Come to the Dark Side, We Have Breast Milk AND Cookies

So excited about this guest post from Karen Orchard.  In addition to being a great writer, she is a home-birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering PHARMACIST!  She also does some cool things with yarn (links can be found at the bottom of her cleverly written post).

Honestly, I was never much of a Star Wars fan.  Star Trek was where it's at for me.  The entire pursuing knowledge for the sake of discovery is more my style.  Ideas and learning motivate me.

I want to share with you how someone as unlikely as myself would turn into a home-birthing, extended breast feeding, and cloth diapering mama.

Berry Patch Mama - The Pharmacist 

Actually, I think me becoming a pharmacist is stranger than me becoming everything else I am.  Yes, you read that right, I am a pharmacist.  Honestly, I know perhaps one other pharmacist who gave birth without an epidural and insisted on taking breaks at work for an entire year to pump.  I am a strange bird in my habitat.  Most other pharmacists I know gave up on pumping after a week.  Not me!  I viewed it as my right, my baby's right.  Don't mess with Mama Bear!  I didn't back down, even when ten years ago my district manager wouldn't arrange a private place for me to pump.  My solution?  I sat in the corner out of view of customers, facing the wall.  It was a terrifying thought at first, but it became a routine and my coworkers got used to it.  Luckily they were all female.

Honestly, I'd never really wanted children.  I'd never thought much about it, which might have been a good thing.  My head wasn't filled with all sorts of cliched and romantic notions or dramatic portrayals from movies and TV.  Our families shape many of our ideas about things, especially child rearing.  Perhaps it was something of a blessing I was an only child for 7 years.  I had not a single cousin until I was 6!  I was never around other babies or children.  I hadn't all that much to 'go off of'.  As far as medications,  I came from a family where aspirin was the strongest analgesic in the house.  You didn't go to the doctor unless it was serious.  My father routinely believed he could think himself out of a cold.  The man never missed a day of work.  I didn't know any pharmacists and my parents weren't in the medical professions.

My mother was a woman ahead of her time.  She claims it was all the Phil Donahue she watched.  She was determined to have a natural birth and breastfeed in the early 70s, when people weren't doing any of those things, including having children.  You know, the whole Population Bomb thing and all had just come out.  Mom remembers there were no maternity clothes to be found in the department stores.  Modern women were liberated, you didn't need to breastfeed.  Be a modern woman, use formula! Working 9 to 5 and all that.

So, why the heck would I even become a pharmacist?  Poor guidance counseling for one.  I didn't know any pharmacists and my parents weren't in the medical professions.  It was ultimately my love of science and my practicality of wanting a steady, secure pay check.  Originally, I intended to go into pharmaceutical research and development, but I sure am glad I don't work for a pharmaceutical company now.  Maybe that's what makes me different.  I entered into pharmacy under the naive notion that science and concrete facts were what lies behind the pharmaceutical industry.  I think we all know what drives the pharmaceutical industry and health care these days, but 25 years ago in high school I wasn't so enlightened.  As you can imagine I am a tiny bit disillusioned now by it.

When I became pregnant 11 years ago I embarked on my usual strategy to deal with everything.  Research!  I love investigation, research,the thrill of the hunt.  I visited message boards (we were pre-blog and Facebook back in those days).  I found one for Attachment Parenting.  A term I had never, ever heard in my life.  I found it very fascinating and very reasonable.  It made sense!  That's what I like.  You see, I question everything.  I'll never accept anything without knowing the "why".  Then I found the Mother of all Attachment Parenting communities, Mothering.com (pun intended).  I was hooked!  I studied.  I read books.  Not cream puff books, like "What to Expect When You're Expecting".  I read Sheila Kitzinger, Laura Shanley, and Ina May Gaskin.  Unassisted Childbirth really made an impression on me.  I never did have an unassisted birth, but the book is just amazing!

The world would be a much better place if truth and fact were the highest of our pursuits.  If exploring strange new worlds and boldly going where no one has gone befo-....  oh I did mention I am a little bit of a Star Trek TNG fan.  That's the sort of scientific pursuits and world I'd have liked to live in.  I thought someday I'd be Dr. Beverly Crusher.  However, this isn't the 23rd century.

Really, we aren't that far removed from bleeding people, drilling holes in people's skulls, and the invention of antiseptic.  200 years ago doctors warned not to bathe too often, or else you may let the 'bad airs' in through your pores!  Ridiculous, isn't it?  Yet today, we aren't that much more sophisticated.  There is a plethora of standard protocols in hospitals based on little to no scientific evidence or good reason.  Most hospital procedures are based on mitigating liability, not science or medicine.  True story.  In light of that, I think you, as a lay person, should keep in mind that the medical profession doesn't have the best track record on sound, reasonable advice based on scientific fact.  If it doesn't make sense to you, ask "why?".  If you don't get a answer that makes sense, do some investigative work and find out the truth.

Above all things, I think the truth about things is the most important thing for me.  I won't hide behind ideology, or political correctness, or popular opinion, or "because that's the way we've always done it.  That's why I believe in natural birthing and all the other things I believe in.  Because they are  reasonable, rational, and logical.  Live long and prosper and have a great birth!

Oh hey, PS, I just discovered a woman pharmacist I work with is due this weekend and it's her second birth at the local Midwife Birthing Center!  When she told me I believe I did a fist pump and exclaimed "Oh yeah!"

Karen Orchard  

BerryPatchMama on Facebook

BerryPatchMama blog

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Letter to a Baby Not Yet Conceived - Anonymous Post

The following piece was submitted anonymously as my family and friends do not know that my husband and I would like to try for another child. More controversially, they do not know that we intend to deliver said baby in our home with a midwife. I’m not sure how this will go over with my family and do not want to find out just yet. 

Dear Baby #4:

Last night, Daddy and I watched “The Business of Being Born” and our minds were blown away. We had heard of people having homebirths or water births or using midwives instead of OBs but honestly, it all seemed like hippy stuff to us.

I’m almost ashamed to admit it but I often looked at women who did these things as crazy for risking their baby’s life. For all I could tell it was just for a power trip. But last night it clicked. The realization of just how broken our maternity system is was shocking to me. I sat nearly in tears as I thought over my births in a new light. Our experiences would have been exponentially different if we would have been one of these freaks.

#4, I never thought we’d have you. With three big sisters, (and really only planning on two of them) you’d think we were done. And we thought we were. We really did. But you are in our hearts so deeply right now, no matter how crazy it would be. You are the hope we still hang on to. We have to make sure life works out to fit you into it. Finances and space are two big factors. Your sisters are still too young for us to even think of expanding yet. But this gives us time; important time to research everything we want for you.

