A Letter to My Former OB

I have a great story. It's about a couple who educated themselves and broke free of their OB at over 39 weeks.  It was the difference between a vaginal birth and a c-section.  She was planning to give birth at the hospital where we did our rally last year - the worst in the area, as far as I'm concerned.  I wish I could tell you our rally made all these great changes in our community, but all it did was cause more animosity and bitterness - on both sides.  

I was so proud of this woman, not only for hiring a new care provider so late in her pregnancy, but also for writing this letter afterwards:

*This letter is shared with permission by the author.

As you may already be aware, I discontinued my prenatal care with your practice at 39 weeks on September 16, 2010. I am writing this letter to give brief explanation as to why, in the hopes that a better understanding of the situation will positively affect the care of current and future patients.

Until September 16th, I had been a patient with Dr. Udell for 10 years, I trusted her and respected her opinion. So when I found out that I was pregnant on January 10, 2010, it only made sense for me to continue my care with her. However, I was deeply interested in keeping my prenatal care as natural as possible. I am of the belief that my body was designed to create, carry, and deliver a baby with limited outsider involvement. This is not to say that I am completely against medical advancements and screenings, but I do not subscribe to inductions and cesarean sections when one or both lives are not potentially in jeopardy.  I do not agree that there is a sound medical reason for the cesarean rate in America being well over 30%. Being that I had done significant research on pregnancy and birth, I was well aware of possible complications that could happen and the implications carried with each of them. This being said, I made my wishes very clear to Dr. Udell early on in my pregnancy. Dr. Udell was agreeable and said she would do whatever I wanted as long as I kept in mind she was going to do whatever it took to keep both mother and baby safe.

When my husband and I took the tour of the hospital on June 13, 2010, we were unsettled by the policies surrounding labor and delivery at Medical Center of Arlington. The fact that the hospital did not seem to have any “pro-baby” policies, but instead had very rigid policies that were very counter intuitive made us very nervous about our impending delivery. The requirements for continuous fetal monitoring, and baby being taken from the room for 3 – 4 hours following birth, are the two that stand out in my mind at this time. However, the most unsettling issue was the statement, “Most of our births are scheduled inductions or cesareans.” The fact that Monica, our nurse tour guide, gave Dr. Udell a glowing review, was about the only saving grace for the entire tour. 

I felt secure in the fact that Dr. Udell was going to do exactly what she said. It wasn’t until my 30 week ultrasound on July 15, 2010, when my suspicions were confirmed that my son was going to be large, that my confidence began to waver.  I explained to Dr. Udell that both my sister and I had above average birth weights and my husband at the higher end of the average as well. She seemed to accept this response at the time, however getting a baby that was too big seemed to remain a recurring theme for the rest of my visits. It was not until my 37 week appointment, August 30, 2010, that I started to truly doubt Dr. Udell’s word.  I remember the comment that planted the seeds of doubt specifically, “I find that it’s best when somebody goes into labor naturally at 38 weeks, otherwise you run the risk of baby that can be too big.” At the time, I wrote it off and prepared for my 38 week exam.

At my 38 week exam, I expected a vaginal exam that was similar to the two I had already had on April 12, 2010 and August 24, 2010.  Instead, what I got was a very painful experience that resulted in spotting. I fully understand that vaginal exams are painful and can often result in spotting, the statement that Dr. Udell made, “You’re thinning, but not dilated. I tried to push through, but couldn’t,” was what worried me the most.  In hindsight, I should have asked her what she meant immediately. However, I was too shaken up by the whole experience to think about it at the time. When I called and spoke to Amy, her initial response was something along the lines of, “Dr. Udell was just trying to get things started.” Then when I mentioned that I did not want anything like that it became the standard of care.  Several times during the phone call I felt as though I was being made to feel like I wouldn’t know the difference because I was a first time mother. This, combined with my 39 week visit, where I was called out in the waiting room by Dr. Udell, told that she was feeling for the baby’s head, reassured that she woulddo whatever I wanted,  then told me whether I liked it or not to expect the next visit to be rough.  After that visit, I was very confused.  I got the answer that I ultimately wanted – I will do whatever you want- but it was followed by another comment that conflicted with the last.

In the end, the combination of the poor policies at Medical Center of Arlington and thecontradicting statements I got late in my prenatal care with Dr. Udell led me to believe thatthe likelihood that my birth would turn into a Cesarean section very quickly and easily. After my 39 week visit on September 13, 2010, an opportunity presented itself to switch to the Certified Nurse Midwives at Harris Methodist Fort Worth.  After several days of conversations with my husband and the midwives office, I made the decision that their philosophy of limited medical interventions, limited vaginal exams, intermittent monitoring,  clear fluids, and the option of hydrotherapy during labor were exactly what I was wanting. That combined with the fact that Harris Methodist Hospital was a “pro-baby” hospital, and had a wide array of policies that supported the birth that I wanted, including the fact that all testing immediately following birth are performed in room with the parents present.

I am happy to report, that on September 27, 2010 at 0130, I spontaneously went into labor, during which I was allowed to and instructed to freely walk the halls after my water broke,  I was able to have clear liquids, and use the tub for pain management. After being allowed to labor down for an hour and pushing for almost 3.5 hours, at 1552 on September 28, 2010 I vaginally delivered a 10lb 3.9oz baby boy.  While he was posterior until the last hour of second stage labor; we did not experience shoulder dystocia despite his above average birth weight.

While the prenatal care I received at your office was great, medically, I believe that it was the lack of confidence in the natural process and in my intuition in my body’s abilities that finally ended my care with your practice. I do continue to believe that if I had stayed with your practice this delivery would have definitely turned into a c-section and I would be fighting for my VBAC on the next one.

Thank you ,

Tiffany C.

If you were dissatisfied - or satisfied! - with your care provider, I encourage you also to write a note explaining why. Take it a step further and take a few minutes to fill out The Birth Survey.  In my humble opinion, this is how change takes place.  

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Letter to a Baby Not Yet Conceived - Anonymous Post

The following piece was submitted anonymously as my family and friends do not know that my husband and I would like to try for another child. More controversially, they do not know that we intend to deliver said baby in our home with a midwife. I’m not sure how this will go over with my family and do not want to find out just yet. 

Dear Baby #4:

Last night, Daddy and I watched “The Business of Being Born” and our minds were blown away. We had heard of people having homebirths or water births or using midwives instead of OBs but honestly, it all seemed like hippy stuff to us.

