25 Days of Christmas 2011 - Day 1

Today marks the first day of the count down to "Christmas".

I am hoping to get down 'in writing' my thoughts & views on Christmas, record what we did this year, perhaps remember what we've done previous years & share my heart in some matters over the next 25 days. I would love to read what you do so feel free to link back here so I can see.




So today:
Day 1.
Involved setting up a small display with a fun Jesus activity for each day up until the 24th ready for "Christmas Day" & popping little notes into our new Advent calender. I saw this kind of 'idea' a few years ago on scrapping forums/galleries and wanted to follow on. Except for the part where I had to be creative & make it. With kids around. In 4/5yrs it hasn't happened so I purchased this one from our local Christian Bookshop.

Some 'events' include:

• Christmas Pagent (local town affair)
• Viewing Christmas Lights
• Making 'Thank You' Cards for friends & family
• Making 'gifts' for some people
• Making biscuits with Nana Kay
• Purchasing a special Christmas DVD & watching it
• Reading some of our special 'Jesus Birth' books
• Making an angel, star & nativity scene
• Might make wrapping paper & wrap some gifts together
• Christmas Party

We purchased a nativity scene the children can play with... Supervised... The 3 figurines are a part of the set. They are not quite... porcelein... or ceramic... Although I am not sure what they are actually made of.

Matthew 2:6
"O Bethlehem of Judah, you are not just a lowly village in Judah, for a ruler will come from you who will be the shepherd for my people Israel."

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The Red Lion OUCH!

News Journal:  Red Lion Lays off 13 % of Staff

 
 

Monday, December 5th at 7 pm in the Pusey Center. Come hear Dr. Chuck Betters outline the vision to "Save the Lions" and be "Debt Free in Three". All parents, students, grandparents invited!

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You've Got to Be Kidding Me - Brownback blows smoke...

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Baby "Milestones" are Stupid

I received a message from one of my former students today in distress over her family comparing her baby to her sister's baby, who is just two weeks younger. I have a feeling a lot of us can relate to this.

"I'm starting to receive concern from family members about Ellie being slow to hit milestones. She is a happy, alert, curious baby, but she does not sit unassisted yet, and she is nowhere near crawling. She is 7 1/2 months old. Of course all the concerned people are trying to figure out why she is "delayed" and pointing fingers at: too much breastfeeding, lack of solid food, the fact that she doesn't sleep in her own room or know how to "self-soothe," or the fact that I carry her too much.

I doubt everyone would be so concerned, except that Ellie is being directly compared to her cousin (my sister's baby) who is exactly 2 weeks younger. He has been sitting and crawling for weeks, and now he is starting to pull up on furniture to a standing position. He is formula-fed, started solids at 4 months, and was trained to sleep in his own crib (in his own room). My sister is also careful not to pick him up "too much" so as not to "spoil" him. So those methods now look more successful than my methods.

Anyway, I just wondered if you had a blog post about this (or maybe if you wanted to write one!), or if you had any other info about it, so that I could send a link or something to the relatives that are bugging me."

Give that boy a ribbon!  Oh wait, the ribbon goes to the mom, right?

When my first baby was little, I remember comparing him to every baby that was remotely close to his age.  The only thing he did "early" was sit up.  He was 5 months old and fat as could be.  He looked like a bowling ball.  I think that is the only reason he did sit up!  I was so relieved when he got his first tooth at 9 months.  He finally started crawling at 10 months.  In fact, my earliest crawler was 9 months.  Of four children, my earliest walker was 13 months.

As you could probably guess, my babies, like this mama's baby, were all carried extensively in the sling.  I was constantly talking to them.  They were learning language and engaged in all kinds of  activities they otherwise probably wouldn't have been from a stroller or car seat.

I have read -- and maybe this was made up by someone who wanted to make parents of "slow" babies feel better -- that babies who do things later tend to be soaking up more around them.  They tend to speak sooner and often more clearly.  I do think that when they are engaged in whatever activity their caregiver is engaged in, they are preoccupied.  When they are left "alone" they find ways to occupy themselves, often finding out what their body can do.  This is so not true of some babies and I'll probably incite a riot with that statement.   Babies who do things early are more focused on doing than learning.   Like I said, I have no idea if that has any merit whatsoever.  As we all know, babies are all so different.  They do things when they are ready.

I was concerned about one of my kids being dyslexic when she was small.  I took her in and they wouldn't even give me the time of day.  They said at that age  -- she was about pre-K -- the spectrum was enormous.  They said by 3rd grade that gap narrows significantly. 

I've always felt like, who cares if one kid can read at 4, or crawl at 6 months, or eat solid food at 4 months, or walk at 12 months!  It doesn't mean they are smarter or better than the next kid.  It also doesn't mean that you are a better mom!  Once they are talking, walking, feeding themselves, swinging on the swings, playing tag on the playground, playing video games, Facebooking with their friends, and downloading music on their ipod, no one cares about these milestones.  It's like due dates.   40 weeks is an estimated time of arrival.  As we know, it means little. 

