Average time is anywhere from 5-45 minutes. Most hospitals administer pitocin, regardless of circumstances or necessity. They mash the uterus and some really lame doctors will even tug on the cord. None of these things are part of the natural process. Breastfeeding will cause the uterus to contract and take care of the placenta. Barb kept checking my vitals and to be sure the cervix wasn't closing, as that would be a complication. Everything was fine. This was my normal for this birth.

I would like to note that I had NO intervention with this birth, not even a vaginal exam. I just gave birth.

Darcy was born at 10:55 p.m., less than 3 hours after that super strong contraction. I loved all my early labor with this birth. Barb and all our visitors/helpers were gone by 2:00 a.m. My husband was snoring next to me and our new baby. I laid there next to her, both of us wide awake, staring at each other. I was processing the whole event. Not to mention having the absolute worst afterpains ever! These get worse with every baby. Every time I breastfed for the first 4 days, it was like being in labor again. I had to sound it out and have everyone in the room be quiet.

Darcy weighed just one ounce shy of Abby, at 7 lbs.15 ounces. She was really long too, 22".

Daymon was the first child awake the next morning. He came downstairs and climbed into bed with us to stare at Darcy, his newest sister. He looked up at me and whispered, "I love her more than anything in the world." I am so grateful that he was allowed the opportunity to witness her birth and find out that the baby was a girl with all of us at the same time. I believe that it helped tremendously with his love and acceptance towards her, and even us, for sharing this event with him.

[Continue Reading]

What I Learned From My 3rd Birth

This will not be long, don't worry. The first 2 births, I wanted to really show the contrast between them -- drugs vs. no drugs. That is not the point of this one.

I had wanted to have the 3rd baby at home, but David said no way. Our video is a prized possession of the 2nd birth, so we knew we wanted to video the 3rd too. At 33 weeks, we found out that the hospital we were to give birth at did not allow you to videotape the actual birth. I had been jumping over red flags the entire pregnancy, so that was the last straw. David finally consented that it was time to search for another birth place.

Yadda yadda yadda, that birth place became home. I interview lots of midwives over the phone and narrowed it down. I took David to meet the one I like the best. I think deep down he was really scared to be walking this road with me. After meeting Jenny, though, he was full of confidence. In his words, "That woman could handle anything!"

Ninety percent of the births she attended were water births, so "when in Rome..." We decided to have a water birth.

I was cocky with this birth. I had all this knowledge of birth and my memory of the 2nd birth was that it was pretty easy. So, I didn't prepare. I ate my protein, but I did not practice my pregnancy exercises. We did not practice relaxation even one time before labor began. What a mistake.

You know how everyone always tells you that each labor gets shorter? That's what I was expecting. My 2nd labor was 5 hours, so 5 hours into this labor, and I'm thinking, "Where's the baby?" I really wasn't working hard though, not until the few hours before the birth. (This labor was about 14 hours.)

My water broke about 2 hours before she was born. Right before this, I was sitting on the toilet, totally freaking out in my head, thinking, "What am I doing? If I was in a hospital, I could be having drugs right now? Why didn't I prepare for this birth? I am an idiot!"

Things picked up after my water broke and I went to my glorified kiddy pool set up in the living room. I never recognized the urge to push because I was sitting on her head, propped up on my arms. Very uncomfortable. I was so hot in the water. Looking back, I should have gotten out and birth on land! I screamed my head off when I pushed this baby out. (The mailman came to the door to deliver our mail during this time!) All my cords have been short, and the water was so deep. I had a hard time holding her head up out of the water because my arms were shaking so bad. I wanted to breastfeed immediately to help deliver the placenta, but again, I couldn't because the water was so deep.

Oh yeah, she weighed 8 pounds, Dr. Wolsey! No tears.

So learn from my mistakes: practice and prepare for each birth. I have heard many midwives comment on 3rd births, that they tend to be the hardest. That was true in my case.

I love water for labor, but for birth, this was not the best situation for me. I had intense back labor again and in order for anyone to apply counter-pressure, they either had to be in the water with me or leaning over the very deep edge.

For baby #4, everyone kept telling me to keep my options open, but I knew I didn't want to birth in water again.

The funny thing about the whole story is that baby #3 has been the last to learn to swim and is always the first one out of the pool!

[Continue Reading]

My First Drug-free Birth!