I’m almost ashamed to admit it but I often looked at women who did these things as crazy for risking their baby’s life. For all I could tell it was just for a power trip. But last night it clicked. The realization of just how broken our maternity system is was shocking to me. I sat nearly in tears as I thought over my births in a new light. Our experiences would have been exponentially different if we would have been one of these freaks.

#4, I never thought we’d have you. With three big sisters, (and really only planning on two of them) you’d think we were done. And we thought we were. We really did. But you are in our hearts so deeply right now, no matter how crazy it would be. You are the hope we still hang on to. We have to make sure life works out to fit you into it. Finances and space are two big factors. Your sisters are still too young for us to even think of expanding yet. But this gives us time; important time to research everything we want for you.

I’m sorry I didn’t know more when I was pregnant with #1. I took a few basic classes. I wanted to try delivering naturally but it wasn't an overwhelming passion. I had no idea what the body was capable of and I didn't give mine a chance. I made it to 7 cm (which was further than I really thought I’d make on my own but I progressed quickly and reached this point after only a couple hours of labor.) For whatever reason, I gave up; thinking I still had hours to go. The epidural was placed but within minutes your sister was ready to come out. The nurse insisted I hold her in as the doctor wasn’t near. I hadn’t even seen a doctor yet. Heck, I was just getting settled. A few minutes later, an on-call doctor rushed into the room and out came your sister. She was delivered by the hands of a stranger. I tore even though there was no real reason for it. Looking back, I see it was resisting pushing that caused the extra strain.

I had an epiphany this morning as I dreamed of you becoming a real part of our lives. The doctors treated #1 as preterm. I had an early ultrasound with your sister that dated her as being younger than we thought. I had regular cycles and knew when the exact date of conception. The due date shouldn’t have really been negotiable by that much. But for whatever reason, the ultrasound tech moved the due date back by five days. It was no surprise that I measured ahead the entire pregnancy. And when your sister arrived late in the 36th week, she was treated as a preemie even though she very much came on her own time.

She was healthy but the doctors were scared. I should have stuck up for her but I didn't know I could. I didn't know that as a mom, her rights were up to me before she was even born. I wasn't given the chance to nurse her right away nor do kangaroo care. Her apgars were in healthy range. She had good color though and was breathing just fine. But that’s not how they treated us. With no nourishment, they stripped her down and took her from me for several hours. It was no wonder that she then showed low glucose levels and colder than average temps. Without even giving me a chance to help her, she was whisked away to the NICU.

The experience wasn't what we planned but we got home a few days later and settled into a very comfortable routine. I was lucky that after the separation, she still learned to nurse like a champ. I wore her often. The natural side of me came through and I soon forgot about the emotional pain and what if’s from her delivery. The time came a few years later that we decided to try again. The second time around, I knew I wanted things differently. I had it all planned out. 

And then the egg split.

I know now that this shouldn't have ruined my plans. I had more options but I didn't take them. I didn't know then that I even could take them. Instead I laid in a hospital bed for months on bedrest, was cut open without so much as a try for a vaginal birth. I was ripped away from my family and faced with a threat of endangering my babies at my weakest moment. I was limited in my interactions with my tiny newborns born too early.

In those moments I failed your sisters. Yes, they were born early and I am grateful to the NICU for giving them the extra assistance they needed. Yes, I needed to be off my feet and resting to keep my uterus calm but the constant monitoring just lead to more scares, more internal checks, more irritability, more contractions; it was a vicious and stressful cycle. The c-section was possibly preventable. I know this now. Sister #2 was head down and ready to go. My body could have done it. My doctor didn't trust my body. Since Sister #3 was breech, there’s no way to know what would have happened. I’d like to think she would have happily changed positions and come out head first like nature intended but I know maybe that wouldn't have been the case. 

I wish I would have thought ahead and consulted a doctor who was willing to do a breech extraction. Mine was not. I think I have a good doctor but she likes to play it safe. And while I always leaned towards safe equaling better now I realize there’s a wide variety of “safe.” I was afraid of the idea of having a split delivery with my twins but I never considered the emotional aspect of what would happen after the c-section and after not getting a chance to try.

So baby #4, if there is a you at all, I’m going to do it right this time. I want to know all my options and face all my fears. It won’t be easy. Daddy supports me as well as a wide community of online supporters but the ones closest to us don’t seem to understand. They see you as a risk they don’t think I should take. They think the things I want are kooky. I wish they could read my mind, feel my pain and my emotions, and understand the excitement that you bring to Daddy and I even as just a plan or a thought and not even as a conceived baby yet. 

I often think of you as a rainbow baby. Rainbow babies are created after a loss and most often referred to as a baby after an infant is loss, a stillborn or a late miscarriage of a little one. I didn't lose your sisters. I don’t intend for my pain to take away from that type of pain because I do not know it but I lost part of me during their births, part of me that I’ll physically heal from but emotionally will always be with me. So even though we never thought of having another baby, you were put in our minds and hearts as our rainbow baby.
Midwives like to say that homebirths are 90% excitement and 10% fear. So this is me facing that 10%, going outside of the normal.

Love,

Mommy 

Mommy is an upper twenty something freelance writer and parenting blogger that stays home with her girls in their Midwest home. Her passions are breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering and holistic medicine. She has three beautiful daughters age 4 years and 18 months x 2.

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Combating Gestational Diabetes

Jenni Rongey, a co-Chapter Leader for the Tarrant County Birth Network, wrote this post for the Banned From Baby Showers readers.  I've known Jenni for a few years - she was Jillian in the BOLD Fort Worth production of  "Birth" two years in a row.  She had a VBA2C almost 2 years ago and you can read her birth stories here. She also works as a birth assistant at a local birth center.  She is a wealth of knowledge and I hope you walk away with a new perspective on dealing with gestational diabetes after reading Jenni's comments.  Thank you, Jenni, for sharing your expertise and story with us here.

"Diabetes has affected every part of my life but none quite so deeply as pregnancy. I have personally experienced many of the complications and risks associated with Type II diabetes in pregnant mothers. Multiple miscarriages, strict diets full of counting carbohydrate to protein ratio, insulin injections, pre-eclampsia , c-section, induction leading to an emergency c-section, babies with under-developed lungs that were separated from me for hours or days after birth.

