I am continuously amazed at the way people twist my words all around. I have a friend that said that to me the other day. She said the comments I get on my blog are consistently 50/50 -- some supportive, some thinking I'm void of any compassion whatsoever and have totally lost my marbles.
Most of you don't know me in real life, but suffice it to say, I am very much the same sitting here at the computer as I am in person. I will tell you what I think, and I'm OK with you telling me what you think, as long as it is kept respectful. That's why I do not delete comments from my blog, even the ones that more or less call me a Birth Nazi. You have the right to your opinion, just as I have the right to mine.
Before I go any further, I want to address my use of the word "Nazi" in this post. I am using this word because I have heard myself referred to in this manner. The "Soup Nazi" episode of Seinfeld has been laughed about for years, but when used in this manner, it's not funny. At least I don't think it's funny. I, personally, am quite offended by the use of the word, especially in reference to myself.
Let's address a very interesting topic that I read several blog posts and Facebook statuses about this week: Is it OK, even good, to expect a good birth experience? According to most of them, no! At least this is my interpretation: You shouldn't get your hopes up because you might be let down.
A very fast recap of my birth experiences: I have had 4 different births. My first was an epidural birth where I narrowly escaped a c-section. My second was my most emotional where I definitely experienced that "birth high." My third sucked and was my hardest (no one's fault but my own), and my fourth was the "easiest" but emotionally hard knowing it was my last and my son would never have a brother. The only birth I cried tears of joy was my second. The others, I was just mostly glad they were over. Does that mean they were bad births because I didn't weep with joy? Of course not. They were all just different. I learned very different things from each experience. I hope those things I learned, I am able to pass on to my students. Sometimes it's a case of "Do as I say, not as I did!"
There is this idea that Donna Ryan is an unforgiving natural childbirth educator. If you have an epidural, I will make you feel awful about it. And a c-section, forget it! You might-as-well crawl into a hole!
OK, this is what Donna Ryan teaches. Pay attention, Donna-haters! I believe that there are some really awful OBs out there that are happiest when they are performing surgery. They know nothing about natural childbirth and frankly, don't want to know. They will scare you into an induction or make you beg for an epidural ("haha, let's keep her pit turned high and strap her to a monitor!"), or they will give you an episiotomy so long you will wish you had a c-section. (Yes, I've heard a nurse say she heard an OB say this.) Are all OBs like this? Of course not. They do exist. I think that the majority of them have not attended natural, intervention-free births enough to know what that looks like, sounds like, or how to help and encourage a couple on this journey. Most of them will find a way to put you on their turf, where they are comfortable -- in a bed, strapped to a monitor, legs in stirrups, epidural, pitocin, etc. See past blog post.
There are other resources in your community. You may have to dig around to find them, but they likely exist. Resources that support and encourage natural normal birth. In Fort Worth, Texas there are so many resources available to families -- amazing midwives, in and out of the hospital. With choices available, you need to use them. These are the people who will help you have the birth you want -- or in some cases avoid the birth you don't want! They encourage you to do the opposite of the (bad) OBs; things like walking, intermittent monitoring, light food and drink throughout labor, choice of pushing positions, and just plain ole encouragement! What a difference between a nurse (or midwife) saying, "You got this! You sound wonderful. Keep making those low, slow sounds," and "Oh, honey, if you think this is hard now, just wait till you're an 8! Are you sure you don't want an epidural?" Well, when you put it that way, of course I want an epidural!
I expect my couples to make the appropriate changes if necessary. Don't ignore the red flags! Nearly everyone that sits through my class does change their care provider and/or hospital if they see those red flags. If you ignore them -- now, this does sound harsh, but it's true -- you have no one to blame but yourself for a "bad" birth if you do not make the necessary changes during the pregnancy. It's not much fun to be left wondering if that c-section really was necessary.
Your labor should be a wonderful, yet challenging, time in your life. Your birth team is critical. I've said that a million times here over the last three years. Birth is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. I never paint a rosy picture. We don't get to pick the way your birth is going to play out, but you will have a very good idea of what normal birth looks like. We go through lots of variations of normal too.
This is what I teach about an epidural: You know what normal birth looks like. You know what to do, what not to do, you have prepared in every way possible (birth team, relaxation, exercise, nutrition, hired a doula), and you know when you are out of the "normal" range, which can mean a lot of different things. You have the education to know when you are on the path to a c-section. Many an epidural has saved a mom from a c-section. We all hope that an epidural is not a part of the birth equation, but sometimes it is, and sometimes it's even a good thing, a necessary intervention that saves a mom from a c-section.
I have never -- not even once -- told a mom that she failed when she had that epidural. Or a c-section. I would never do that. In many instances, I've put myself in their shoes, and have no doubt that I would have made the exact same decision. Now, I can't say that a mom won't beat herself up over it, but it's not because I made her feel bad.
Here's the reality: When people sit through my class and do all the "right" things and their birth does not go as they had hoped (epidural, transfer, c-section), rarely do I have someone seem to dwell on it and have a hard time getting over it. Most people know that there are things in birth that are not within our control, but you do your part, roll with the punches, understand why those things became necessary in your birth, and move on! Learn from them. Don't become a victim of your birth! I am seeing this all the time. It's exhausting. Your birth does not define who you are as a person. How you deal with things that happen in your life is more important than the actual things that happen.
There are some midwives that have told me that the reason they refer to my classes is not necessarily because they love The Bradley Method®, but because my couples seem to bounce back easier when things go differently from their original plans. My couples also know that they can trust them to help them on this road and if they say they need intervention or medication, it's OK to trust them. Attitude is everything.
I simply want to see women believe in themselves enough to give birth their all. Sometimes, that may not mean an unmedicated birth. It might even mean a c-section in the end. But if you do your part -- not just become a victim of a very broken maternity system -- you will have a good birth! Does that make me a Birth Nazi? Then so be it.
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