In honor of my oldest daughter's birthday, January 19th, I am reposting her birth story:

I am back to the topic of birth. Things have been hectic here. I've been writing this in my head, but I knew I needed a significant time block to sit down and type it out. Which means you need a good chunk of time to read this!

So here I am, geared up and ready to have baby number 2, knowing I am doing this different from the first time around. I knew a number of people who had had great births (yes, Alisa was one of them) with a group of midwives about 30 minutes away, so that's where I went.

A word of advice: when you are seeking out your birth attendant, be sure that who you are asking had the kind of birth that you are shooting for. For example, you are wanting to have an unmedicated birth and your neighbor insists that her OB is the absolute best. Before scheduling that appointment, find out about her birth. Did she have an "emergency" c-section? Did she want the drugs? Did her doctor want her to have the drugs? There are many birthing philosophies out there -- be sure yours matches up with your birth attendant. You might try asking friends and family first that had the kind of birth you are after.

First of all, meeting with a female practitioner was so much better than a male. Why do men even go into this profession? Think about it. It's creepy, really.

The majority of the midwives I met with knew the power of birthing and what that meant in a woman's life. They supported natural, normal birth. They spent time talking with me about my first birth and the journey that had led me to their door. They were interested in what kind of birth I was hoping for this time around. I felt so in control of my situation, but this was largely because I was taking control -- not trusting someone else make my decisions for me.

We enrolled in a lengthy class and learned so much valuable information. We "packed our bags," I like to say, for birth. We learned about the process of normal birth. All pregnant women and their husbands should know this information! It eliminates the fear. I understood how my body would work in labor and what to expect. I learned, and so did David, what to do in labor and how I could work with my body to help my baby make her way into the world without the effects of medication.

David and I would practice all sorts of exercises and relaxation. We tracked what I ate in order to get the protein I needed (80-100 grams a day). This process brought us closer together and caused us to focus on the new baby, which can be difficult with a 2-year-old running around.

I was due January 22, 1999. She was born on the 19th. If you have been reading this blog chronologically, you know what started my first labor -- intercourse and nipple stimulation. Well, guess what started this labor? Just a side note: nipple stimulation causes the release of oxytocin in the mother, which is what causes the uterus to contract. It crosses a blood-brain barrier, so her body also releases endorphins to help her deal with the contractions. When a woman has pitocin in labor, that is a synthetic form of oxytocin. It forces the uterus to contract and because it cannot cross the blood-brain barrier, there are no natural endorphins to help the mother deal with that pain. This is why pitocin-induced contractions are so much harder to cope with. When labor is allowed to start naturally, the body is very kind. Usually, contractions build gradually in intensity and frequency, and like I just mentioned, there are those wonderful endorphins. Baby will also respond better to natural contractions, like a massage, squeezing the fluid gradually from her lungs, preparing her to breathe on her own.

When you read about nipple stimulation in most books, they will tell you how dangerous this is and that you shouldn't do it unless you are hooked up to a monitor in the hospital. And yet, they are more than willing to pump you full of the synthetic drug. If it were dangerous, do you think our body would perform this way? Of course not. There is a phrase that I like to use in class: "The same thing that got you into this is the same thing that will get you out." Nipple stimulation is a part of that process. It is a natural labor inducer. If your body and baby are not ready, you will not start labor and will proceed with the evening's activities. (So if that is not working, why would you allow a doctor to pump you with pitocin? You are twice as likely to have a c-section because you and your baby weren't ready!) And if you are ready, you likely will not be finishing what you started, as was the case with us.

Contractions did start very intense. Let me back up here for a minute. Remember Dr. Wolsey's comments to me about the vaginal exam I'd had the day before I was due with the first baby? I was not dilating or effacing and it was devastating. Vaginal exams do absolutely nothing but put you on an emotional roller coaster. They are pointless. They tell you nothing about when she will start labor. (I talk extensively about this in class.) Despite this common knowledge, it is common practice, and even the midwives could not believe I didn't want to be checked! I must admit, it was hard to say no, but I was not traveling down that road again. I knew my body knew what to do, no matter what Dr. Wolsey had told me!

So when contractions started with such intensity, I was surprised. And scared. This was the beginning of labor. What happened to my early labor phase? I showed immediate signs of quick dilation -- shaking being the one I remember the most. I laid down under the covers and was thinking through the contractions. It was midnight, same as last time I started labor, 2 1/2 years earlier.