Funny thing is I’ve also seen a diabetic pregnancy where none of those complications reared their ugly head. That was my pregnancy too. So what changed you might ask? I stopped listening to my doctors list off all the reasons why I was high risk and I couldn’t have a normal, uncomplicated birth. I realized that the only thing that separated me from my friends that had normal, low risk, out of hospital births was that I had blood sugar
levels that fluctuated from high to low and they did not. I just needed to figure out how to control my blood sugar levels without medication. Figure it out I did and like so many of our modern day diseases it was all about diet and lifestyle.

What I want to discuss are the measures a woman that has been diagnosed with gestational diabetes mellitus (GDM for short) can take to help boost her chances of having the birth she wants. Merely getting a birth without all the interventions is an uphill battle for someone with gestational diabetes. It’s even harder if you desire a natural birth or one out of the hospital. The best thing you can do is to educate yourself and keep your blood sugar tightly controlled and educate yourself. Did I mention that you need to educate yourself?

First you should know that gestational diabetes can be readily controlled without medication. It takes some planning and determination to stick with your plan but aren’t the things that are most important in life worth a little work? Let’s get to work.

10 Things You Need to Know to Keep GDM under Control

1. Understand Gestational Diabetes – 
Gestational diabetes is a condition where a woman that has never been diagnosed with diabetes suddenly has high glucose levels in the third trimester of pregnancy. Insulin is an important hormone in the body. Its two main jobs are storing fat for future use and escorting glucose (sugar) into the body’s cells where it can be used for energy. When a woman becomes pregnant her body naturally becomes insulin resistant to a degree. This means that some of her cells start refusing to let insulin do its job. Extra glucose is left circulating in her bloodstream where it ends up being metabolized by the fetus. This is the body’s way to secure a steady stream of energy for the fetus as it grows. By the third trimester the mother’s insulin resistance is higher so that extra glucose can be secured for baby’s fat stores before birth. In most women, the insulin resistance isn’t noticed because their pancreas puts out ever increasing amounts of insulin to keep blood sugar levels normal. However in some women, the pancreas just can’t keep up and despite high levels of insulin in the blood stream, blood sugar levels remain elevated. Being diagnosed with GDM does not mean you are diabetic. It can mean however, that you have a greater chance of developing type II diabetes in the future. Learn to take care of it now and you greatly reduce that risk.

2. Understand the Actual Risks of GDM
• Big Baby Syndrome - Insulin works in the body by taking glucose out of the blood and putting it in cells for energy. It drives glucose first to muscles, then to the liver, and finally to store in fat. If your blood sugar
remains elevated the baby’s pancreas is left to deal with the excess. It will produce extra insulin which will help store glucose as excess body fat. That is how an uncontrolled diabetic mother can have a baby that is
too large. If your blood sugar is tightly controlled this is not an issue. By the way, if you do have a large baby there are several squatting style birth positions that open the pelvis by an extra 30%. This is a lot of wiggle
room. A large baby alone is not a reason for an automatic c-section.

• Low blood sugar in the newborn – If your blood sugar has been chronically high or is high during labor then your baby may be born with low blood sugar. Remember that your baby’s pancreas puts out extra insulin to help get rid of the excess glucose in its blood. When the supply of excess glucose is shut off by birth, the pancreas still takes a while to slow down production of insulin. This can result in low blood sugars. Symptoms of low blood sugar in the newborn can be hard to see but they include irritability, lethargy, excessive hunger, and rapid pulse. For a baby exhibiting signs of low blood sugar the best cure is to put the baby to the breast early and often. Usually no other treatment is needed to help stabilize blood sugar as long as it is not dangerously low.

• Significant increase in interventions – The most dangerous risk of being diagnosed with GDM is merely being labeled as a gestational diabetic.  A woman diagnosed with GDM has up to a 50% increased chance
of induction or c-section just by being diagnosed. She may also be subjected to frequent sonograms, non-stress tests, and other invasive and unnecessary procedures. Many doctors want to induce around 38 weeks to “make sure the baby isn’t too big.” If you keep your blood sugars tightly controlled and within normal range your risk of having an overly large baby is no greater than a woman without GDM. Educate yourself so you can defend your choices if it comes to that. If a natural or low intervention birth is what you are wanting, you will need to be ready to fight for it. The best thing you can do is keep your blood sugar in the normal range. Ready for the how-to?

3. Eat a Diet That Does Not Raise Your Blood Sugar and Insulin Levels.
If a food raises your blood sugar it will also raise your insulin. The pancreas will fight hard to put out extra insulin to take care of any extra glucose in the bloodstream. The damage inflicted by excess insulin circulating in the body is enormous but for the purpose of GDM I will distill it down to one important complication, pregnancy induced hypertension. Insulin raises blood pressure and this is part of the reason that women with uncontrolled blood sugar in pregnancy are at a higher risk of developing pre-eclampsia. So exactly what foods will raise your blood sugar and insulin levels? Glad you asked!

4. Go Grain Free
Grains are the number one culprit in high blood sugar with sugar close behind. Are you surprised that sugar isn’t in first place? Unless you are drinking gallons of corn syrup laden soda and eating Snickers for snack
everyday (and if you are, quit that!) most people consume more wheat, corn, rice, and oats than sweets in any given day. This makes them the number one food to control. Do you really need to cut out all grains, even whole grains?  The answer I’m afraid is yes, at least until you have had a week or two of absolutely normal blood sugar readings. Then add in whole grains, if you must, one serving at a time. Pay careful attention to how you respond to any particular grain. I personally can’t even look at rice without my blood sugar hitting the ceiling but small amounts of corn or corn tortillas can usually be tolerated. If you monitor your blood sugar carefully you will know when you have reached the upper limit of your grain intake whether that is one serving a day or four. Along with grains you have to watch your intake of starchy vegetables, mainly potatoes and peas. White potatoes are the vegetable world equivalent of white bread. Sweet potatoes offer great nutrition with a much lower impact on blood sugar. What about sugar? Obviously sugar needs to be severely limited in your diet (even if you aren’t dealing with GDM.) Have you noticed that most of our favorite desserts and treats pair grains with sugar? Talk about a double whammy. So what’s a pregnant girl to do? Eat fruit…..just kidding! Check out recipes for grain free treats that are sweetened with honey, maple syrup, or other unrefined sugars. There are thousands of tasty recipes on the web waiting for you. If you are the experimental type in the kitchen you can start trying out wheat flour alternatives like almond or coconut flour.

