It's been a long time between meals.
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You must be busy!
You look busy!
They must keep you busy
Busy busy busy
All comments I have been recieving while out lately.
Yeah. I'm busy. I've been busy since I had my first, busier since my second. Busy is my new normal.
Surely this is said by well-meaning people or those who don't know what to say. Perhaps we feel we must say something to others even unintelligible statements such as "you must be busy".
Truth is I now use this as an answer. Truthful as it might be its not truth in its complete form.
"Busy" is an acceptable answer to the 'how you been?' Question. "Very busy" if they prive deeper. Add in a "tired" and they can suddenly relate. Reminiscent of previous years prior to children and the focus is suddenly shifted from how am I doing to 'other'. I like other.
See. The truth is I'm praying for a miracle. Whilst it hasn't yet happened I'm still praying. Daily.
Yet daily there is the struggle and fight to have faith that the miracle will occur and remaining hopeful in my circumstance. Yes, I have doubts and reservations and what ifs.
I am constantly praised for the wonderful works I am doing with these lots of little kids and being brave taking them all out with me (& trully I am grateful for it - often coming at perfect and needing times for my mothers heart). They are not my greatest struggles. They are easy in comparison to being out of my depth.
I do think its not fair and I do chuck toddler-sized tantrums.
I guess that we each have our struggles that determines our heart ache and need for a loving saviour however different it might be.
Are you crushed in spirit? Are you broken hearted? The Lord will save you. Reach out to Him today.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I have this child who refuses to get her hair cut on the basis it will hurt.
So. Finally. After all these years. She gave it to herself. And yes. I am mad and she's not happy. That's what you get for 1. Owning scissors 2. Having a child and 3. Taking a much needed rest.
Have you ever noticed how just a little bit by little bit our homes become consumed by useless garbage?
I really didn't think I had much TO throw out. What a surprise! An entire packing box filled with pure garbage. Hardly have I gone through the spare/school/clothes room to find this stuff just taking up space.
Now I am certain ill find heaps more.
But consider, how quickly does the garbage in our hearts, in our heads, amongst our relationships add up to become all consuming rubbish blocking that which is honouring, worthy, pure, clean, acceptable to us and we want for our life, our children's lives and those around us.
I'm talking about forgiving that teacher in third grade, the students who laughed at you, that boy friend who cheated on you, the pastor who taught you something wrong, and yourself. For not being quite as perfect as you'd like yourself to be.
I'm talking about letting go of that baggage you carry around.
I'm talking about clearing your head. Emptying your heart and moving along with life freely, freer, free.
(And this is all great! Coming from me).
Hubby is out, oldest child is out, middle kids are asleep and bubba is climbing on my legs.
When your as busy as I am all through the days and weeks what do you do when you suddenly have time to yourself?
I've organised the school stuff, could clean the kitchen after this evenings meal, tidy the bathroom, put washing away, swap rooms over, etc etc etc.
With a highly strenuous to do list I feel guilty to just sit. Just sit. The words in them self sound so naughty, so lazy, so... So relaxing.
Yep. I admit. I'm like Martha. (Or is it Mary?) Who is too busy to just sit at the feet of Jesus and be in his presence (if your not in the know that's like saying meditating but on the word written in the holy bible).
So. This evening I think I might just sit. Read a book. And do something just for me.
Tomorrow will bring a new set of jobs not done.
Peace.
Ahh...
As this babe of mine is now crawling, climbing and pulling herself up on things she needs to be taken out of her bassinet and put in a real cot.
Only a real cot won't fit in our room so I have to swap rooms over. Moving a spare room, school room, master bedroom and clothes room isnt what I'd call invigorating but clearing out 5 large garbage bags of things to pass on sure is.
I used my regular goal "fill the bag til its full" theory only my aim was to empty a box. I emptied 3 tubs plus stuff hanging around. It was ruthless. Hoping others will find more use out of it then I am :)
More to come.
More to do.
For those of us who have had a couple of little kids you might remember the clothes storage debacle. Keep? Pass on? Throw away?
I decided on giving away and had nothing left. Til I was pregnant with number 4. Well. Those clothes I passed on returned in greater force.
I store them like this. A box per size for girls, boys, shoes & socks. When bubba went up a size I swapped boxes. Easy as!
(Toys are also stored like this)
"While today's proposal has a strong and proper focus on the lowest-achieving 5 percent of schools in a state, there is not sufficient attention on the schools that struggle to consistently meet the academic needs of students with disabilities and other at-risk students," said Laura Kaloi, of the NCLD. "Millions of students with disabilities in these schools also need the benefit of school-wide instructional reform..." - National Center on Learning Disabilities
Living in rentals always leaves us with no cupboard space. That's where our own come in. Having lots of little kids with not a lot of space means being inventive. For us it means 3 rungs in the wardrobe and two tubs to chuck things in. One is amalia's the other is kids pj box.
The pj box idea came about years ago when I had to open 3 difficult drawers to get three sets of pjs. Now the kids get them all for me. Saving time and energy. Mostly mine :)
I have the lower rings for children who can reach and higher ones for the children who need help.
Works for me and saves floor space and putting away time.
You'd think that after 6 years of marriage we'd have it altogether by now, or at the least part half together. Unfortunately, for me, I'm still hanging on by a thread.
A worn stretched thin thread.
As a "Christian" I find admitting this to be rather shameful and I think that's not fair. For me. So go easy on me. Or don't. I don't care ultimately.