I’m sorry I didn’t know more when I was pregnant with #1. I took a few basic classes. I wanted to try delivering naturally but it wasn't an overwhelming passion. I had no idea what the body was capable of and I didn't give mine a chance. I made it to 7 cm (which was further than I really thought I’d make on my own but I progressed quickly and reached this point after only a couple hours of labor.) For whatever reason, I gave up; thinking I still had hours to go. The epidural was placed but within minutes your sister was ready to come out. The nurse insisted I hold her in as the doctor wasn’t near. I hadn’t even seen a doctor yet. Heck, I was just getting settled. A few minutes later, an on-call doctor rushed into the room and out came your sister. She was delivered by the hands of a stranger. I tore even though there was no real reason for it. Looking back, I see it was resisting pushing that caused the extra strain.

I had an epiphany this morning as I dreamed of you becoming a real part of our lives. The doctors treated #1 as preterm. I had an early ultrasound with your sister that dated her as being younger than we thought. I had regular cycles and knew when the exact date of conception. The due date shouldn’t have really been negotiable by that much. But for whatever reason, the ultrasound tech moved the due date back by five days. It was no surprise that I measured ahead the entire pregnancy. And when your sister arrived late in the 36th week, she was treated as a preemie even though she very much came on her own time.

She was healthy but the doctors were scared. I should have stuck up for her but I didn't know I could. I didn't know that as a mom, her rights were up to me before she was even born. I wasn't given the chance to nurse her right away nor do kangaroo care. Her apgars were in healthy range. She had good color though and was breathing just fine. But that’s not how they treated us. With no nourishment, they stripped her down and took her from me for several hours. It was no wonder that she then showed low glucose levels and colder than average temps. Without even giving me a chance to help her, she was whisked away to the NICU.

The experience wasn't what we planned but we got home a few days later and settled into a very comfortable routine. I was lucky that after the separation, she still learned to nurse like a champ. I wore her often. The natural side of me came through and I soon forgot about the emotional pain and what if’s from her delivery. The time came a few years later that we decided to try again. The second time around, I knew I wanted things differently. I had it all planned out. 

And then the egg split.

I know now that this shouldn't have ruined my plans. I had more options but I didn't take them. I didn't know then that I even could take them. Instead I laid in a hospital bed for months on bedrest, was cut open without so much as a try for a vaginal birth. I was ripped away from my family and faced with a threat of endangering my babies at my weakest moment. I was limited in my interactions with my tiny newborns born too early.

In those moments I failed your sisters. Yes, they were born early and I am grateful to the NICU for giving them the extra assistance they needed. Yes, I needed to be off my feet and resting to keep my uterus calm but the constant monitoring just lead to more scares, more internal checks, more irritability, more contractions; it was a vicious and stressful cycle. The c-section was possibly preventable. I know this now. Sister #2 was head down and ready to go. My body could have done it. My doctor didn't trust my body. Since Sister #3 was breech, there’s no way to know what would have happened. I’d like to think she would have happily changed positions and come out head first like nature intended but I know maybe that wouldn't have been the case. 

I wish I would have thought ahead and consulted a doctor who was willing to do a breech extraction. Mine was not. I think I have a good doctor but she likes to play it safe. And while I always leaned towards safe equaling better now I realize there’s a wide variety of “safe.” I was afraid of the idea of having a split delivery with my twins but I never considered the emotional aspect of what would happen after the c-section and after not getting a chance to try.

So baby #4, if there is a you at all, I’m going to do it right this time. I want to know all my options and face all my fears. It won’t be easy. Daddy supports me as well as a wide community of online supporters but the ones closest to us don’t seem to understand. They see you as a risk they don’t think I should take. They think the things I want are kooky. I wish they could read my mind, feel my pain and my emotions, and understand the excitement that you bring to Daddy and I even as just a plan or a thought and not even as a conceived baby yet. 

I often think of you as a rainbow baby. Rainbow babies are created after a loss and most often referred to as a baby after an infant is loss, a stillborn or a late miscarriage of a little one. I didn't lose your sisters. I don’t intend for my pain to take away from that type of pain because I do not know it but I lost part of me during their births, part of me that I’ll physically heal from but emotionally will always be with me. So even though we never thought of having another baby, you were put in our minds and hearts as our rainbow baby.
Midwives like to say that homebirths are 90% excitement and 10% fear. So this is me facing that 10%, going outside of the normal.

Love,

Mommy 

Mommy is an upper twenty something freelance writer and parenting blogger that stays home with her girls in their Midwest home. Her passions are breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering and holistic medicine. She has three beautiful daughters age 4 years and 18 months x 2.

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How to Have a Natural Birth

Recently, I had a conversation with someone about wanting a natural birth and how hard it is to get that without a fight on your hands.  She asked the question, "Why can't you just say 'I don't want the drugs.'?"  It was an interesting question, really.  Why is it so difficult in American obstetrics to have a natural birth?

I think there are many factors here.  Fear is at the top of the list.  Fear of pain, fear of lawsuits, fear of the time commitment.  I think loss of control is also a factor.  We like to control everything.

And as much as we glorify the "superhero," we hate her when it comes to birth.  We want her to fail.  Her natural birth makes me feel bad about my medicated birth.  It's easier to believe that no one can do it than it is to believe I couldn't do it. 

The media is at fault here too, but it's largely because they feed the fear.  I have a mom right now doing Birth Boot Camp online classes that was thinking about transferring to a natural-birth-friendly hospital but it's an hour away.  We get this idea from all the sitcoms that the minute labor begins - or water breaks - the baby is going to fall out.  Women and men are fearful of a birth place that is more than a few minutes away. In reality, they could probably cross state lines with plenty of time to kill!

And then there's the noise factor that I've been talking about for years - the majority of the people at the hospital want you to have the drugs because of the noises you might be making, be it moaning, grunting, or even screaming.  Those noises make people uncomfortable when they are not used to hearing them. Personally, I like to hear the noises a woman is making in labor because you can tell how well she is handling things. Those noises let her support team know what she needs. Who needs a vaginal exam?!  Just listen to her!

In addition to making the laboring woman be quiet, the control is now shifted to the medical staff.  They do not have to wait for your labor to progress.  Like magic, they can force your uterus to contract whenever they want it to with pitocin.  What power!  The laboring woman is powerless at this point.

Frankly, people just don't understand why someone would want an unmedicated birth.  I was that way with my first baby.  I couldn't believe it when people would ask me if I was having the drugs.  Of course I'm having the drugs!  I get it.  I've heard a million different reasons for wanting a drug-free birth over the years, but in the end, a couple has to be willing to do what it takes.

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING A NATURAL BIRTH

1.  Believe that your body and baby will work together.

2.  Choose a care provider very carefully.  They may make or break this experience.  If you have chosen wisely and you do have a cesarean or are encouraged to induce, you will not second guess them EVER.

3.  Take a thorough childbirth class.  As the founder of Birth Boot Camp®, I believe our 10-week curriculum is the best program out there, preparing both partners for an empowering birth experience. If there is not an instructor in your area, take the online course. After you have an amazing birth, become an instructor!

4.  Communicate with your partner.  This is an opportunity to grow closer together.  It's not every day you bring a baby into this world.