Ultimately, those milestones, in my opinion, are kinda stupid.  I think a mom knows when something is not right.  Those milestones, like fetal kick counts, make a mom super paranoid, almost always unnecessarily.  If you do feel that something is not quite right, visit with your pediatrician about your concerns.  Follow your gut, but not what the kid next door is doing!  Don't compare your baby with other babies.  For that matter, don't compare your teenager with other teenagers!

A couple of years ago I had to tell one of my students to put the books away and just focus on her baby.  She was making herself crazy with all the things her baby should be doing, or parenting exactly the way the book said was the right way.  At some point, you have to just look at you, your kid, and your situation and do what works for your family.  Some things sound great in a book but just don't play out that way in your real life.  I experienced this quite a bit with my babies. 

As for my former student's message?  I feel bad for the other kid.  He's not getting breastmilk, he's choking down solid food, not getting held nearly as much as his cousin, and he sleeps alone.  Follow your instincts, Mama!  You are doing a fabulous job.  And your baby is so lucky to be parented with so much love.

For the record, none of my kids read at the age of 4, but they all read now.

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Amputee

Saturday.

Saturday morning I hurriedly ran around two shops childless getting all that I needed as quickly as possible. Inc. 3 deep brown curtains for our lounge room.

As I got home I was excited to see how the new curtains would transform our lounge in color & texture. 1/4 the way through hanging these things one of the children slammed the front door shut. Michael was getting ready to leave for the gym.

I knew that bubba had crawled out the door. Not wanting her to crawl further away and down two dangerous steps to land head down on concrete I immediately opened the door.

As I looked down she was kneeling. Bouncing on her knees with blood over her hand, chest & mouth.
Not knowing what had happened but knowing she was hurt I picked her up bringing her to my chest and searching for the source of blood. I couldn't see a problem in her mouth straight away but she was trying to put her hand in their and was obviously still crying.

Then I saw it.
Part of her finger was missing. I could see white dots on the inside and knew it wasn't good and a trip to the emergency was required.
In record time the kids were in the car (dressed, pjs, no nappy changes, half dressed - bubba was in a nappy & bib) and we were headed to get help with a baby crying on my lap.

Yelling out to Michael for help the children began asking questions.

I had to hold her wrist so she couldn't put it in her mouth or touching anything other than her own hand by curling her fingers into the palm.

I kept thinking if I wasn't putting the curtains up it wouldn't have happened, or if the door was shut, or I should have grabbed her before she crawled out, or the child shouldn't have shut the door or.........

Michael dropped us off at the ed door and went to park the car and bring the kids in.

The ed was busy. I told the lady that my baby had just got her finger cut off and she let me straight through. Without even taking names and details. (Apologies if you were waiting).

The rest was a bit of a blur really.

The drone of the nurses voices become one and all I heard was a mumble. I was in shock and stayed that way til night.

Michael came in. After a little while I realised that my surrounds were too quiet and not the usual busy activity. Where were my kids?

On the way into the ed Michael's mum came out & took the three of my children home with her. How was that for timing?? She had been visiting someone else there.

The Dr assured me that her finger skin will grow this and that way and re-form that part of her finger but it will take about 3+ weeks to do so. In the meantime we need to keep it cleaned and bandaged.

She had managed to miss her bone. Just. And her nail. Just. And the first join. just. So it was the chubby ball part of her little finger.

Whilst she is fortunate that it wasn't more serious she has been in a lot of pain. They've given her painstop which has coedine and not recommended under 12months.
She has to get her hand redressed daily at ambulatory care.

The children were asking questions. How will she eat? Did her finger get cut off? Will she die? Who did it? Where is her finger? Is it in the door still?

Understandably she doesn't like her hand being touched. Especially without the bandage on.
Sunday morning she pulled her bandage off so we had to take another ed trip so her hand doesn't get dirty & infected. She hated it.

Being an extremely active baby I bought her a 'baby walker' to try get her off the ground. Or atleast some of the time.

When we got home I actually did find her finger and peeled it off the door jam. She lost quite a chunk if it.

I am so glad that it wasn't worse. That it was just the fatty part of her finger, that it missed the bone, that it wasn't her whole finger or hand.
I am thankful for a lot of things really. So as I gear up for another day on my own with all the kids ill try not to think of all the emotions that came with it.

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Child directed

Some days I worry that the kids arnt doing 'enough'. Really they do stuff everyday whether I tell them too or not.
Just this morning already (its 9am) Isaiah has put 3 loads of washing away, completed a hard-for-him puzzle & is now making plans to do baking. I asked him to put washing away & that was it.
This is a reminder to myself that yes, children can direct their own activities.
I now need to go supervise a baking experience. (I can hear him telling the other kids to get flour & butter etc)

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Jane! Stop this crazy thing!

Remember the Jetsons?  Poor George, a computer engineer, was the foil of his stereotypical tough boss, the bombastic Mr. Spacely, owner of Spacely's Space Sprockets.  To be fair, Mr. Spacely, even with his Adolph Hitler mustache wasn't intentionally evil, just meddlesome.  He was a business owner trying to compete with his rival, Cogswell. Together Cogswell and Spacely got in a heap of trouble and George always took the heat.