For me it means fear of asking for the miracle that I need firstly in my heart and then in my life.
I wanted the perfect life with the fruitful garden, lots of little kids, the perfect man, and to serve wholeheartedly. Turns out lots of little kids is the easiest, most rewarding part of my heart & life.
I'm disappointed and lack contentment. I covet the idea of the perfect marriage being mine.
I would rather lay on my bed, under my warm blanket shaking & crying then stumbling around in the dark grasping at nothing. I often feel hopeless. I am hopeless. I often feel this is my only option.
Many months ago I read a blogpost by a fellow mum Blogger who stated that parenting did not come naturally to her. For years she struggled in the area of parenting and still does. I could not relate in any way.
Except in the area of marriage. Marriage has been the most difficult, tragic, traumatic experience in my life. I feel like giving up. I feel like walking out. I feel my imperfections. I feel like all I do is fail. I feel unworthy. I feel broken. I feel pushed to side and abandoned. I feel so many negative emotions. I feel like this often. Too often.
I often look around me and 'see' other married couples and rarely hear they have struggled seriously. Just seems so perfect. From the outside.
So there you have it. A 2:30am post and you now know this mother is broken in pieces.
Please don't assume I am not thankful or grateful of the one who fathers my children and holds me in the night (& puts up with me). I am. I love him too. Lots actually.
Hope yours is better than mine.
Xx
Isaiah and I just walked into the lounge room to find it empty. Strange. I asked him where the baby is. In bed he tells me. I didn't put her there.
Where was she? Crawled. 2 metres away and hiding under my chair.
In light of recent angel babies, abortions, birthdays, new babies being born, and your growth & development I find myself asking
"have I cuddled you enough today?"
Have I cherished you enough today?
Have you been told that you are loved enough today?
Have I delighted in you enough today?
Have I captured the moments in my heart to remember these precious days with you enough today?
I am aware that our days on earth are numbered, and that each day we are given with our beloved children, families and friends are what I call a blessing.
I ask. Will I regret the way I spend this day if tomorrow was your last?
Well, its official. I'm sick but will live. Prescribed with rest and vitamins. Should have asked for a prescription for rest. Doh.
It's shopping day - but I can't do it. Or I spose I could. But I wonder how contagious I am. Who will I infect? What other parent will feel like I do? Think I better not go out unneccessarily which is near impossible.
I put food in the crock pot thinking atleast dinner is on if I get worse during the day - yet it dried out. More wasted food = more money down the drain.
Yep. I feel so lousy. I'm over it. I've had enough. We've stopped schooling. I've stopped teaching (have I really?).
We've gone into a montessori style of learning. I like it but its messy. I hate messy.
I'm about to put a dvd on for the kids and demand my rest (ha!)
Despite feeling down the house is feeling peaceful. I've been listening to the niv on cd (proverbs & psalms) , reading one of our new resource books about David & ot times from Samuel to kings (kids book) but loving it. Realising new things plus I have the overall understanding of the bible now that I didn't years ago that I asked for. Loving it. Psalm 110? & psalm 150 are new favourites.
Ugh
Feel free to load me up with mcfeast burgers. I'm starving!
Might read and rest while kids learn to be kind, gentle from their living dvd (lol)
Bye for now
When strangers discover that I home school (which is happening more and more often cos my school aged kid is always with me and never at 'school') I can visually see them cloak me with a SUPER cape with a giant "S". "S" standing for super mum OR stupid. Either or I'm not offended. It doesn't help my case having a couple younger kids with me either. How do you manage? I dunno. I have to. I choose to. I'm not perfect (unfortunately for all involved)
Today I don't feel like I'm managing. Feeling broken, feeling worthless, feeling like everything I say, do or attempt fails.
On top of this I am sick. I have 4 sick kids. My baby is full of snot. We are not sleeping the best and I'm finding the sound of my name being called as a burden rather than a delight from lots of little kids.
I don't feel like dealing with rebellion, or facing a carton of weetbix thrown around the kitchen by an unsupervised toddler. I don't want my husband to return home at lunch to see exactly that I've showered and ive fed the baby. Nothing else is done.
So. Being the semi-wise homeschooling mum that I am I've provided the children with their own learning.
See? I'm just a simple mum with little difference than others.
Now. If I can get the toddler occupied without me I won't get jumped on anymore. Ideas?
5 things I am thankful for (feeling very unthankful)
1. Bible on CD
2. Puzzles
3. Kitchen door (its closed)
4. Sleep in
5. That we don't feel like this daily
Sometimes crazy things happen in a house with lots of little kids. Like finding the oven turned on with a stuffed dog sitting on a plate inside,
Or hearing a knock at the door to find a live chicken looking at you.
Or a cat that eats fog food, a dog that eats cat food, a chook that eats dog food and kids that eat anything.
But the crazy thing I found today?! My hair brush. With no bristles. Cos they'd been cut off with scissors.
In March of 2011, the mother of a straight-A Hartford student called up the principal to say that her daughter, Caridad¹, “will not be taking the test.”http://www.realhartford.org/2011/08/31/back-to-school-guide-reclaiming-your-childs-education-12/
The test, in this case, happened to be the Connecticut Mastery Test (CMT), which is administered to all students in grades 3-8, every year. About one week is dedicated to the actual test (seven hours in all), though the level of preparation varies from school-to-school, with some assigning test prep homework all year round. Caridad, who was in the seventh grade when she opted out, attends one of the schools that puts less emphasis than others on the standardized state tests...