5. Eat Whole, Real Food from Good Sources
Grass-fed meats, wild caught fish and seafood, and pastured chickens and eggs should make up the bulk of your protein. Local, seasonal, and hopefully organic vegetables will give you your best source of vitamins and minerals.  Organic fruit should be eaten in small quantities. I can hear the rumble of, “Sheesh! I’m not made of money,” out there. I know. I’m not either. Figure out your priorities. If you eat a lot of eggs but rarely touch red meat then spend your money on pastured eggs, and go ahead and buy standard grocery store meat. That small amount won’t be your undoing. You get the idea.  Dairy is questionable for some people struggling with blood sugar issues.  Usually cheese has very little impact on blood sugar but milk is actually quite high in sugar (lactose.) It will just take a little experimentation to decide whether or not milk will be an option for you. For those of you that are Weston A. Price devotees, and you know who you are, raw milk generally has less of an impact on blood sugar than pasteurized. Always eat dairy in the full fat form. It will slow the impact on your blood sugar plus the vitamins and calcium in dairy foods require fat for your body to absorb them.

6. Don’t Worry About Fat in Your Diet
If it’s good fat that is. Fats are necessary to human health. Fats feed our brain,  give our cells structure, and keep our skin glowing and wrinkle free. Fats help us metabolize vitamins A, K, and D. Good quality fats are necessary to  properly nourish mom and baby. The problem is figuring out which fats are  good and which are not.  Saturated animal fats from pastured and grass fed  animals are great! Grass fed beef is high in omega 3 fatty acids. Pastured lard  is full of heart healthy monounsaturated fats. If you eat pastured bacon save the grease and cook your eggs in it just like Grandma used to. Butter, cold pressed coconut and olive oil are all good choices that are easy to find as well.  Steer clear of processed vegetable oils, even canola oil. These oils become oxidized and rancid during processing. To hide the awful smell they are chemically bleached and deodorized. Sounds yummy right?

7. Check Your Blood Sugar Often
How can you know if you are successfully keeping your blood sugars level if you don’t check? Get a glucometer and check your blood sugar several times a day. Yes I know it’s tedious but trust me, it’s better than having to inject insulin twice a day. Your care provider should go over the values that you are looking for but just in case, your fasting blood sugar should be below 100mg/dl and under 140mg/dl two hours after a meal. Consider your glucometer your most important tool to helping you stay on track.

8. Exercise! For Real, Do It!
Consistent exercise is a major key to blood sugar control. When you do any exercise you move large muscle groups. To fuel those large muscle groups your body will direct glucose out of your bloodstream and into the cells of the muscles. Exercise can have a large and immediate blood sugar lowering effect.  If you exercise consistently it will boost your metabolism and make you more sensitive to insulin. Over time regular exercise will help to keep your blood sugars lower. I’m not talking about hours every week at the gym. Moderate walking several times a week for as little as 30 minutes has a huge impact on your insulin sensitivity.  Consistency is what’s important here. The more consistent you are the more benefit you will see. If you find that following all of these recommendations isn’t quite getting the job done there are a few more tricks up my sleeve.

9. Great Supplements
Choose quality whole food supplements that support metabolism and lower blood sugar levels. A whole food prenatal may be in your best interest. It is generally believed that people with metabolic disorders, and GDM is one, have a harder time absorbing nutrients. A whole food prenatal vitamin is more readily available to your body. A whole food chromium supplement is a must.  Chromium is a necessary mineral that helps regulate blood sugar. With depleted soils it is impossible to get all you need from food. Cinnamon is another valuable supplement for lowering blood sugar. While you can buy cinnamon capsules, just sprinkling some on your food everyday is a tastier way to get it. Certain brands carry Chromium blends specifically for blood sugar control that contain cinnamon as well.

10. Coconut Oil 
I know I went over fats earlier but coconut oil is a special one. Coconut oil when taken as a supplement supports your adrenal system, boosts metabolism, and lowers blood sugar. You can take up to 3 tablespoons a day if needed. If you have been on a low fat diet then start small. Begin with 1 teaspoon before each meal and work your way up. You may find benefits at a low dosage or you may need to go all the way up to 1 tablespoon before each meal. You can stir the oil into herbal tea or take it straight from the spoon.

As with anything regarding your birth, the better educated you are the better chances you have of getting the birth you desire. Gestational diabetes is not a one-way ticket to a c-section or induction. With some planning and dedication you can have the birth you envision. Happy healthy birthing to you!

*I am not a doctor or licensed medical professional. I have done my research and these are the steps I took to control my blood sugar during pregnancy. If you have been diagnosed with GDM and are currently controlling it with medication you need to start this diet under supervision of your care provider. You will need to very carefully monitor your blood sugars as you wean off of medication."


For more information, I wrote a post about testing for gestational  diabetes earlier this year, including the criteria set by the American Diabetes Association.

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The Perfect Birth - Does it Exist?

I received these thoughts from a former student - turning Birth Boot Camp Instructor - and wanted to share it here.  I think many women can identify with her point of view.  I'd have a dozen babies if it was all about the birth and breastfeeding.  Those little ones become big ones with opinions and attitudes!  While my 4th birth was my favorite, there are still things I would change or do differently if I could.  For example, I wish I wouldn't have said "Make him come out!" when I was pushing.  (We were convinced Darcy would be a boy.)  Thanks, Jennifer, for sharing your thoughts.  You are not alone, my friend.

"While playing on the beach in Daytona during our Florida vacation, I was taking pictures of the kids.  I took dozens of the same activities- playing in the sand, wave jumping, boogie boarding- looking for that “perfect” shot.  You know, the one that looks like it came in a new picture frame, or that you would see in a magazine ad for a beach resort.  Later, when talking with my husband in the pool, he said that he didn’t know why I wanted a perfect picture instead of a real one. One that shows the personalities of our four kids: their movements, their expressions, their quirks; one that shows what the moment was actually like.

It dawned on me, at that moment, that I have had that same view of my births.  You see, I have been struggling with not having another birth experience.  Partly because I want to do it all again (Ok, not really.  The four months of morning all-day sickness and early breastfeeding struggles are not necessarily moments that I wish to relive).  But when it comes to birth, I am consumed with wanting another birth.  A big reason for this is that I still want, and feel like I have missed out on, my “perfect” birth.  I have had (mostly) wonderful experiences delivering my three sons and daughter, and was blessed to have finally accomplished my natural water birth with my 4^th child.  But, I tell myself, it wasn’t a home birth… I went to the birth center too soon, and didn’t labor at home as long as I’d liked… the midwife was more hands-on during delivery than I would have preferred (we had planned on my husband catching the baby, but when her shoulders got a bit ‘stuck’, the midwife was quick to push him out of the way and take over).  Don’t get me wrong, it was a wonderful, life-changing experience- all of my births were- but it wasn’t perfect.  I find myself dwelling on that instead of relishing the amazing experience that it was.  I fondly remember the way my husband was my rock and encouraged me every step of the way.  I love remembering the way my three sons rubbed my back in between contractions, and how excited we all were to learn that they had a baby sister.  I am still amazed at what my body was capable of doing with the proper preparation and the resolve to succeed in my quest for a natural birth.