We had asked Alisa to be at this birth with us. David asked if I wanted him to call her and I said yes. I just couldn't believe how hard it was starting. I was freaking out a bit, wondering if I would be able to do it after all.

I had read so much about the use of water in labor. It's been called "the midwife's epidural." I got in the shower, and while standing there, rotating my hips, recalled everything I'd learned and prepared for. I was ready! I was determined to do this!

We didn't stay at the house more than a couple of hours. I remember eating a banana during that time. I wanted to have energy, but I remember I didn't have much of an appetite. Again, more of a late labor sign. I wasn't talking much and was very serious.

David drove the car (very slowly) and it was raining. It wasn't even very cold which was odd for Utah in January. I remember worrying a lot about being cold in labor because I am a shiverer. Have you ever tried to relax while you are cold and shivering?

A funny side note about the drive to the hospital: right before we got there, Alisa reached over me (we were both in the back seat) and locked the door. I had my eyes closed, very focused on what I was doing. I could not resist opening my eyes to see why she had done that. There was a guy in the middle of the road waving what appeared to be a gun. It was about 2:30 a.m. My husband said he would have run the guy over if he would have tried anything. Fortunately, he did not.

The midwife, Susan, literally met us at the door and helped us to our room. I had the 20-minute monitoring strip, which was no fun. I kept asking when I could take it off so I could get in the water. My vaginal exam told me I was dilated to a 7 and 90% effaced! That was so awesome! I was doing it!

I really used the lack of sleep to my advantage with this labor. I had my eyes closed nearly the entire labor and really was falling asleep between contractions. I was so relaxed between contractions, I just "forced" myself to stay that way and not tense up when a new contraction would start. When I would tense, it was nearly impossible to gain control again during that contraction. I learned pretty quick that it paid off to stay relaxed and not fight the contractions.

I spent a lot of time in the bath. Alisa and David kept me drinking lots of water and orange juice. (I, in class, usually don't recommend a lot of OJ during labor, just after the birth.)

Our nurse was so supportive of unmedicated birth and expressed disappointed in the amount of women not having natural birth. She was so encouraging, like a big sister.

Our midwife was so laid back. She knew that there was no worries. She knew I was handling it fine. I had good support. I remember my friend, Janet, had told me that she had used "sounding" as a way to handle contractions. (My son says I sound like a ghost when I do it, if that gives you any idea of what it sounds like.) This is an incredible, easy tool to use. It keeps your breathing steady and deep. Baby is getting good oxygen because you are taking good deep breaths and letting it go, audibly. I don't think I could get through labor without this technique.

I remember at one point, David was sitting behind me applying counter-pressure to my back (terrible back labor) and I was sounding out the contractions. Susan was sitting in a chair sleeping, or so I thought, and she said, "Donna, you sound so good. Keep doing exactly what you are doing." I cannot begin to tell you what this did for me as a laboring woman! Deep inside, I knew what I sounded like, but I really couldn't help it. I felt slightly self-conscious. Let's face it, we don't make noises like this everyday! She gave me the confidence and freedom to keep doing what was working for me, no matter how ridiculous I sounded! Thank you, Susan!

During this labor, I remember only thinking and focusing on the contraction that I was doing. I never thought of the next one. This is huge! It's the reason I was able to sleep and relax during contractions. I also recalled Martha Sears's comment about relaxing "like you are 11 months pregnant." This, too, was very useful.

At one point, the midwife checked dilation and found that I was a 9. She said the bag of waters was bulging and asked if she could break my water. I told her no. I didn't want any intervention. The cervix also had a lip, or rim, and so she pushed it out of the way. This was very painful, but I felt immediate relief.

I remember going to the bathroom and while I was there, I grunted at the peak of a contraction. It was totally involuntary and everyone knew the baby was descending. I went to the bed and continued to labor on hands and knees because of the back labor. After a short period, I started to say that I had to poop. Everyone was excited (!!) and the midwife said that was the baby. Although I had learned in class that the sensation is exactly the same, I was in total denial. Why wasn't anyone helping me off this bed to go to the bathroom?!

Susan checked me again and said that the baby was "right there" and if she broke my water, I'd have the baby immediately. I, at this point, said ok. She tried several times to break it -- usually a simple process -- but she said the bag was so thick. She said I must have eaten great protein. Yea!