So, it wouldn't surprise me that if Spacely received a delivery of bad parts, he'd send them back and insist on a credit to boot.  He knows he has to build a superior product - a Sprocket.

What if Spacely had been a Principal Spacely in a school when he got that same delivery of bad parts - children, who from the moment they were conceived were at-risk.  Principal Spacely still has to deliver a solid product - a high achieving school. But, he can't send these bad parts back, can he? 

And that's where the business model being inflicted upon the PreK-12 education system becomes a guaranteed failure. Yelling "Jetson" isn't going to fix it.  And yet - pro-business reformers, RTTT champions, continue to claim the failures of the education system sit squarely on the shoulders of bad teachers (they would have you believe all teachers are bad teachers) and unions are at fault.  It's divide and conquer. 

What we as citizens and tax payers need to remember is that public schools were not designed to be profitable, not as entities in and of themselves and not through the various routes that tax dollars drip into our classrooms. This doesn't mean there are not efficiencies that can and should and often times have been made. 

In the greater context, education spending pulls in a profit in the number of qualified and competent employees we put forth into society - either as career-ready grads or students who choose to matriculate into higher education.  There are millions of graduates of public education gainfully employed, far more than those who are not.  In fact, there is a shortage of livable wage-earning positions to accommodate our competent graduates.

No one can ignore those fields that seem to have a shortage of solid candidates, and that truly is a societal failure to acknowledge and deftly adapt education to the changing markets of the world.  But, just what kept education leaders from responding in a timely manner?  Clearly the prescriptions and manipulations of the funding formulas that control just how public education monies can be spent have historically damned the adoption of supporting technology and new career path development. 

Take Bayard Middle School in Wilmington for example.  Accidentally named a PZ school by the Department of Education in 2011, several weeks of planning by district personnel furthered to develop an already identified "bold exploration" (see the CSD Strategic Plan) - the develop of a 6-12 STEM academy in Wilmington.  The funding injected by the PZ designation would have jump started the conversion of this school.  However, the promise of those funds were withdrawn when DOE realized that they failed to calculate Bayard's historical achievement data correctly.  The DOE then skipped over two other failing schools serving urban students and sent the money downstate to Laurel, a district that many assert is on the verge of financial collapse due to successive cuts in state funding.  This move by DOE has been seen by critics as a conciliatory slide of hand to Laurel.

The Bayard debacle failed to incite the ire of Wilmington's elected paid politicians and quietly slipped away, leaving the school district holding the tab incurred while planning and seriously delayed the implementation of a "turn around" at a school that is destined to find a home on the DOE's under-achieving list. The interventions needed at Bayard will have to come from local funds - at a price tag that would devastate the district's ability to fairly, properly fund it's many other schools in accordance with the funding prescriptions that come from the state and feds. The future turnaround at this school will be slow and right now, is tentative at best. Yes, the PZ funding never belonged to Bayard, but it should have flowed to the next school on the list - and it didn't. I can't think of a finer example of manipulation of funding.

Putting the Pieces Together

What Race to the Top has taught us is that even the federal policymakers recognize that public education needs an infusion of funds, not the systematic reduction that state governments are inflicting.  The ARRA stimulus funds of 2009 required states to maintain their funding of public education at the previous year's level.  The writing is on the wall.  Public education will cost Americans more as we try to move forward into a technology-based market after the fall-out of the Great Recession. Public schools must turn out graduates who are prepared for today's current career opportunities while competing with millions of un-employed and under-employed yet experienced workers during an a job shortage crisis. 

We've learned that it doesn't matter how prepared our students are if the jobs are not there.  And while federal and state policymakers are focused on college and career ready grads, we need our leaders to ensure those jobs and careers will exist- something that has simply not happened in part due to the constant fighting between political parties. It's rather demoralizing for our rising seniors - the understanding that the pay-off for their commitment to education may not be there when they are ready for it.

The conversion to great schools is costly.  We've spent ten years under the confines of No Child Left Behind, a law that punished schools for failure rather than provide these schools with the funds to convert to pertinent and responsive centers of education. As the ESEA is again up for renewal and will be so perennially until our political parties can agree, we must urge them to not loose sight of the children in the classrooms.  RTTT funds data coaches.  My students need teachers, capable teachers, and more of them - trained in the new market that these students will eventually arrive to - much more than they could ever need a data coach. My students need fidelity to best practices to implement vetted research-affirmed, peer-reviewed programmatic and cultural changes that will support their needs while training them for the future needs of the economy.  They need extended learning time that begins at 300 hours a year - the minimum amount determined by research and practice to actually affect achievement.  My students need smaller class sizes, especially in their early years to help mitigate the effects of an achievement gap that exists for some children from the moment of conception. And today, we need to turn our attention to our middle and high schools, to cut with precision focus through the funding red tape to ensure that all students rising into this time of economic uncertainty will have the opportunities for career success.