Was I perfectly poised throughout my labor?  Much like my squinty-eyed, goofy-grinned children, no.  But, just as my camera captured who my children were in the moment, my birth captured who I was at the time- all of them did, actually.

Were there things I would do differently if given the chance?  At the beach, as well as during my labors, yes!  But that does not take away from the amazing experience we had.  I will forever look back fondly at our Daytona vacation, and am glad I have pictures that show who my family really is.   I have decided to look at my birth experience in the same way.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was real, and it was perfectly mine."

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A Mother/Daughter Story of Life

Disclaimer:  Politics have nothing to do with this post.   This summer I posted on my Facebook page a young girl's dilemma and wrote a post about it.   At that time, I received an email from a former student about her mom who tried to abort her when she was 17 but failed.  This post is their story.

I saw a film at the age of 18 about how a fetus develops and it had a profound impact on me.  Remember, I didn't care about natural birth back then, but I knew that pregnancy was a special thing.

I had a friend that got pregnant our freshman year of college and I went with her to the health clinic for a pregnancy test.  As we walked out, I remember saying to her, "Your baby might already have a heartbeat!  That's around day 18!"  She told me to STOP talking about it.  She was going to drive to Lubbock for an abortion.  As naive as I thought I wasn't,  I thought that stuff only happened in the movies.  I couldn't believe I had a friend that was going to have an abortion.  Well, she did, and she was pretty depressed the rest of the school year.  It was pretty awkward after that.  Neither of us knew what to say and it just hung there.   I don't know if she dropped out, transferred to a different school, or what.  I never saw her again.

I am fortunate I never ended up pregnant as a teenager.  I always said it was the only thing that would have made me quit smoking though.  Like I have said before, I was irrational and compulsive as a teenager.  Like Brad Paisley sings, I couldn't "see past Friday night."  I think most teenagers are this way.  They can't see the effects of their actions on others or on their life down the road.  

I work with the 14-15 year old girls at church and one of them made a very mature statement the other day.  She said that she believes that things always work out - if they haven't yet, you just aren't to the end.  I loved that.

I wanted to share this post because I know the daughter in this story.  She is a truly a beautiful person - inside and out.  I know so many other people that are adopted and others that want to adopt.  I believe that life is precious.  And that things can work out with love, patience, and understanding.

Esmeralda’s Story 

I woke up with a high fever, sore throat, and my whole body ached. My mother insisted on taking me to see my doctor. At the doctor’s office they gave me several tests and the nurse came back to tell me that I had strep throat and that it was an easy fix with antibiotics but that she also had some other news. She told me that I was expecting a child. I was excited but scared of the unknown. At the age of 17 I wasn’t sure how I was going to be responsible for a baby. On top of that I was terrified that I was going to disappoint my father who had high hopes for my future. 

While lying in bed crying trying to figure out what I was going to do, my mind was going one hundred miles per hour. I was only 17 and I had my entire life ahead of me. Abortion came to my mind but I immediately dismissed the thought because that was something I could never see myself doing. 

One afternoon when I came home from school my mother had her friend over. When she saw me she asked me if everything was okay because I looked sick. I started to cry and she assured me that she could help me. My mom had already talked to her about my pregnancy. She insisted that it wasn’t a baby yet and she would go with me to a doctor in Mexico who could inject me with a drug that would cause my period to come. I felt relieved by the information she gave me because it made it seem like I wasn’t going to have a real abortion. To me at the time I thought, “well hey it’s just an injection versus the process of an “abortion”...not realizing it was the same thing. 

While waiting in the doctor’s office in Las Flores, Mexico I started questioning myself about whether this was the right thing to do. My mother’s friend continued to assure me that it was not a big deal and that everything would be normal again. When the doctor called me in he didn’t even check how many months I was or my medical history. He told me that the injection was going to cause my period to come. He said I would feel some cramping and discomfort. He said if I started bleeding a lot for me to go to the emergency room. After the first injection I asked the doctor if my period was going to come and then he then told me that he could give me a second injection to make sure. So that’s what we did. The whole process made it seem like there was a problem with my menstrual cycle not the fact that I was pregnant. 

I cried all the way home. 

That evening while lying there waiting I started to feel the discomfort, pain, and cramping. The pain was there but nothing was happening. I kept going to the bathroom but still no period. That’s when regret hit and I started to ask God, “What have I done?” I asked God to forgive me. I felt like it was the wrong decision and that it was irreversible now. While lying there confused I was watching an episode of "The Little House on the Prairie." It was an episode of a lady giving birth. To me that was beautiful and made me realize that it could be okay to have this child. That’s when I began to pray again and said, “Please God let this child live and I will name her Grace.” 

About 4 years ago in a conversation with my daughter I told her that I felt bad because I promised God that I would name her Grace but ended up naming her after Elvis Presley’s wife (Priscilla). LOL Then my daughter proceeded to tell me that I did name her Grace. And I said, “What do you mean by that? And she told me that her middle name Ann meant “Grace.” God is good! 

I have an amazing daughter who is my best friend who has given me a wonderful grandson and is currently pregnant with her second child. But what I’m most proud of is that she has a heart for God that will lead this generation toward its purpose! I believe everyone has a purpose and I hope that this story will help someone make a decision that will allow the life growing in them to have a chance to fulfill their purpose.

My story could have ended just like millions of other women that made the same decision I did. As you read this story I hope that it will encourage you to make the decision that gives life. 

Priscilla’s Perspective
 
Someone told me that they were shocked that I did not harbor anger towards my mother for going through with an abortion. The fact is, is that she was dealing with so many issues that had nothing to do with me. She was a teenager and thought she was going to be alone and was misinformed about the life growing in her. 