5.  Hire a doula.  She will help you achieve a drug-free birth.

6.  Know your options.  If your chosen birth place is not natural-birth-friendly, RUN.  If you take the attitude of  "I'll stay with my OB this time and switch to a midwife next time," they may set you on a path of cesareans that will make it harder next time around.

7.  Practice relaxation on a regular basis.  Eat well.  Stay fit.  If you become high-risk because you eat junk food and have a sedentary lifestyle, your plans for an intervention-free birth may go out the window.

8.  Surround yourself with people that believe in YOU!

9.  Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions and read between the lines with your care provider.  If you feel like you are jumping over red flags, you probably are.  As long as the baby is still inside of you, you have options.  Regardless of what you may have heard, it's never too late to switch care providers.

10. Read positive birth stories.  Read - and believe - affirmations that you can do this.  You are strong and capable.  Embrace this experience.  It is yours and yours alone.

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The Pinch Hitting Husband - Hospital to Homebirth

For some men, the thought of a homebirth is frightening and a little weird.  I know that it was for me.

I didn't want a homebirth. I thought my wife and baby would be safer in a hospital. What if something were to happen?  I've always believed in Murphy's law -- anything that can go wrong will go wrong. (It happened to my Texas Rangers last year in the World Series!)

Besides, everyone goes to a hospital to have a baby, right? You have to be some kind of a new-age nut or hippie-wannabe to birth a baby at home.  Not to mention the mess.  I faint at the sight of blood. Does having a baby at home mean that I'm going to have to mop up after the placenta?

So how did Donna convince me that homebirth was the right choice for us?

We were all set to have our third baby in a hospital in Albuquerque. We had a good group of midwives, and everything was going as planned. Until Donna asked them about videotaping the birth. (We used videotapes in our camcorders back in those days.) The hospital had a no-videotaping policy. This pushed Donna over the edge. She called me at work in tears, yadda, yadda, yadda, we decided to have a homebirth.

My first concern of course was Murphy's law. How could I ever face my in-laws if something were to happen to Donna or the baby?

Our first homebirth midwife was an EMT and had worked as a park ranger at a national park. Her gear bag was reassuring.  It was a cornucopia of medical devices, oxygen, needles, vials, chuck pads, etc. She appeared capable of taking care of any emergency. At the time that was very reassuring.

And that surprised/reassured me why? Because I was ignorant that's why! I had a preconceived notion that a medical doctor was more qualified to deliver a baby. What did I expect a midwife to be?  Some daffy old fruitcake chanting and burning incense -- hoping that the baby makes it out OK somehow?

The truth is that most doctors are great at handling medical issues and not so great at delivering babies naturally. That's what they are trained for, right? As with any profession, you do what you are trained to do.  Natural birth is right in the wheelhouse of the homebirth midwife -- that's what they train and prepare for.

Looking back, having a baby at home was the best experience possible. We didn't have to worry about the drive to the hospital. We didn't have to deal with any cranky hospital personnel poking and prodding all hours of the day and night. We didn't have to deal with hospital regulations, the nursery, and the list goes on. And I never had to deal with any bloody mess whatsoever!

Our fourth and last baby, Darcy was born in our bed. I'll never forget lying down before Donna's labor started.  I could feel Darcy moving around. Donna's labor started shortly after.  The midwife made it to our house right as it was time to push. It was a beautiful birth. After everyone was gone, it was just me, Donna, and Darcy -- this time on the outside. I'll never forget looking at little new born Darcy, eyes wide open, snuggled up next to her momma nursing.

So, my fellow fathers and fathers-to-be, if you have the option to have a homebirth, make like Nike and just do it! You will never regret it. Plus it's a really fun conversation starter at office parties and so forth.

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I Am a Homebirth Advocate and This is Why

This week I received a comment about looking for homebirth blogs, as I seem to be geared towards those planning a hospital birth.  It's true, the last several posts have been geared towards alerting the hospital birthers about certain practices/policies to be aware of.  I certainly don't want to be known as a Bradley birth blogger though!  Statistically, up until this last year, 25% of my students have birthed in the hospital.  Over the last year, it has gradually flip-flopped to 75% are out of the hospital.  This is what happens when a birth center makes your class required for their clients though! 

I have birthed two babies in the hospital and two at home.  I believe that a woman will birth "best" where she is most comfortable -- physically, and more importantly, emotionally.

Over the years, the normal progression for people that take my class has been this:

Baby #1:  Switch from an OB to a CNM, remaining in the hospital (just in case).

Baby #2:  Switch from a CNM to a CPM and birth in a freestanding birth center.

Baby #3:  Birth baby at home with a CPM and wish they had done that from the very beginning!

I decided to go through the homebirth blog posts I have written over the last three years and link to them this week.  Enjoy!

"Why Would You Choose a Homebirth?"

Homebirth vs. Hospital Birth

ACOG vs. Homebirth

The Needs of a Laboring Woman are more Easily Achieved at Home

Types of Midwives

I found so many other posts that were related to homebirth -- dozens when it was mentioned -- but these are probably the ones that homebirth is the main focus.  Still aggravated after all these years that "homebirth" is flagged as not being a word.

Romy's Birth Story from Ceci Jane on Vimeo.

This video of my co-chapter leader for TCBN, Shannon, about sums up the beauty of homebirth. Ceci is another TCBN chapter leader and she did this amazing video. Shannon had an incredible team of women there, all hand-picked. Her husband was incredibly touched by the love and support they received as they welcomed their new baby into their family. It is evident on everyone's face this was a glorious homebirth. I am so lucky to work with such talented people. If you haven't seen this video yet, grab your tissues. Then go read all these homebirth posts I've written over the years!

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Why the Closest Hospital May NOT be the Best Place to Have Your Baby

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was asked a number of times during the pregnancy where I was planning to have my baby.  I thought this was about the dumbest question ever (next to "Are you having the drugs?").  Obviously, I was having my baby at the closest hospital.  I'd seen enough TV shows and movies to know that I would have to get there really fast, so it just made sense to pick the closest one.  It wasn't until I was pregnant with my second baby that I discovered the significance of choosing a hospital wisely -- that maybe distance was not the top priority after all.

When people email me or call me about classes, one of my first questions is "Where are you currently planning to having your baby?"  The word "currently" throws them off, but I want them to know upfront that it's not set in stone.  More than 50% of people that take my class do switch their care provider and/or birth place. 

It seems that most people choose their hospital because that is where their OB delivers.  They've been with him/her for years and just loves him!  They honestly believe that their OB will support their decision to have a natural birth.  This post is not about your OB however, but the hospital.

Fact:  You are more likely to have a c-section in a busy hospital than elsewhere.  Define busy?  Well, the hospital I had Daymon averages 30 babies a day.  I'd call that pretty darn busy.  There's a hospital in the Ft. Worth area that touted more than 5000 babies a year on a billboard.  It is normal to think, Oh good, they do this a lot, so they must be really good at it.  Practice make perfect, right?  If you do the math, that average is almost 14 babies a day.  Doesn't sound so bad after the average of 30 a day I just threw out!  This particular hospital's c-section rate is 35-40% -- straight from the horse's mouth.