She was right. My daughter was born eight minutes later, at 5:04 a.m. I gave birth on my side. I have this fantasy that I am this quiet birther -- that my babies enter this world in a dimly lit room that is quiet and peaceful. I finally came to terms with this on the 4th birth, that I am not a quiet birther. I am vocal. But I am a very vocal person, so it makes sense that I would sound it out. AND THAT'S OK. I felt so bad about this for so long. I always tell my classes that it is OK to be a vocal birther. Our midwife, Barbara Pepper, with our 4th birth, encouraged me to sound it out, like an animal. That felt so good, so right.

I didn't tear, but felt like I had. Women are always so afraid of the possibility of tearing. It does sound awful, doesn't it? The reality is, even if you don't (about a 50/50 chance), you will think you did. When the skin stretches, it burns. This is a very intense, but extremely short period -- usually a contraction or two.

My daughter was immediately placed on my chest -- oh my goodness, she had so much black hair! (Our son was completely blond.) I was so emotional. I DID IT! Even as I type this, my eyes are welling up with tears, remembering that moment. Everything I had been afraid of before -- for what? This was amazing! Shortly after she was born, I remember saying, "I can't wait to do that again." Even when we watch the last 3 births, this birth is the most emotional. She weighed 7 lb. 2 oz., a whole pound more than our first baby. Dr. Wolsey told me that I would probably never give birth to a baby weighing more that 7 pounds. We booed him in the delivery room when she was weighed!

We were incredibly prepared. We started off so great with this baby. Confident in ourselves and our baby. She was gorgeous -- still is! We named her after her great-grandmother, who I am certain was smiling down on her, probably sad to see her go, and yet excited for her to experience this life.

If I could do this, anyone could do this! This is why I teach Birth Boot Camp, so that all women can have this experience. It's not about pain at all. It's about doing what God has given you the gift to do. I believe that He wants us to use the powers of birth and not numb them with pain medication. The body works together so beautifully, that is, until we intervene with the natural process.

If you are thinking about having an unmedicated birth, do it! Surround yourself with positive people who believe in you and the power of your body to give birth! Boo to all the naysayers who tell you that you can't do it. You can!

[Continue Reading]

"I did it!"

Alisa, my crazy friend who wanted to give birth to her baby without medication, did it! I must admit, deep down, I really wanted her to fail. I kept telling my husband throughout Alisa's pregnancy that she had no idea how hard it was and there would be no way she could handle it. Although it wasn't a conscious thought, somehow, if she failed, that would validate my birth.

Now this is something interesting that I have run into over the years of teaching: Students tell their friends and family that they are planning a natural birth. They are always shocked by their negative reactions, especially by those who have given birth with medication. They will often ridicule the pregnant woman's decision. The phrase I have to laugh at is, "It's not like you get a medal." No, just a baby! You appreciate more what you work hard for. Labor and birth are a bridge between pregnancy and being this child's mother, and it needs to be experienced. I know how it feels to be on both sides of this issue. This is how I was with Alisa, wanting her to fail.

A former student of mine addressed this in her birth story: "I feel very empowered through this whole experience. I did what almost everyone I know told me I couldn't do. It was the most challenging, but rewarding thing I have ever done. I feel so good about giving (my baby) the very best start in life!... Knowledge is power in the Labor and Delivery room!"

When Alisa called me after the birth, exclaiming, "I did it!" she must have felt like the woman I just quoted. I was one of those people who told her she was crazy and wasn't strong enough. The sound of her voice is one that echoed in my head for months, maybe years. It was exhilaration at her accomplishment, pure joy and self confidence, even awe at the strength of her own body. The experience brought them closer together as they truly worked together to bring their child into the world.

I wanted this experience to be mine. I knew next time would be different for us. I never heard anyone talk about their birth the way she did, but then again, they all had the drugs! If Alisa could do it, so could I!

[Continue Reading]

My "All-American" Birth

So much of who I am today is directly tied to how and where I gave birth to my children. I completely understand why women choose to have medication in childbirth. When I was pregnant with our first baby, my first reaction when we had a positive test was, "I've got to call the doctor and find out what to do!" I viewed myself as a patient. My sister-in-law, a doula, had encouraged us to seek out a midwife instead of an OB, but I thought she was crazy! I was not having a witchdoctor attend the birth of my first child! I lived by the philosophy "Ignorance is bliss."

I remember when people would ask me if I was having "the drugs," I would think they were crazy for asking me such a question. Of course I was having the drugs! At one point during the pregnancy I thought there was a chance that our insurance plan wouldn't cover an epidural and I completely panicked. How could they expect me to give birth without pain medication? I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when I found out I had misunderstood our coverage.