I believe that there are countless women who have made the decision to abort and live with regret everyday of their life. And on top of that are demonized and made to seem like monsters. My mother at 17 was no monster she just did not know what to do. I fully believe in everyone’s right to life, and by some miracle I got to have mine even though from the beginning my right was taken away. Information is key and every women should know that what grows inside them will feel, will love, will marry, have children and dreams just like the women that carries them.  

As someone who shouldn’t be alive, I am so happy that I am! My husband and son and this little baby growing inside me I am sure would second that. My mother lived through being a teen mom and learned as she went. And I know other young women who knew motherhood as teens would not work out for them and made the very brave decision of adoption. I hope that this story will reach the hearts of the conflicted and cause a pause before making a decision that is permanent. 


Thank you to Priscilla, and especially Esmerelda, for sharing your story.  It is sure to touch someone's life and give hope where there may be none. You are both strong women and no matter what someone is going through, your story gives hope that through hard decisions, wonderful things can come to pass.  

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Confessions of a Former Babywise Advocate

 A few years ago I had a mom in class that asked a lot of questions about Baby Wise vs. Attachment Parenting and it spurred me to write a blog post on the topic.  Fast forward 2 1/2 years and this same mom wants to become a Birth Boot Camp Instructor.  I knew she had "done" Baby Wise with her baby and that is not what Birth Boot Camp teaches.  She came clean and told me her story of scheduling her 1st baby and practicing Attachment Parenting with baby #2.   Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your story here.

"I am writing this post in hopes that I can encourage mothers in the art of mothering. I prepared for my first birth like many moms. Regular prenatal care, vitamin supplementation, proper protein, reading birth books, taking natural childbirth classes, and making a birth plan were all a part of the wonderful anticipation of being a mother for the first time.

We all receive tons of unsolicited advice when expecting, don't we? It may come from family and friends, but some times complete strangers at the check out, checking you out, nodding their head) saying, "So.... when are you due; pretty soon, huh?" I first heard of "Baby Wise" in line at a check out, then from a friend who it to me. I put it on my list to read along with all the other books Donna had us reading for class. 

One thing about me is, my personality lends itself to a schedule.  I like having a game plan and being in control. My mother always motivated me with check lists and it actually worked. I used to put things on the list I had already done, just so I could check them off and see the accomplishments. Yes, I am one of those "A-type" people. This may have been because I was a first born, or because of the influence of my mother who was a first born, or just because that's my God given organized personality. Any how, when seeking a plan for my firstborn, I went ahead and read "Baby Wise" because I had heard a baby needed to be on a schedule.

Our first born daughter was born at home! So, we got the unmedicated, natural birth we had planned for and loved the experience. I remember saying to my husband, directly after birth, "If that is how birth is, than we can have lots more kids!" I had my husband, midwives, their assistants, my doula, and our new baby all in my master bathroom at the time of her birth. I believe there were nine in all.

She latched on to nurse like a pro just after birth. She loved her sling, "The Over the Shoulder Baby Holder". After much research, we decided not to vaccinate at all. My two main goals were to exclusively breastfeed our baby for the first year and to have her sleeping through the night by at least 10 weeks. What was I thinking!!! What I did not know at first was that my two goals were diametrically opposed. I went on believing that if I scheduled her and followed the eat, wake, sleep pattern like what the "Baby Wise" book said, I could have the best of both worlds. "Baby Wise" made us think that if I we were going to be wise parents, we would follow a written schedule.

I live my born-again life with integrity towards God. 1 Corinthians 15:3b-4 "Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures." I believe a life worth living is found only in knowing and serving Jesus Christ. I love my husband and we both wanted to give our daughter the very best. Unfortunately, we were misinformed. 

It is true that a baby can sleep through the night at 8 weeks, can move to a crib in his/her own room at 6 weeks, can be a happy baby, and can nurse well for a while. I know because mine did. If there was ever a "just like the book baby" it was Alayna. Her patterns of eat/wake/sleep were exactly as the book said they would be. When she went "off her schedule," this is what we call now going through growth spurts, teething, or crying. Sadly, we looked in the book to see what to do for her, as if it were an all purpose magical baby users manuel. I hate to say it, but it's true. People stopped me all the time to tell me what a sweet, happy baby she was. They told me she was an easy baby and I was "lucky" to have her sleeping through the night so soon. She was very contented and seemed to be thriving in every way we knew of at that time until she was 7 months old.

I began seeing her demand for more milk and I was not producing enough to satisfy her. Up till then, nursing had been wonderful for us, but I soon realized that her metabolism was geared for large amounts of food at set intervals and that my milk supply was hindered by scheduling. It made my body so rhythmic that it would not let down until a certain time had lapsed. Unlike demand feeding, where a child communicates hunger and mother's milk is always there ready to flow! We were both getting so frustrated. She was hungry and unhappy and I was worried my dreams were vanishing. I went out and bought the best pump I could find. I had never tried a pump before until she was 8 months old. While this did help my supply a little, it turned out to be a big pain. I was nursing my daughter on schedule and tied down to a pump the rest of the time. I began realizing that my 2 goals were not compatible. I wish I had known that exclusive demand feedings at the breast were the most healthy and natural way to go. Sure I was told, but I had not experienced the freedom from a schedule yet.

I shared my frustrations with a close friend who recommended us visit her "Natural Doctor" in Houston, TX. My husband and I prayed about it and decided to get some professional help. We had never been to a Wellness Doctor before. Dr. Hopkins at CWA taught us many things about wellness, healthy eating, nursing, and how our bodies work best eating foods designed for us specifically. I was given whole food supplements to strengthen and richen my milk supply. He taught us and challenged us not to schedule our daughter anymore. In time a demand nursed baby will find his/her own routine that promotes his/her individual health. We prayed some more and chose to put a fresh priority on our baby's optimum health. We quit "Baby Wise" thinking and stepped out in faith to the unknown world of possibilities available through what the book calls, "Attachment Parenting!" My husband and I tried to un-schedule our 10 month old. The most surprising thing happened. I could not, try as I might, to un-schedule her. It was the hardest thing in the world, but I was able to get off the breast pump and go back to just nursing her for another 4 months. Proverbs 13:20 "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise:" I am so thankful for the true wisdom of our Christian Doctor.