Troubled school left unto themselves with no change in the way funds are delivered will be forever slow and timid in delivering a dynamic education.  And while we need to employ best practices in all of our schools, we need to do so in a way that preserves those schools that are already achieving success for their students - that means protecting the funding that already flows into those schools.  Because each neighborhood, each town, each city is different, each school is a reflection of a socio-economic class. We cannot divert funding from successful schools to pay for reform in under-achieving schools.  We have already stated that efficiencies need to be achieved and frequently have been - yet we need to acknowledge that decreasing the dedication of services in a successful school will negatively impact achievement.

We must begin to look at a public school system specifically as being non-profit-bearing, and for that matter as being a giant financial hole, a tax write-off, an entitlement program.  We must move away from the concept of educational institutions as a business.  Businesses by design break even or generate profit.  Schools do not, can not, will not if their only funding is federal, state, and local taxes.  Schools are not permitted to accumulate funding except for local taxes.  If you don't use your state and federal funding, it's taken back.  This puts districts in a tremendously difficult position of wanting to deploy targeted funds when it would be illegal to do so.  Current funding formulas have indeed tied our hands.

What I know for sure is this - Businessman do not belong in the classroom, which is squarely where they have inserted themselves.  When a Media Mogul creates an Enterprise to contract with state departments of education to supply the likes of data coaches, I am certain of two things - 1) some of those data coaches received a public education and 2) the media mogul has just received an influx of funds from education that the tax payers intended to send to the classroom. Business is diverting education funding.  The resulting failures are being places squarely on the institution providing the education and everything about this scenario is morally and ethically wrong. 

Business has a role to play in education - as employers of our qualified graduates.  And that is exactly where businessmen belong.  At the very end of the chain.  And if they so choose to invest philanthropically in our non-profit education centers - schools - great, but those funds should come with only relevant strings attached - in non-profits this is called "restricted giving."

Education is not a land grab and treating it as such is utter chaos.

Jane, Stop this Crazy Thing!

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5am starts.

The past two days this baby has woken at 5am for her morning feed. Not a problem. Feed then bed. Works for the rest of them & her up until 2 days ago.
It's the bed part that she is now not doing. She cried & screamed.
So I got her up & put her with a sleeping 3yr old. She cried & screamed.
So I got her up and sat on the couch then put her on the ground. She cried & screamed.
Hubby got up.
Three children got up.
The sun is up, it is high & warm.
I don't get up til 7.
She is going through my stuff - happily.
The children are fighting. Yelling. Crying.
I am still tired & not ready to face the day.
*sigh*

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Birthday Boy & Baby Loss

As we close in on another year of our first-born-son's birth I am aware of the birthday's that we will not have with those of whom we would have loved more than we do already. I know how much of a blessing our very own 6 year old son is to our life & others around us & yet remain painfully aware of how 'missing' other children are. What am I on about?? I'll tell you. A deep personal story.

When our first-born-prince was 9 months old we conceived our second-unborn-princess whom we lost 9 weeks later.

I still remember that 'feeling' that I needed to see the Dr & so I did. Ultrasound day was the next day & as we waited for the flicker thing to flash on the screen it was absent. The sonographer was deadly silent. Moving, poking, prodding. I could tell something was not 'right' just by the way she held herself. She got a second opinion then she told us the news Michael & I already knew. There was no heartbeat.

Our baby who we had gotten all excited about had died without us knowing. We had even shared the exciting news & I did a scrapbook page about her.

We had to wait around for hours for the printout to happen. It sucked. Rarely are we that quiet. Rarely am *I* that quiet. Another Dr visit, a referral to hospital. More waiting. Seeing another Dr who wanted to scrape living cells that surrounded my baby out of me. Pfft!! As if!! A stranger trying to treat us as if our baby was 'just cells'.

I went home and waited it out. Quiet & sullen. She popped out the next day. I held her in my hands. She was tiny and small. She was the size of a 10c piece. I could see the curve of her back bone, her tiny little arm studs, the curl where her legs & feet would have grown & two black dark eye sockets where her eyes would have developed to have witnessed the world that was created all those years ago. She was not just a bunch of cells. She was a real-live-baby. Our Baby. She had been growing for 7 weeks. She had been alive in our separate bodies before that.

We named her Anaya Lysandra which means look up to God, & One who was chosen. It was fitting. It didn't feel right to 'flush her', or put her in the 'bin'. So I put her in a little scrap-booking container & popped her in the freezer. When the freezer got low I could see she was still 'alright', or other times I would panic thinking she had gotten lost or flicked out & would check on her. She never moved. But there were plenty of times that I thought about her. She stayed like that for two years.

Psalm 139:13

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb"

I remember every May. Thinking we should have had a 1yr old, 2 yr old, 3 yr old, 4yr old, next year we would have had a 5yr old. Then my lil Princess (third pregnancy/second child) would crawl past or run past with her bouncy curly hair & I know that I wouldn't have had her without the loss of our second pregnancy.

Every August I remember this was the month she was conceived & every September I remember this was the month we lost her.