But does practice make perfect?  Why would a busy hospital have a higher c-section rate?  Let's face it -- it's like the Olive Garden (I worked there for  4 years and love the OG, so this is not a slam on them!) and you cannot sit at a table all night.  We need your table.  The lobby is filling up and your server needs to make money.  We cannot allow you to take up this table any longer!

And so it is with labor.  They simply will not allow you to occupy a room longer than a day.  At 24 hours, or very close to it, your time is up.  The OB can make up a million reasons why you need a c-section (fetal distress, baby too big, water broken for 24 hours, failure to progress, maternal exhaustion, the list goes on and on), but ultimately, your time is up.  You failed to progress on our time frame.

If you've seen Born In The USA, a PBS documentary, you've witnessed the scene where the residents are sitting around a conference room discussing a particular labor where the woman had a c-section because her time limit was up on pushing (my words, not theirs).  Part of that dialogue includes an OB explaining that it goes against their very nature to not do anything in the hospitals.  She explained that in the hospital, nurses and doctors are constantly monitoring and assessing, monitoring and assessing. They will not just sit around and wait on your labor.  You expect a baby out of this, and darn it, we will be the ones to do that for you!

So, we have imposed time limits.  Next, we simply have hospital policies.  Things such as:  continuous electronic fetal monitoring (EFM), routine vaginal exams (usually every 2-4 hours), no walking after water breaks (which you're not doing anyway if you have EFM), and a routine IV.  I talk about all of these things at length in class, so I don't want to spoil all the fun here.  Suffice to say, none of these things are good for your labor.  You are more likely to have a c-section when these policies are in place.  These are red flags!  Run!  The local hospitals that have these policies have 60% c-section rates.  Ultimately, your baby is left to figure labor and birth out on his own.  You will not be moving around, changing positions, rotating hips, or using gravity to assist the baby on his way down and out.  Labor is harder for mom and baby under these conditions.

Another red flag along the lines of policies are no VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).  Over 800 US hospitals banned VBACs in the last decade.  ACOGs recent statement said that women should be given a "trial of labor" -- don't get me started! -- but I haven't seen any change as of yet.  A hospital who does VBACs is hopefully following evidence-based maternity care in other areas as well (allowing women to eat and drink in labor, intermittent fetal monitoring, hep-lock instead of IV, and no routine vaginal exams).

Honestly, I believe you are more likely to find this type of care with a midwife than an OB.  The vast majority of OBs simply are not trained in normality.  They are trained in the management of labor and birth.  And make no mistake -- they will manage your birth.  If your hospital does not even have midwives, this is also another red flag.  Midwives bring a different attitude and philosophy of birth to a hospital.  As long as the staff is open and willing to listen to the evidence, midwives can make a huge impact.  If the doctors won't listen to the midwives and let them be midwives, again, run. 

Birth is very political.  I was speaking with a CNM the other day about this topic.  She's only been out of school for about a year.  She said they didn't talk about how political things are in birth while she was in school and she's been shocked by it since working in the field.  It's like I always say, as long as the baby is still inside, you have options. I've had a handful of women change their plans in the middle of labor!  Don't let your birth be a political battlefield.  Fighting with the staff is not an option.  This also is not good for mom or baby and is not how anyone should remember their labor.

No matter how scary you think it may be, changing care providers or hospitals (or even switching to a home birth!) can be the difference between a c-section and a vaginal birth.  If you have an outcome you are not happy with, you will always wonder what would have happened if you had switched to a better birth place.  Like Tim sings, "There's no such thing as what might have been, That's a waste of time, drive you outta' your mind."  (Had to sneak him in there!)

You might have to drive a titch further, but in the long run, you'll only give birth to this baby one time.  Regret is a yucky thing, especially when you had the red flags laid out before you and you chose to tie your blindfold on and hope for the best.  Don't be a victim of bad hospital policies!

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An Oldie But Goodie: Sarah's Amazing VBAC

I have contemplated how I want to present this for weeks. Sarah herself joked about how much she had to say to about her very fast labor! In the end, I've decided, who am I to edit this amazing woman's birth story? I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and I think you will too.

Why is this VBAC so special? I have chills as I write that question. About a year ago, I posted a picture of Sarah right after her c-section that took place 2 years ago. Without going through all the details, it was a nightmare. They had taken my class by DVD, and while I had met with Sarah a number of times, I had never met her husband, Kip, until that day on the phone. We spoke for about 30 minutes and it broke my heart. I could feel the love that he has for Sarah, and he had felt so helpless as their birth spiraled out of control, ending in a c-section. If you would like to read what she wrote about her previous experience, you can find it at the previous post titled "Ah, the Glorious C-Section."



Sarah and Kip, like so many couples, struggled with depression over the event and went through an intense healing process. Breastfeeding was such a struggle with the first baby, and when Sarah started the baby on formula, she went through tremendous guilt and more depression. Kip wasn't sure he ever wanted to go through this again, but Sarah knew her body could do this. When she found herself pregnant again, she hired a midwife at Gentle Beginnings Birth Center and planned for an out-of-hospital birth.

I love the look on Sarah's face and I have no doubt that she was saying a silent prayer of thank- fulness, healing, and amazing power. What a strong woman. Enjoy her story in her own words:


Jackson’s birth story
Born 8/29, 9 days past EDD by VBAC waterbirth

“I love you Lord,
And I lift my voice,
To worship you,
Oh my soul, rejoice.

Take joy my king,
In what you hear,
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In your ears.”

This was my song during labor… it helped me to survive the hardest 4 ½ hours of my life! Compared to my first labor and eventual c-section w/ Kate, this was short and 100 miles an hour – less to tell (so why is it so long!) 9 days past EDD, my mantra of “Be still and know that I am God,” from Psalm 46 was starting to waver and I was starting to be anxious. After speaking w/ my midwife and starting Master Gland on 8/28, I went to bed grouchy w/ no contractions. My husband & his parents went to a high school football game & I stayed home w/ Kate.

I woke up at 4:30am and felt terrible, but assumed it was food related again since I had developed a sensitive tummy around 38 weeks to many different foods. By 5am I was starting to believe I was in labor, but not worried. I wasn’t experiencing contractions as I had expected them to feel, but still believed that things were starting to warm-up. (I never went into natural labor w/ Kate, but was induced due to high BP at 41 weeks.) I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I made myself a big bowl of rice krispies & strawberries since it was easy & sat down to relax & catch up on facebook and emails. I also found an online contraction timer, but the contractions I was experiencing were irregular and all over the place & impossible to chart well. I felt frustrated, and unsure if I was really in labor of wondering if something might just be wrong.