It was so impossible to unschedule our scheduled baby. For 8 months out of 10, that schedule had become such a part of her we could not separate the two. I am sad to say, she only knew life through the "glasses" of a schedule. She was quite addicted to it. I mean, if she did not have meals at set times her sugar levels would plummet. With it, came crashing down tears and unrest. If we were away from home during "nap time" she would have a melt down. She seemed to "need" her schedule for weeks and months after we took it away. The regular ups and downs of daily living without a schedule were hard on her at first. It was not until she weaned herself at 14 months (too early for me) that we really saw full improvement in her ability to enjoy life to it's fullest. Who knows how long she may have nursed if we had never introduced a schedule?  Her mood swings went away and her over all health improved by 94% from her first check up with Dr. Hopkins at 10 months old.

I always felt very attached to my baby, but compared to my second born, she was actually too independent.  I would even say, she was unattached emotionally and we didn't even know what we were missing.  I am grateful our 3-year-old has recovered, but we will never have those early years to do over again.

After our second home birth, we talked about how, in some ways, it would be like parenting for the first time all over again. I was looking forward to guilt-free co-sleeping! I loved it and we got better rest than we did following "Baby Wise".  My husband cherished more time with our baby in our bed than I had ever dreamed possible. And because we were doing many things more naturally like demand-feeding, it was easy to go on dates. We were not on a time schedule dependent on when the baby would need to be in bed . 

Hannah nursed exclusively for 12 months and 1 week. Around 13 months we bought a king size bed to accommodate for needed space. I did not want space to be the reason to move her out of our bed before she was ready. She still nurses on demand and loves snuggling in her sling at 18 months old. I had never allowed myself the privilege of napping with my first baby in my bed, so I made up for it with our second. She stayed in our bed at night for over a year and then occasionally on an as-needed basis. She was still in our room in a pack-and-play until one particular night when she motioned "up, up" to the old out-of-use crib in her sister's room. Now that Hannah is 18 months old she sleeps in her own bed in her big sister's room because she wants to do things just liked Alayna. If she is sick and needs to nurse more frequently she knows she is always welcome back with us.

Recognizing that God has called me to function as His agent defines my task as a mother. Ibelieve our culture and "Baby Wise" have reduced parenting to providing care. Parents often see the task in these narrow terms. The child must have food, clothes, a bed and some quality time. In sharp contrast to such a weak view, God has called me to a more profound task than being a care-provider.

Mothering is a pervasive task. It does not end even when we are sleeping. In our homes we need to parent our children in God's behalf. Whether waking, walking, talking, singing, resting, or nursing, I must be involved in helping my children to understand life, herself and her needs from a biblical perspective. The best advice I can leave with you for mothering comes from Deuteronomy 6:5-7 "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." 

The task God has given me is NOT one that can be conveniently SCHEDULED."

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An All-American Birth Story

With permission, I'm sharing this email I received from a mom I met in Walmart.  I know what you are thinking, and, yes, I talk to pregnant mamas everywhere I go!  I rarely hear what happens after our encounters, however.  This is one of those emails that has been hard to forget.  This story is indicitive of how women are treated in American hospitals everyday.  It makes me terribly sad that women reflect upon their birth with sadness and powerlessness.  There is a saying that a woman will always remember how she felt -- or was made to feel -- on the day she gave birth. 

Hi, Donna. You probably don’t remember me because we met only briefly almost a year-and-a-half ago, but our meeting had a very profound impact on my last birth experience and on the way that I am looking at my present pregnancy and future labor. My husband and I lived in Mansfield for a short while when I was pregnant with our third child. We were shopping at Walmart when I was seven months pregnant when you approached us at the check-out lane. You asked where I was going for maternal care and when we told you, I was surprised to see your facial expression change so dramatically to serious and concerned from happy and congratulatory. We were so thrilled to be accepted at such a ritzy clinic because it is difficult to find quality care with Medicaid. I had not yet met with my doctor, but I was excited to receive good care at such a late time in my pregnancy. You informed us that our OB group had an extremely high c-section rate and encouraged us to look further into our decision before you gave us your card and told us about your work. We had considered ‘alternative birth methods' with our son, but home births are illegal in South Dakota where we had moved from so we had never followed through – midwives, although not as expensive as hospitals, are still a luxury that we cannot afford. This is why we have Medicaid.

However, since I had already toyed wistfully with the idea in my head, I was intrigued with the idea that natural births are better than hospital births and doctors and hospitals are the equivalent of the Big Bad Wolf and I went home and looked around on The Unnecesarean and Banned From Baby Showers websites. I was shocked to find so many statistics and the underhanded methods of physicians. The things that they will say to coerce a woman into a cesarean and the way that they will take cruel control in the name of ‘health’ shocked me. I showed the site to my husband and we went to meet my new doctor fully prepared with a few questions about his personal cesarean rates and a list of my expectations for my birth.

I told him my doctor the only way that I would have a cesarean is if my baby was in serious and immediate risk of death. Period. He quoted a cesarean rate much lower than the one that you gave us and explained that many cesareans rates quoted from their clinic included the cesareans for women who have already had cesareans in the past. He completely agreed that I should not have to undergo surgery unless the situation called for it loud and clear. We left feeling more confident and happily attended our ritzy high-end doctor’s appointments for the next several weeks, until…

I went in for a regular appointment at 35 weeks and the doctor checked to see if I had begun to dilate yet. To both of our surprise, baby girl had moved from the head-down to the butt-down position near the end of my pregnancy! This had happened with my son at 38 weeks as well, and my previous doctor had simply done a little sliding motion across my belly and he went right back into place quickly and almost painlessly. She then sent me next door to the hospital to be monitored for an hour and sent me home.

Dr. Ritzy informed me that this is a very difficult and risky procedure and I would need to go to the hospital in Arlington in a week to have baby moved if she hadn’t already done so on her own. So we went into the hospital a week later and found that our baby had not yet moved. They put me on a bed, prepped me for surgery for ‘just in case’ and gave me a drug in the IV to relax my uterus and make moving the baby easier. I thought that this was quite a bit of hoopla just so that the doctor could gently run his hand over my belly as my previous doctor had done for me, but I let him have his way and waited for the magic. What happened next was not magical, at all. He dug his hands into my belly and wrenched the baby to the side. It hurt more than anything I can describe to you, more than anything I have ever felt. They kept telling me to breathe, but I just couldn’t. Over and over he wrenched at my belly until I thought I might die. Just before his last try, he asked me if he should just stop and schedule my cesarean. I gasped out ‘no’ and he did it again. He failed. He moved her, but she was still not in the head down position and he didn’t dare try anymore. He informed me that he would schedule me for a cesarean in a week. I asked why we needed to do this- what if the baby moves herself? He told me that if the baby moved we wouldn’t need a cesarean. He would simply induce me and I would have they baby vaginally as I wished- YAY… wait. Why wouldn’t we just wait until I went into labor myself? That would give the baby more time to move and grow and become ready for the outside world, right? 37 weeks is not premature, but it is still early. Then he started with the lines that I read about on your site: ‘The baby is getting too big’, ‘You’re tired, it’s time’, ‘For your safety and the baby’s’… He went on and on over my protests and then walked out of the room. The nurse came in a couple minutes later to inform me that the doctor had scheduled me for the next week and had ordered me off of my Valtrex (I have genital herpes. Taking Valtrex in the end of my pregnancy ensures that I won’t break out and require a cesarean). I told her that I needed to take it. What if the baby moved? She walked out and came back to tell me that the doctor said I could continue taking the Valtrex.