I remember each time we have to tell a midwife how many pregnancies we have had & the births of all our children. I even remember her 'birth' when I think of the others.

Only 6 months later we conceived our third child. Our second born child. We wouldn't have her if we hadn't lost our baby. That's a hard one isn't it. To be grateful for the baby who made it who is in your life daily without feeling loss for the one who didn't. How do you make sense of that?
I have had the priveledge of talking to another mumma *waves* who lost her baby & conceived her living baby while she would have been pregnant. We are both very grateful for that which we have while still thinking & missing our missing child.

Jeremiah 1:5 

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb"

I heard a mother who lost her son at age 34? say "what is easier? Losing a baby early term? full term? still birth? a child or an adult child with a wife & 2 kids? I don't think ANY would be easier" & I think she is right. One has lived many years on earth yet leaves behind a spouse & children, another hasn't lived earthside. Isn't that a hard concept. Either way there is a loss encured. Grief hey. It is a strange thing.



I think that there are different kinds of 'baby loss'. Through miscarriage, still birth, live birth with an early death, live birth with a death at age 34, abortion, accidents, incidents.

But then there is a different kind of 'baby loss'. The kind where there has not BEEN a baby but the mother so dearly, so desperately would LIKE one but can not for whatever reason. (Think Hannah mother of Samuel, Rebecca & Leah, Abraham & Sarah, Tamar, etc). What category does those women fall under? The TCC mothers? Barren women?? *sigh*

They are all hard categories arn't they. Which is hardest? Which is easiest? They are all forms of loss. Some more seen then others, some can be hidden others can not.

Let me tell you this. If you blame yourself in any way then I have news for you.

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO CRY!!!

YOU HAVE PERMISSION GRIEVE!!!

YOU HAVE PERMISSION!!!

Whilst many mourn the loss of a full term baby there are many more mourning the loss of an early term baby. Their baby is hardly recognised as being a baby. I've heard of people giving their baby a name while others bury their very little baby under a tree or special plant in memory.
 That is about it.

So today, in memory of many missing babies but a few in particular with loads of tears & a giant handful of balloons off the end of the jetty. It was rather a series of special moments that I know I will remember for a long time.

If you are one of these mumma's with or without children I want to pay tribute to you and let you know that I believe there is hope in healing. That you can be healed from your loss/es. Do you need to go let of a series of balloons? Do you have something to say to your baby/s (yes I am aware that is not correct spelling)? Then I encourage you, to find the time, to do so.

Psalm 91:1

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty

So, I would like to pay tribute to SOME babies whom are not here on earth, but resting peacefully in the arms of a loving saviour: I have never really done anything special for our missing baby. I do have some plans in my head. I think that from now on I should.

IN MEMORY OF:

Please feel free to add more babies that you in the comments section

Anaya Lysandra 2006
Kharlie 2010
Joshua
Jeremy
Samuel

Jack 2005

Adam Joel 2006

Thomas George 2009

Serenity

Sebastian Levi 2011- Go read this blog!!
Hannah
Rebecca
??? 1980-1981
Ella

((And if you are wondering what I tell my children, because I know the questions come up about what they tell their children when someone dies, I tell them the truth as it is. The baby died in the tummy so mummy is sad. My children know about Anaya and that she died in my tummy. I do not believe in witholding life truths from my children and as their parent that is my & my husbands choice. Not saying that those who do not are doing it wrong. Simply stating this is what *I* do & I believe it is right for our family))

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Toddler Tantrums - Keeping it In Perspective

I am totally out of the toddler tantrum era (thankfully) and am fully immersed in teenage drama.  I don't know which is worse, really.  The toddlers are physically draining, but the teenagers are mentally and emotionally exhausting.  I love telling my toddler-freak-out-moment stories, but I'll refrain.  We've all been there, done that. 

I have a good friend that is dealing with a very active and inquisitive toddler and she has received some mixed advice lately.  She posed the question to a few of us and I wanted to share one of the responses she got.  I think there are probably several readers that could benefit from her words.  She practices Attachment Parenting better -- and more accurately -- than anyone else I know.

Here was the question:

This is so random, but I need veteran mommy help. Seems like (toddler) is having a lot of tantrums lately. Somebody recently told me that I need to stand him up and make him obey, that he shouldn't be allowed to have his way and that I should not nurse him after a fit as not to "reward" that behavior. Thinking on that. I try and reason with him, as he comprehends very well for 17 months. Any thoughts?

Here is the (fabulous) response:

A) I don't think children should be treated with less respect because they are little. B) if someone told (husband) to stand up to you and make you obey you would think they were a total jerk.

That being said - you don't deserve to be treated disrespectfully by (toddler) just because he is little either.

I don't want to raise obedient children, I want to raise thoughtful respectful adults. Respect begets respect in my opinion (well until they are 15, but I think that's a temporary freak out thing, kind of like being a toddler).

The problem with toddlers is that they are so frustrated in their little bodies because they cannot execute their big ideas. He's not freaking out to be spiteful or mean to you, he's just trying to get his point across using his improving communication skills. For all his life you have given him most everything his heart desired. Now his desires are getting more particular than just cuddling and nursing, which means that he is having to learn to not get everything he wants which sucks for him.