By 5:30am, I really needed to focus much more on my contractions instead of my computer work and started to feel much more uncomfortable. I so badly wanted to wake up Kip and call my doula, Camron, but decided that I should wait until 6am to wake them. It was a Saturday morning, and I figured that 6am was a ‘reasonable’ time to be awakened compared to 5:30. I also figured that since my last birth was more that 30 hours, they would probably need all the sleep they could get since I was sure I was going to have another marathon labor. By 6am I woke up Kip, and my contractions were getting painful at this time, to the point that it was difficult to talk. I remember specifically saying, “You need to get up, and you need to eat some breakfast. Like, right now.” I called Camron, and told her that I thought I was in labor, but that things were inconsistent. She told me she’d get ready and come over, and ordered me into the shower.

In the shower, though the pain was relieved due to the hot water, I could still feel the intensity building. “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45. Suddenly in the shower my heart was just swelling with a praise song (lyrics above) and I remember leaning on the wall of our shower and sort of muttering this praise song. Hadn’t heard it in a long time, and not one of my favorites or anything but it appeared on my tongue and I lifted it up to the Lord! I felt calmer instantly. Kip called Camron to tell her that I was getting serious, and that she should probably hurry.

I told Kip that he needed to call his mother to come get Kate. His response was “Aren’t we going to drop her off on the way to the birth center?” I quickly said ‘No way!!” to having enough time to do that because of the intensity of my contractions and his mother headed our way. At this point, Kate woke up which was really hard for me. She’s very sensitive to my physical feelings and I didn’t want to show her I was in pain. (She was 21 months old at the time.) I labored on my yoga ball on my hands and knees until Kate was picked up.

At this point, Kip and I began to argue and bicker. I still wasn’t positive that I was in labor, which in retrospect is just silly. I was experiencing strong contractions that I couldn’t speak through, and my train of thought was all over the place and I wasn’t making sense of finishing thoughts & sentences. Kip kept asking me questions, and my answers were mostly “I don’t know.” In hindsight, this should have clued him into the fact that I was really in labor and focused inwardly, unable to carry on a good conversation. Instead, it just really frustrated him because he thought I wasn’t communicating my needs well to him. Oh well – now we know better for next time!

Camron arrived at 7:35 to see me laboring on the side of the bed, w/ my contractions 2-4 minutes apart. She wasn’t sure what was going on w/ my irregular contractions; they were all over the place, and only lasting about 30-45 seconds, and a few minutes apart but super intense and I wasn’t able to speak during them. Camron started to think I was farther along than we had originally thought, and asked me to go to the bathroom and asked Kip to help me to try & relax. Relaxing and peeing was totally out of the question – I felt like I had to pee so badly but just couldn’t relax and this was really starting to bother me. At 8am I had a 1 minute 45 second contraction and Camron asked if I was pushing and I told her ‘no’, but in retrospect I think I might have been ‘trying’ and didn’t know it yet. At 8:02 Camron called our midwife Ann and they decided it was time to head to the birth center so we started collecting our things.

At 8:09 it was DEFINITELY time to go to the birth center, the waves of contractions were short and hard, almost angry feeling. I remember crying from the pain, thinking that I couldn’t be that far along and that if I was feeling so much pain how could I make it another 30 hours like my last labor? Camron and Kip just kept reassuring me, and she gave me a pad to wear in case my water broke in the car. The walk to our car was absolutely the longest and hardest walk of my life, and looking back at it I now absolutely see the benefit of homebirth and never having to leave your sanctuary when you are at that point in labor! By 8:15am we were standing outside, leaning on the car until the contraction was over to leave and I yelled at the 2 of them “JUST GO!” in the middle of the contraction. I knew it didn’t matter how bad it felt, we had to get moving before this baby came.

At 8:30am Kip picked up the speed and we hit 90mph down 820 towards the birth center. Praise God that the cops weren’t around! I remember telling Kip that either my water had just broken or that I had finally gone pee. (It was my water breaking, thanks for the help Camron – you saved our car!) I kind of went to another place mentally in the car – I had no concept of time or distance other than it was taking too long for my liking. I had one hand down on the middle console pushing my bottom up and the other hand pulling my whole body up from the handle bar attached in the ceiling. Kip asked me if I was pushing and I kept telling him that I didn’t think so, that I was trying not to, but I really had to go to the bathroom. Piece of advice – transition in the car stinks, so try to avoid it!!

At 8:48am we pulled up to the birth center, and Ann and Marsha (my midwife & her assistant) met me at my car door and unbuckled my seatbelt for me. They lovingly and swiftly escorted me into the back bedroom to check me. I remember walking past the sign they had put up front, “Ssshhh! Mother in labor.” I thought, “wow! That’s for me!” When we got there I was calm and seriously working hard, feeling like I was going to lose control soon. I told Ann I needed to push or go to the bathroom. She checked me and said, “Honey, you feel like you need to push because you are complete and +1, and this baby is ready to come! If you want to do this in the tub you need to go there NOW, or we can just do this right here on the bed!” I remember Kip asking if I had heard her, and hearing how encouraged he was at her words. Everyone suggested I get in the tub if I felt like it, and I really wanted some pain relief if possible. As I walked to the birth tub, I remember seeing the copy of my scriptures for labor laying on the table. I remember feeling so relieved that someone else had seen them, that the midwives and looked at them and prayed for me even before my arrival! I had a suitcase full of gear for labor and scriptures with lots of good intentions but my labor was going too fast to use any of it!

I walked to the bathtub and stopped to push really hard for the first time on the side of the tub. Then I got in, and pushed while sitting on my hands and knees. I remembered Donna (my birth instructor) suggesting this position in labor, and once I got into it I felt like I couldn’t get out! It just felt right, and even though I felt like I had a little less control since I couldn’t see what was going on I fully trusted my birth team who were literally right behind me! I remember Ann praying for me, Marsha coaching me, Camron keeping my hair out of my face, and Kip right above my head whispering encouraging words as I pushed. As I was pushing, Lynsey (the best birth photographer!) showed up just in time to capture Jackson’s arrival. He was born at 9:15am, less than 30 minutes after our arrival! Praise God! My midwives had to use suction to get some of the meconium-stained fluid out of his mouth but then I turned around in the water and took my baby boy! They gave him to me, and he was quiet for just a moment and then cried out to let us hear his voice. It was so wonderful to relax in the birth tub with him and hold him in my arms while the midwives helped me to deliver the placenta. Kip got to cut the cord. I remember being in total shock and disbelief about what I had just done. Only 4 hours before I wasn’t even sure I was in labor!

We got out of the tub for the midwives to check us over (no tearing!) & clean up the tub, and then we got back in for our herbal bath, which was just amazing and so relaxing. Jackson was quiet, opened his eyes so wide for us, and sucked his thumb sweetly in our candlelit bath. Ann told me that thumbsuckers are sweet babies and she was sooo right! Kip helped me to clean the little bit of vernix that he had in his hair, and we went back to the bedroom where we had breakfast in bed and I nursed him. Kip’s parents brought Kate down to meet her little brother, and Lynsey captured their first meeting in a sweet photograph. My birth team kept asking us if Kip and I wanted privacy w/ our new baby but I didn’t! I was so happy and proud that we had accomplished our vbac, and I felt SO GOOD that I was glad to be in the presence of everyone that had helped us to get there! I remember laughing quite a few times after he was born, knowing that I had been surrounded by successful VBAC’ers (Lynsey & Camron) and that I had just pushed my baby out! They took Jackson’s measurements, 10 lbs, 11 oz’s and 21 ½ inches long! I remember laughing at the look in Kip’s eyes when he held up the scale to weigh him – you could tell he was thinking “Am I reading this thing right?!”