Also during that pregnancy, I had an encounter with a woman who had had a midwife attend her unmedicated birth and chose to tear because she was emphatic about not having an episiotomy. She never explained to me why she was making these (crazy) decisions, but looking back on it, I wish she would have. (I always speak up when talking to pregnant moms!)

We enrolled in a hospital childbirth class because that's what you are supposed to do. The instructor announced right from the beginning that if you wanted to feel the birth and not have the epidural, you were in the wrong class. This was for "the wimps." I felt at ease. We were very prepared to be good patients. They explained all about the hospital procedures and policies. We took a tour. We learned about the epidural and were assured that it was safe for both mom and baby. I was so glad to be in such capable hands. I didn't have to know about anything that was happening to me. They would take care of everything. Did I mention that the hospital where we chose to give birth averaged 30 babies a day? (You are statistically more likely to have a c-section in a busy hospital.)

The day before I was due, I had an appointment with our OB. During my vaginal exam I found out that I was not dilated or effaced. He told me that at this point that my body "just wasn't sure what to do." He wanted me to come in for a non-stress test (fetal monitoring) in 5 days. He said at that point I would likely be induced and that it was best to emotionally prepare for a c-section because my chances of having one greatly increased with an induction. (Twice as likely, to clarify.)

I left that appointment, again, feeling like my doctor knows what he's doing. My husband's reaction, however, was quite different. He felt jipped. He wanted to have the experience of not knowing when labor would start and the rush to the hospital. We took blue cohosh and castor oil intermittently for hours. All joking aside, I DO NOT recommend taking those substances into your body. At midnight, we gave up and decided to go to bed.

Now, no one had told us that intercourse and nipple stimulation could start labor. We were engaged in these activities when I felt something very different than what I had been feeling for the last several weeks. It faded, but came back about 5 minutes later. We were so excited! We got dressed and went walking. By the time we got home, I had to stop during contractions. It got hard pretty fast. I took a bath and that did help. I hadn't prepared to feel anything, remember.

A side note -- I spent the first several hours of labor throwing up and having diarrhea from all the castor oil.

After 5 1/2 hours of labor, my vaginal exam told me that I was 90% effaced and 3 cm dilated. Remember, my body "didn't know what to do" and my cervix was a "big, fat zero" just a few hours earlier. My doctor didn't know when I would start labor! My body worked very hard in those 5 hours. I cried when I got to the hospital because I could have pain medication.

I had Nubain until I was further dilated. I felt drunk. I could still feel contractions, but I couldn't talk. My body was working so hard when I was moving around and making fast progress, but when I got in the bed, everything slowed down. (Remember that, pregnant moms.) Eventually I was able to have the epidural. With that came a flood of interventions, such as fetal monitoring, an IV, a catheter, a pulse monitor, fever reducer, pitocin to speed contractions, oxygen to bring up the baby's heart rate (who was doing fine until I introduced drugs into the equation), blood pressure monitor, eventually internal monitoring of the baby (had to break water to make that possible). What started as a normal, healthy, physiological event turned into a high-tech circus in which I had no control over.

My baby's heart rate kept dropping and the nurses kept telling me I was on the road to a c-section. I would have had one if my sister-in-law (the same one who wanted me to have a midwife) would not have been there. After each contraction, she would roll me over to my other side and that would bring baby's heart rate up. The nurses were surprised to find that I was dilated to a 9 and went ahead and moved me to a delivery room. I pushed for 45 minutes and gave birth to a very small baby boy. 6 pounds, 1 ounce on his due date. (That's a story for another time.)

My husband was very emotional, and while they cleaned the baby and check him out, David looked at me and said in this awestruck voice, "You've just given birth," like I was so amazing. I felt embarrassed by his reaction because I didn't feel like I had done anything amazing at all. I didn't even feel the birth. Nothing.

I reflected on the birth for several months afterward, but it wasn't until I picked up a copy of Dr. William Sears's book, "The Birth Book" that I realized what I had done. I only had one chance to give birth to that baby, and I blew it! In the words of Dr. Sears, "Birth Matters." Sometimes we find that out later than we'd like. The beautiful thing is that we can learn from those experiences and make the next time better.

So when I say that I understand why American women have medication in childbirth, I really do. I've lived it. And there is a better way to give birth.

[Continue Reading]