Our job is to teach them it's okay to have wants, it's okay if sometimes they aren't immediately fulfilled, and what the appropriate ways are to make those requests are and deal with the disappointments.

I think when a child tries to express frustration through a tantrum and a parent "stands up" to them with a scary show of force, it reinforces that that is acceptable behavior (a mommy tantrum) and also tells him that mommy has no better coping skills than freaking out too.

Going the alternate route of speaking in a very quiet voice and offering alternatives to the tantrum, and soothing words that you know he can take deep breaths and calm down reinforces that fact to you and him. If also forces him to lower his volume to hear you. Even if you achieve that reaction 51% of the time, you are reinforcing the message that most the time, overwhelming feelings can be dealt with calmly.

It is hard as heck to be calm when meltdown is occurring so that's why I focus on that scale being tipped rather than insisting on perfection in myself. For some reason this week has been really hard for her and I and a couple of times I have loaded everyone up in the car and gone for a drive.

I feel for (toddler daughter) when she wants something so badly and can't have it, while I just walk over and pick it up, or get it off the shelf. Now she is starting to self regulate and tell me she is taking deep breaths and thinking in the middle of her tears.

I don't do nursing sessions at this point to get a big tantrum under control (unless it's really a crisis), but at the age (toddler) is at, I would ask her if nursing for a moment would help her to relax and think more clearly and if she said yes I would nurse for a bit. That's been his comfort and how he regulated his emotions for his whole life- why should that change abruptly?

Also as nursing is changing, also pay attention to whether he is hungry/ thirsty/ tired , less nursing as he grows means different patterns of food and water consumption and of his blood sugar is down his behavior will suck....

Thanks Shannon, of simplebaby.com, for those words of advice and perspective.  I have no doubt they will help another mama dealing with the exact same situation as our friend.  I have determined that it is easier to deal with a toddler tantrum than one of a 15-year-old not getting his way.  At least they are still cute as toddlers!  Good luck mamas!  This too shall pass.

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Glasgow Church Closer to Acquiring Red Lion Christian Academy

Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church in Bear is moving ahead with plans to acquire and institute “sweeping reforms” at the financially troubled Red Lion Christian Academy after church members overwhelmingly endorsed the plan today. ...


If the deal goes through, the private school will see significant changes in leadership, values and financial operations, Betters said in an interview. Christian education and academics will be top priority. Red Lion’s football program will not, Betters said. 

The school admitted to violations of state athletic rules last year that included too many football games, excessive practices and improperly managing financial aid.

Also controversial was Red Lion’s push to build a nationally recognized powerhouse team.

“We believe we can still have a powerful football program that reaches out and touches young men who wouldn’t otherwise make it. We believe that’s possible with some changes in priorities and shifting of values as we go forward,” Betters said. “I don’t envision us going all over the nation to play football.”

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The Collective Conscience

http://www.townsquaredelaware.com/our-collective-obligation-the-quest-for-better-schools/

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Routines

So, awhile ago a friend posted their routine. I thought it was great but it didn't fit us. So I wrote out our 'routine'. Whatever that was.

Over the past weeks or months since that post things have 'changed'. As in, I have realised our routine is a bit more routine-ish.

So here it is:
7-9am Morning Jobs inc. breakfast
9-12 noon Homeschooling (Language Arts, Maths)
12-1pm LUNCH
1-2pm Quiet Time - Read SELF Books & BE QUIET
2-4pm Free play/outing/Homeschooling (Cooking, Science, Soc. Studies)/Sport (Dancing/Tee Ball)
4-5pm Afternoon Jobs/Prep Dinner
5-6pm Dinner, Ready for Bed
6-7pm BED (Okay, so sometimes BED goes over 7pm)

So that is the MAIN gist of things.

On another note, some one asked me 'how do you do it?' (meaning school the kids with young ones). My answer is: We ALL do 'school' together. Kind of like playing a giant game with different players of different skill levels. Except I am the referee and I need to be ALERT or the mess occurs. No, wait, the mess occurs regardless...

So that is our routine & how "I do it". In short.
(Kids ages: 5yrs 11 1/2 mths, 3yrs 11mths, 2yrs 4mths, 8mths)

5 Things I am Thankful for:
1. A routine that works for US
2. Flexibility within the routine
3. Quiet Time - it is a GREAT time of the day
4. Free play - Kids love it
5. Job times. Things get done when they need to

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Postpartum Sex -- Or the Lack Thereof

This is anything but a sexy post.  Let's start with the semi-sexi though:  50% of women have an increased sex drive during pregnancy.  Of course, the flip side is that 50% have a decreased sex drive.  I can usually tell which category women fall into when we have this discussion in class by the look on the dads' faces.  The sexy side is that sex is good during pregnancy for a number of reasons -- reasons that I'm not going into right now -- but then, the baby is born.  The crazy sex (for 50% of you!) comes to a screeching halt.