It was so strange, just 3 ½ hours after his birth, being gently escorted by my midwives back to my vehicle. Hadn’t they just taken my seatbelt off?? Was I really done and going home with my baby? It just didn’t seem real! I can’t begin to describe how great I felt after his birth – physically, emotionally, spiritually. I’ve never felt so ALIVE as I did that afternoon (and hungry, too!)

The differences between my 2 birth experiences are night and day, especially in the care that we received as a family. Within 48 hours of Jackson being born, we had house calls from our midwife, our chiropractor, and our lactation consultant. I really had a team of people surrounding me with Christ’s love and support, helping me to figure out the ‘new mom thing’ with Jackson. The care that we received from these women was a true testimony to the rest of our family as to the reason we made our birth choices to a family that hadn’t been too confident in our choices to use a midwife & birth center.

Physically, recovery is so different w/ a VBAC than with a c-section. Ann warned me and was correct, you feel SO GOOD compared to your c-section that you have to be really careful not to overdo it & exhaust yourself. Breastfeeding has been so successful with Jackson, and I haven’t struggled with feeling blue like I did after my c-section. Jackson is a sweet-natured baby who slept so much during the first day or 2 that I worried about him! His gentle beginning has surely affected his temperament in a very agreeable way. Kate just turned 2 this week, and she is a firecracker that lights up our life with her vivacious spirit. She came into this world with a bang and is a spitfire for sure, and I look forward to see how Jackson’s personality develops and to see if his labor and birth experience shape his character. I can’t even begin to describe the healing that has taken place since my vbac, and I now feel so alive and encouraged about our family and look forward eagerly to see if God blesses our quiver with more arrows!

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Appropriate Use of Intervention & Medication for Labor

By now, you know that I believe that fear is NOT a reason to have an epidural. The lack of education and preparation are the reasons, I believe, that the majority of American women choose to have pain medications in labor. This is also why women are choosing to have a C-section, never experiencing a single contraction -- fear.

You might be shocked to know that I believe that there are appropriate times for intervention and/or medication. I'd like to share such an experience one of my "DVD couples" had this past week. It's been several days since I spoke with her and I've had a birthday party for my 3rd child, a baptism, company, and Easter, all take place since our conversation. Some of the details are fuzzy, but you'll understand my point without all the details.

They were planning a homebirth and this was their first baby. Labor started on its own, as it should, and she labored for a number of hours with contractions about five minutes apart. They spaced out to 10,15, 20 minutes apart after a time. It would pick back up though and continue for hours at five minutes apart again. Several hours into the labor, she had an appointment with her midwife. She had a vaginal exam and found that her water had broken -- probably in the bathtub because she wasn't aware of that happening -- and was told she was 100% effaced and dilated 3 cm.

She continued laboring at home throughout the day. Her midwife checked in on her that evening and still, she was dilated to a three. This is where my memory fails me. I do not remember at what point they decided to go to the hospital, and really, it doesn't matter. She was near the 24-hour mark of water breaking, but everyone was doing fine. Her cervix just was not dilating. When she arrived at the hospital, they did start her on pitocin, but not terribly high. They also started her on antibiotics as a precautionary measure because of the ruptured membranes. It should be noted, there was no sign of infection. She labored this way for 4 hours and still did not dilate past a three.

I just knew this story was going to end with surgery. The doctor, who was the back-up doctor for the LM, suggested at this point that they increase the pitocin and she have an epidural. She had only slept a few hours during the labor and was exhausted. This was a hard decision for her -- I could hear it in her voice when she told me that she consented to the epidural -- but she made the right decision.

She slept during the next few hours while the pitocin took over. The next time she was checked, she had good news! Her cervix was dilating! She labored the last hour without pitocin or the epidural and pushed her baby out on her own.

Had she not listened to her medical team, who, I must add, was giving good advice, she would have had a C-section. Yes, she did not have the quiet, undisturbed homebirth she had planned for, and there will be some emotions there to deal with. But she avoided surgery. Why did this happen to her? Who knows. Maybe it was about the baby's position. Maybe she couldn't relax enough. Maybe she was apprehensive about giving birth at home, even subconsciously. She may never know. But she will, I believe, be able to have a peace about her birth. She used intervention and medication, not because she was afraid of the process, but because she needed that assistance.

I have another example from another DVD couple last fall. This was to be another out-of-hospital birth, but she went almost 3 weeks over her "due date." Her biophysical profile, etc., had been good, up until this point. Her midwife had become concerned, if I remember correctly, with fluid levels and thought she should go ahead and be induced at the hospital. She had a great back-up doctor. This mom was induced and labored without an epidural for many hours. She remained dialated to a nine for several hours when the cervix started to swell. This is not a good thing. They recommended an epidural so she could relax and sleep. It worked. She had a vaginal birth.

Sometimes, we (okay, I) focus so much on the "evils" of medicated birth, we loose sight that it can sometimes help avoid surgery. I would absolutely rather see a mom have a medicated birth than a C-section. These were good doctors who wanted the same thing for these moms. They respected their wishes and were anxious to help them achieve this goal. Many doctors would have just done a C-section on both of these women.

I can honestly say that I don't know what could have been done differently to avoid having medication or intervention in either of these labors. Had they not been planning out-of-hospital births to begin with, they likely would have ended up with c-sections earlier on. I do believe that planning homebirths, even though they both transported, were contributing factors to still having vaginal births.

Both of these women were educated and prepared. It reminds me of something our midwife with our 3rd baby told us: "Birth is 90% in your head and 10% what happens to you."

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If I Were an Insurance Company, I Would NEVER Pay For an Elective C-section

If I were an insurance company, I would not allow women to choose to have a C-section for no medical reason.  It would cost me twice as much money as a vaginal birth.  I would, however, be happy to pay for out-of-hospital births, as it costs me a fraction of the money a hospital birth does.

Oh wait, the only people I actually listen to, as an insurance company, is doctors and hospitals, who have a financial interests in these policies.  This is not about evidence-based care.  It's about putting the doctor on a pedestal and ignoring the midwife.  The doctors are thrilled to allow a woman to selfishly choose to have a C-section because it fits nicely into the doctor's schedule, and, oh yeah, cha-ching, it's twice as much money!  The doctors have done a great job of convincing me, the insurance company, how dangerous, reckless, and incompetent a midwife, especially a CPM or LM, is -- the smear campaign rages on against midwives.  