We left the hospital devastated. I cried the whole way back to Mansfield and spent about an hour-and-a-half in despair, trying to accept what had happened to my pregnancy. I couldn’t though. I kept on thinking about your site and I slowly became angry. I spent the rest of the day trying to find a clinic that would take me in the end of my pregnancy. I found one and made an appointment for the day that my doctor had scheduled my cesarean. They did ultrasounds and monitored the baby immediately. Not only was she head-down already, but she was NOT too big at all. She was perfect.

You would think that this would be the happy ending, right? No. I went into labor at forty weeks and went to the hospital. My doctor was not on call. I spent the day being bombarded by all these different nurses and doctors that I had never met. Some were nice, some were pissy to be at work and it showed. When shift change came, I was assigned my last nurse. She came in from time to time to ‘check’ me but basically just kind of left us alone, which is what we wanted.

I had an epidural (I blame this on uneducation) and it started to wear off so my husband called her in. She told me that the anesthesiologist was working on a cesarean and would be about another 25 minutes. She checked my dilation and I was 6 ½ centimeters. Less than two minutes after she left, I had another contraction and felt the baby move into my birth canal. I almost jumped, it was such a surprise. I told my husband and had another contraction that sent the baby even lower. I sent my husband out to find the nurse. She told him that there was no way because she had just checked me and sent him back to the room alone. The next 25 minutes were so beyond painful that, again, I am unable to describe it. The act of fighting my urge to push only made my labor more painful and I was so scared. My husband went so far as to tell me to just push. I didn’t though. Who would catch the baby? (silly me) I wish I had. When the anesthesiologist came in I told her that I needed to push now and she immediately got my nurse. My nurse came in scolding me. She scolded me again when she checked me and was unable to find my cervix because the baby's head was in the way.  "Girl! I just checked you!" and then she put my legs in the stirrups, turned on the bright light, and told me to push. Half-way through my first push, her head crowned, but was blocked by the hand of my nurse. Half-way through that wonderful, relieving push I was ordered to stop and my baby’s exit was blocked. The nurse then paged the doctor and made us wait in that position for the doctor to arrive. When I asked if this was safe for my baby, the nurse scolded me again and told me that it was her job to worry, not mine. My baby was born with her cord wrapped around her neck and a slight case of jaundice.

Thankfully, they allowed me to nurse her for an hour before they whisked her off to a room where, contrary to the information in their brochure, my husband was not allowed to follow. Privacy and all that. Just as my husband was not allowed to tape or take pictures of our daughter’s birth.

If not for our chance meeting at Walmart that day, I may have let that first doctor cut me open. I may have fallen for his lines. My daughter was born 8lb 3oz, smaller than my son who was 8lb 8oz so his whole ‘baby too big’ line was a complete lie. I wish I had not gone to the hospital at all. Now I am pregnant again and I am facing a dilemma that I am sure many women face. I can’t afford a midwife or a birth center. My husband is unemployed and I am a stay-at-home mom. I get nauseous and anxious when I take my kids to their doctor’s appointments. I feel like I will be coerced into some sort of treatment that I don’t want for them. My last birth experience seems to have turned me into a bit of a mouse with doctors and I often take my husband to their appointments for support and a little bit of muscle.

(The midwives we are seeing) still go through the hospital and I am afraid of another hospital birth. I fear their policies, and I fear that when I am in pain and in labor they will take advantage.I fear that I don’t have the strength to stand up to them. 

 I don’t want wires and tubes stuck to me. 

I don’t want to have my water broken or a timer set for me.

 I don’t want my baby taken into another room at any point after his birth. 

I don’t want to be checked over and over by strangers who change with every shift. 

I don’t want my control over my body to be taken forcefully when I am at my most vulnerable. 

 I’m scared. 

I want a wonderful empowering beautiful birth experience where I find myself and my child. I want long hours of bonding and nursing uninterrupted by strangers and tests. What can I do? Please give me advice.  Is it possible that the hospital could drop their policies for a patient? If I was experienced at all I would consider an unassisted birth, but I am not and I don’t have the money for supplies. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for intervening with my last pregnancy. Things would have been very different without your concern for my baby and I.

I cried while I wrote this, as it is the first time that I have told my story to someone outside of immediate family. It took me quite a while to recover from (my daughter's) birth. I felt kind of empty afterwards and even a little bit ashamed. I felt like it was partially my fault because I didn't stop the nurse. Sometimes when I remember it I change the ending so I can kick the nurse out of the way and deliver my own baby or give birth to her before the anesthesiologist came in. I keep remembering the smug look on her face when the doctor walked in. She waved her hand over my daughter's crown like we were a show piece on The Price is Right, or like she had done something great and deserved a cookie. The doctor wasn't surprised which tells me that this is some sort of normal procedure there and they have done it to other women.  

I am working on a list of my birth expectations, complete with arguments for why it should be that way in case I come across any resistance. I get pretty busy with the kids and school so I haven't finished and I don't want to go to my first appointment unprepared. Also, it's always so busy there and I'm not even sure that the doctor will have time to listen to me. 



I have put her in touch with a fabulous Certified Professional Midwife that lives in her area since recieving this email.  I don't want to be a loud-mouth (well maybe I do), but I believe that change begins with each one of us.  We must speak up for ourselves and for each other.  Fathers need to know how to advocate for their wives and their babies.  Spread the good news of natural and normal birth, my friends.  Support the care providers -- in and out of the hospitals -- that provide Mother-Friendly maternity care.  Don't be afraid to speak out against the ones who are not.  If the demand is great, the change will be great! 

Send good thoughts this mama's way come September, that she'll have an empowering birth experinece, feeling loved and supported along her journey. 

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