Your entire universe is turned upside-down by this little bundle of joy.  You now have a crying baby on your hands.  You are leaking milk everywhere, waking up in puddles.  The furthest thing from your mind is sex.  Maybe you tore and had stitches.  Maybe you've had a hard time going to the bathroom or sitting in a chair.  Things can be very tender for varying lengths of time.

Dads, on the other hand, have that 6-week postpartum check-up circled on their calendar.  You know, the one where they talk about birth control and give you the go-ahead to engage in sexual activity again.  (The significance of 6 weeks really has to do with the position of the cervix more than anything.  I didn't know that until my 4th baby.  I thought it was all about bleeding.)

News flash:  Many moms are not ready to have sex again by 6 weeks!  

New moms are wired to be 100% preoccupied with their new baby, even for months.  It is so important that couples have this conversation and do not just assume that at 6 weeks she will be ready.  I never tore with any of my babies and the first time having sex after giving birth was always pretty intense.  I'll be the first to admit, I was not into it at all, but felt bad for my husband.  It was guilt sex.

Physical obstacles include leaky breasts (some men like this and others are really turned off by it) and vaginal dryness.  Breastfeeding contributes to the dryness, but I've never been comfortable "blaming" breastfeeding.  As you know, sex for a woman is as much about what's going on in her head as it is what is happening physically.  Like I said, she is 100% preoccupied with the baby.  A lot of women find it hard at this point of motherhood to feel like the sexual being they were previously. There can be some emotions to work through and adjust to, and sometimes this can take months.

Depending on what baby number this is, she may be "touched" all day long by various numbers of children.  Nursing, holding, changing, consoling.  At the end of the day, she may just want to be left alone.  This is so hard for a relationship.  I've seen lots of moms (and dads) go through this.  I know, when David and I have frequent sex, our relationship rocks!  When we go long periods of time without it, we fight and get annoyed with each other.  He'd be thrilled to know that I'm writing about this!  I have no doubt that every relationship is the same way.  Going months without sex is hard on a relationship. 

I have not gone through this personally, but I know plenty of people who have.  It's been very trying and every mom I know feels terribly guilty.  In every case I know of, the mom tore pretty bad and was stitched.  They all felt that the stitches were too "tight" and not quite right.  All of them were embarrassed to talk about it and felt that what they were going through was very rare.  That's really why I wanted to write a post about it.  It should be talked about and women need to know that they are not alone.  Communication and compassion are crucial in a marital relationship enduring this trial.

Over the years, I've heard a few dads comment that they feel like they've been replaced by the baby.  This, too, is short-lived, trust me!  Every day I feel like it's me and David against these 4 crazy kids!

 A good friend of mine gave me a silly book several years ago called The Diaper Diaries: The Real Poop on a New Mom's First Year.  Normally, I really hate books like this, but this one is really pretty funny and I'm pretty sure I've laughed out loud at several of the pages.  I have often referred to this "chart" of a typical 20-year scenario with a child.  It's divided by years of motherhood-- what the baby does and what the husband does in that year.  I hope you enjoy it.


1st Year: 

Smiles every time he sees you and cries when you leave the room.  Says his first word:  "Mama."

Wants to breastfeed like the baby.  Changing diapers makes him sick to his stomach.

2nd Year:

Loves to sit on your lap and read Are You My Mother?

Baby bumps his head when husband is supposed to be watching him.

 

3rd Year:

Wants to marry you when he grows up.

Teaches baby Three Stooges eye poke.

4th Year:

Has developed bad habit of wiping his nose on your pants.

Wants to cuddle with you after you've had a bad day.

5th Year:

Insists on wearing Spiderman outfit to kindergarten every day.

Will listen to you complain about your boss every night.

6th Year:

Won't let you kiss him at the bus stop.

Expands cooking skills beyond "grilling" so he can make dinner the other 10 months of the year.

7th Year:

Begs for (and gets) puppy.

Will gladly turn off the baseball game to make out with you.

8th Year:

Is tired of puppy (now dog).  Will only talk about baseball.

Takes over puppy duties.

9th Year:

Thinks girls, homework, and vegetables are all stupid.

Watches Sex and the City with you.

 
10th Year:

Loses an average of one sweatshirt and one pair of sneakers every week.

Occasionally leaves sticky love notes for you on the bathroom mirror.

11th Year:

Will only talk about soccer.

Is willing to spend his whole vacation with your parents.

12th Year:

Thinks his friends are cool and you are dorky.

Worries about you when you have to drive in bad weather.

13th Year:

Won't leave his room because he has pimples.

Still thinks you're hot, especially when you wear your cut-offs.

14th Year:

Drives friend's motorbike through high school cafeteria on a dare.

Washes and vacuums out your car when you are harried.

15th Year:

Allows motorbike friend to tattoo rattlesnake on his ankle.

Encourages you to go back to school to get your Master's.

16th Year:

Wants to quit school to become a magician's apprentice.

Buys you a sexy sports car for your birthday.

17th Year:

Needs to borrow $4500 for a "once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity."