How can I, as an insurance company, in good judgement, take the advice of people who stand to gain financially by their recommendations?  The majority of doctors are trained to believe that birth is dangerous and needs to be managed.  The only place this can be done is in the hospital. They are convincing the insurance companies that homebirth is unsafe and women who choose to do this are placing their babies lives at risk.  (But let's go ahead and make abortion legal and accepted.)  Birth is safe for mothers and babies, as most midwives know and believe, because they see it and live it, day in and day out.

I have had a number of students who have wanted to have their baby at home or at a free-standing birthing center, only to be told that, no, they may only give birth in the hospital.  They have a choice of several doctors but only one or two midwives.  But if I am an insurance company, and I am in this for money, why am I ignoring a viable option -- homebirth?  Why, from a financial standpoint, am I covering a woman to have surgery to remove her baby because she is too scared to go through labor and give birth vaginally?  (I am not even going to address the moral and physical reasons why this woman is an idiot.)  I am paying thousands of dollars for a procedure that in 100% unnecessary.  The irony is so thick, it makes me sick.  And women who want to spend a fraction of what they would be allowed to spend if in the hospital are denied that option?  Unbelievable.  

When will the insurance companies begin to listen to midwives and to informed consumers who want to birth their babies at home?  We have to speak up to be heard.  Insist on options from your insurance companies.  They have to provide you with options.  I actually had my first homebirth reimbursed by our insurance company because they failed to give me all the information when I insisted that I needed options.  They could not make me give birth at that one hospital.  There was another hospital they were contracted with, but I was not given that information until the baby was 5 weeks old.  After 3 appeals, I had a hearing where we all sat around a big conference table listening to the recording of the phone conversation where I was told that I had no options.  Needless to say, we were fully reimbursed for our entire homebirth. But we didn't know that would happen at  the time we hired our midwife and we still made the choice to pay, out-of-pocket $2500, instead of our $100 co-pay at the hospital.  

I am not a fan of going into debt, but I do believe that sometimes we have to take our healthcare into our own hands and not leave it to the insurance to make all our choices for us. Fight for your right to birth your baby where you see fit.  Maybe, just maybe, we'll be heard. It's more important now than ever, as the AMA is on a campaign to make it impossible for homebirth midwives to practice.   If a woman wants a homebirth, she would have to illegally hire a midwife to attend her birth.  This is wrong.  Women deserve this choice in childbirth. They can legally kill their babies through abortion and choose to have them surgically removed from their bodies, but they can't lovingly and fearlessly birth their babies in their own homes and beds with midwives who believe in the natural process of birth.  

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9 Months of Preparing -- A Last Minute Change in Plans

I was joking in the last post about having another homebirth from this class, but low-and-behold, Rachel and Andrew decided in the middle of labor to have a homebirth. Let me back up a bit:

According to her LMP, Rachel's due date was Feb. 18. Her ultrasound said a week later. I always tell everyone, and you've heard it here before, to fight for the latest date possible because it literally buys you more time. The midwifery group she was to birth with at the hospital would not allow her to go more than 10 days. They wanted to induce her yesterday, a Friday, even though that was day 9, but more convenient for them. She refused, insisting that she was taking every day she had been told she had. Good thing she did...

She had been contracting all week long, thinking it was the "real thing", several times. I see this a lot, where the mom finds it hard to believe it when she is actually in real labor. They tend to become obsessed with not doing things that will possibly stop labor. And so it goes...

Their doula, Hannah, was nervous for them to be induced, so she went to their house Friday afternoon and worked with Rachel on several different positions to help bring the baby down into a more favorable position. She also applied several acupuncture and pressure points which really got things going, to the point that the contractions were consistent and not stopping. Really, if the nurses could/would do this at the hospital, there would be no "need" for pitocin!

About 5:00 in the afternoon, Rachel started mentioning the homebirth midwives and by 7:30, they were at their house. Her cervix was almost 100% effaced and she was dilated to a 4 or 5. They announced that a baby would likely be born that night, and they were correct! Eventually, there were 2 midwives, 3 apprentices, and their doula in their home. Rachel said that the more people that showed up, the more confident she felt. It is so important for a laboring woman to have other supportive women around her -- women who believe in her abilities to birth her baby.

Their baby girl was born in their bathroom at 11:47 p.m. Baby weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces, and was 21 inches long. Baby did have to be resuscitated with oxygen and even CPR, but she is doing fine. According to Hannah, the midwives were incredibly calm and never appeared to not know what to do. The reason I include this in this story is simple: this would have happened no matter where their baby was born, including the hospital. But it would have been handled entirely different. The baby would have been rushed to the NICU, where she likely would be kept for many hours, maybe even days, for monitoring, meanwhile, racking up a huge bill. Breastfeeding and bonding would have been drastically affected. Rachel and Andrew knew the midwives knew what they were doing and had absolute confidence in them. In fact, when I talked to them this morning, this was a very minor part of their story. I got more of the details when I talked to Hannah, who found those moments a little more intense than the new parents. I thought that was interesting. Fear was not present at their birth. Baby has a strong suck and is breastfeeding well. Everyone is happy.

Rachel said this entire week she kept thinking, "As long as the baby is still inside me, I have choices." She is a true example of this statement I am always making. I am so proud of them for taking control of their birth experience and making it their own. She really listened to her body, not just in pregnancy, but in labor. She was not reckless in her decision making. She was educated and fought for the birth she wanted. In the end, she knew the hospital was not where she wanted to give birth. And she did something about it! This took a lot of courage -- hats off to Rachel and Andrew. You have set a wonderful example of being educated, prepared, and willing to do what it takes to have the birth you want.

There have now been 4 homebirths from this class -- unheard of! I like to think that I have instilled the safety of birth, and homebirth, in my couples. The fact that I have birthed with an epidural in my spine with a C-section-happy doctor, and then with a CNM in a hospital, followed by 2 homebirths, my experience with birth is vast. I believe home to be a better place to have a baby. I am truly happy these couples have all chosen homebirth -- even Nancy and Frank, who did not choose it, but it certainly chose them!

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Home Birth vs. Hospital Birth

One of my students had a wonderful homebirth today.

I know their doula, Hannah, that attended their birth and I spoke with her this morning. She was on such a "birth high." She actually works for an adoption agency attending births with the birth mothers. As you can imagine, nearly all these women want the drugs. Hannah really believes in natural birth though. She offered her services for free (I can only picture Adam Sandler in "Bedtime Stories" when I say "for free") to 3 couples in my current class, hoping to get more experience with natural birth.

What a great birth to be at! Hannah had a hard time explaining how different the homebirth felt in comparison to the medicated hospital births she has attended. It really is a spiritual experience to birth your baby in the privacy and intimacy of your own home. To welcome this new person into your family. Not to be separated. I truly wish all women trusted themselves to birth their babies in this way. You have no idea what you are missing unless you have attended or birthed your babies at home.