Reads the same novel you are reading for Book Club so he can discuss it with you.

18th Year:

Stops by the house just to shower and change.

Rearranges his work schedule so he can cheer you on in the tennis final at the club.

19th Year:

Wants to move in with girlfriend who is 4 years older than he is.

Waits up for you after your Investment Club meetings.

20th Year:

Wants to move back home with girlfriend because magician gig isn't panning out.

On your 20th anniversary, he says he'd marry you all over again.

Sometimes a bigger perspective is helpful.  Talk to each other.  Communicate.  If the bottle of lotion has to sit on the nightstand a little longer, so be it.  In a lot of cases, time changes situations if you can both be patient.

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POOP

That's right, you read the title right. Let's talk about poop for a few minutes. Did you know that you might poop when you push your baby out? Most people never think about this, and others are completely obsessed with the possibility of this happening. I've even had one of my couples have a c-section over this topic. She made it to a 7, everything was going great, and she opted for a c-section. She just could never let go of the fear.

Approximately 30% of women poop when they push their baby out. There is a trend I'm starting to see pop up of offering/pushing enemas to women when they are in labor. I got an email from a friend this week and here is a portion of it: "They gave her an enema before starting pitocin because the doctor didn't want to be pooped on. Yes, he personally told the mom this."  Gotta love the OB that does things for his comfort and not the mom's. 

At any rate, the body, typically at the beginning of labor, will naturally get rid of waste.  She'll usually have loose bowels, sometimes even diarrhea.  She should eat and drink throughout her labor though, which means more waste.  And that's ok!  So, along with all the questions I've given you over the years to ask your care provider, here's another one:

"How do you feel about poop?"

If you are super concerned with pooping when you are pushing your baby out, do the enema.  If it makes you feel more confident, by all means.  Know that I am not advocating the enema whatsoever!  In fact, I'd really just like to see women comfortable with their bodies and not afraid to eat and possibly poop in labor.  But, like all interventions, I believe there is a time and place. 

Let's go back to the mom who just can't let it go, no matter how much her husband and care provider tells her it's ok, it's normal.  They don't care if she poops.  There are some other issues associated with this fear.  At the top of this list is sexual abuse.  Pooping during pushing is not about vanity.  I strongly suggest counseling in this situation.  To most, this topic is funny and only slightly embarrassing.  To others, it's completely paralyzing.  

Last I read, approximately 1 in 4 women have been sexually abused or molested.  Poop has the potential to be a big issue for many women -- even one million per year -- about to give birth.  I can't help but wonder about the women who elect to have a c-section and never experience any labor.  It's a question that simply cannot be asked, and yet, I can't help but wonder.  Is sexual abuse a part of their history?  Labor and birth is an extremely vulnerable time in a woman's life.  She is exposed in every way possible.  It's a lot for a woman who has not been abused or molested to come to grips with.  But for a woman who has endured abuse or molestation, vaginal birth  may be much too overwhelming.  

If you have seen Orgasmic Birth, they address sexual abuse and birth in a very tender story.  The woman is terrified to surrender to the power of her birth.  When she does, she comes out stronger on the other side.  If you have not seen the movie, check it out.  It's about much more than just "orgasmic" birth!

What started out as a funny post, took a very serious turn.  You know me, I can't end like this.  So, in class, the mamas planning a water birth always want to know about pooping in the water.  (My water birth is the only birth I didn't poop!)  I tell them that if they are really worried about it, if the dad will just throw a bunch of tootsie rolls in the water at the time of birth, she'll never know if she pooped or not.  (I've never had anyone actually do it, but it would be a very funny trick to play on a midwife.)

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Hey, Markell/Selander, I PAY your SALARY!

Markell spokesman Brian Selander expressed dismay at the group’s decision to defy the state, for the second straight day, by choosing not to accept the Brandywine Park permit.


“The state made a very reasonable offer with the use of state managed properties at Brandywine and Fletcher Brown park,” Selander said. “It was an offer that respected constitutional rights to be heard and assemble. They've chosen a different path.”

And I pay for the upkeep of the STATE'S parks.  BTW - so do all the protesters. 

Thank goodness for the Occupy movement.  If these organizers hadn't come along, perhaps all of America would have forgotten how Civil Disobedience works and value of rallying behind a cause. 

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Results of latest study on Charter Management Operators - CMOs can't cure the "education crisis."

Published Online: November 4, 2011


Academic Gains Vary Widely for Charter Networks
By Nirvi Shah
A new national study on the effectiveness of networks that operate charter schools finds overall that their middle school students’ test scores in reading, mathematics, science, and social studies aren’t significantly better than those of students in regular public schools.

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Child led learning

Schooling lots of little kids can get tricky from time to time. You have to be flexible and allow the natural process of learning take its course. You can't plan these sorts of things.

Today. While 'doing a job' a child strayed away distracted by a human body book. Science. More interested then when I made that attempt to show and teach. Although I have had to abandon my jobs to read and just *be* its a much gentler and natural way for a child to learn.

Back on task soon.

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