I have another couple right now wrestling with their insurance over this issue. They are halfway through my classes on DVD and have been asking their doctor a lot of questions, mainly about fetal monitoring and skin-to-skin contact with the baby after the birth. While his answers were actually decent, he said his hands were tied due to hospital policy.

It is a tough thing to change your birth plans at 33 weeks, but I am so proud of couples that understand the significance of that move. It is taking your healthcare into your own hands. Birth is a life experience, not a medical event. Midwives generally acknowledge this with sensitivity, but doctors/surgeons rarely do. Their focus is solely on getting the baby out, no matter what the method.

This couple is doing their best to get covered to see a midwife, preferably in an out-of-hospital birthing center, but I don't know if their insurance will cover that. (Another topic for another day.)

If you have experienced the differences in hospital birth and homebirth, please feel free to put your experience in words.

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The Needs of a Laboring Woman Are More Easily Achieved at Home

A woman is labor has specific needs. These include darkness, solitude, quiet, abdominal breathing, physical relaxation, the right to move around in different positions as she needs to, and support and encouragement from those around her. These are not in any particular order.

In "Orgasmic Birth", midwife Ina May Gaskin talked about how birth used to take place in a woman's bed, likely the same place the baby was conceived. When birth moved from the woman's bed to the hospital, everyone pretended that there was no sexual nature to birth. When a woman feels free to make laboring sounds, she sounds like she's having (great) sex. This makes people uncomfortable. The drugs used in childbirth take care of this "problem".

Some women are, what I call, silent birthers. Some are not. It really doesn't matter which category she falls into. What does matter is that women feel free to do whatever they need to during their labor and birth. Often, a woman who is vocal during labor is perceived as not handling labor well. This is not at all true. Deep, abdominal breathing and sounding it out as she exhales, is very beneficial for mom and baby. Baby is getting good oxygen and mom's vocal cords remain open and loose. It's very hard to tense up when she's breathing and sounding out her contractions in a low relaxed voice. I have a friend whose husband had kidney stones a few years ago. He found himself using some of the Bradley techniques they'd learned with the birth of one of their children. He said that he definitely learned that the low, controlled sounds were much more soothing and relaxing than the high-pitched sounds that created tension.

A woman no more wants to be watched in labor than she does when she's having sex. I'll return to a comment from Ina May (gotta love her!) that we have "shy sphincters". It's no wonder women are diagnosed with "failure to progress" so often. A woman really needs to be left alone to labor. It cannot be rushed. Adrenalin is the opposite hormone from what a woman needs to release in labor, which is oxytocin. If an animal is laboring, she will go off by herself, to her home where she feels safe and knows her surroundings well. If she suddenly feels threatened by a predator (in this case the doctor threatening a c-section), adrenalin kicks in and labor will stop. It will only resume once she feels safe again. In a hospital, this opportunity usually does not present itself again, as the baby was most likely surgically removed from its mother's body. Bottom line -- a woman needs to labor where she is comfortable and not rushed or watched.

Bright lights are not conducive to relaxation. Imagine if you dimmed the lights right now in your room. Wouldn't you automatically feel more relaxed and private? Bright hospital lights are often the first thing a new baby sees after its birth -- not very relaxing to the baby either.

A woman in labor is "in labor la-la land" when she doesn't have drugs in her body. She is listening to her body and focusing on controlled breathing, relaxing, imagining the baby coming down and her cervix opening up. When people are talking in the room, it is extremely distracting to most women. The fewer people in the room, often the better. But in the hospital, a woman has little or no control over who is in the room at her birth. At home, she has total control over this and will usually put a lot of thought into exactly who she would like to attend her birth. She is very comfortable with this group of people.

I have written quite a bit about EFM, or Electronic Fetal Monitoring, on this blog, but it must be mentioned here again. A woman must move around in labor. Not just for her labor to progress, but to help her baby out. When the uterus contracts, it tips forward. When a woman is laboring on her back in a hospital bed, it hurts. When you are chained to the bed by the EFM, you cannot move. This is bad for your labor and bad for your baby. This is not good medicine. It is a legal issue. End of story. When a woman labors and births at home, this is not a concern. Her midwife will monitor the baby at least once an hour, which evidence has proven to be adequate. A baby truly in distress will be picked up.

Birth is a natural process. When I say this, everyone agrees. But I think that there are very few people who believe in the natural process of birth and trust it. Women are missing out on this wonderful experience because they are afraid. They are not bonding with their babies as they should. They are not breastfeeding as often or as long as they should. What is wrong with us?

I hope this has been helpful to those who think that it is irresponsible to birth at home. When you understand the needs of a laboring woman, you can start to understand how the hospital is not set up to cater to these needs. If a woman wants to have a truly natural birth, free of interventions, the only place she can do that in America, is in her own home, in her own bed.

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"Why Would You Choose a Homebirth?"

I have a friend I went to college with that I have recently reconnected with through Facebook. He and his wife are pregnant with their 3rd baby. I told him about our last two babies being born at home and I just wanted to share some of our dialogue:

"Let me ask you - and this is for my education only - but if you could have your babies at a hospital, with all the necessary staff and equipment standing by should anything bad happen, why wouldn't you? Seriously, just curious."

I wrote back:

"Good question. After teaching for almost 6 years and reading dozens of books on childbirth, I believe that what makes birth dangerous is all the interventions and drugs. When you know how your body works, along with the baby, in labor and birth, even a single intervention can interfere with that delicate process. I am also convinced that what makes birth "dangerous" is all the media and junk that we believe about it. ER has really done a number on our perceptions! Birth is a normal, healthy process that a woman doesn't need to be "delivered" or rescued from. We had midwives attend 3 out of 4 of our births, and they do have "necessary equipment" on hand. I just don't believe that birth is an emergency waiting to happen.

You and your wife should rent (Netflix) "The Business of Being Born" before you have this baby. You will find it fascinating. There have been lots of birth movies released this last year, but I think this is still my favorite one. Enjoy!"

I have found something interesting over the years: Women love to share their (mostly) horrific birth stories with other women, usually at those wonderful baby showers. Almost like they are trying to out do one another! About 3 years ago, I was at a dinner with several women, none of which I knew very well. One was pregnant and was commenting, "Why is it that everyone wants to tell you their worst birth story when you are pregnant?!" She was laughing about it and I told her that I could tell her story after story of wonderful birth stories, but they don't involve medication and intervention. The entire table got quiet. Not because they were dying to hear these moving stories, but because of the awkwardness. It was one of those "baby shower" moments for me.

Let's face it: We love the drama. Normal, unmedicated birth lacks drama. It's a lot of things, but "dramatic" typically isn't one of them. I've probably told hundreds of people over the years that I have my babies at home. I have found something so fascinating about that: They don't ask for details. Wouldn't you think that people would ask, "Wow, what was that like?" They don't.

People want to think that they need the hospital and all the "necessary equipment." It validates their birth choices. Plus, they just spent a lot of money on this birth in the hospital. They need to believe that all the interventions were necessary in order for their baby to be born. It's hard to accept that it would have just happened naturally without all the "professionals" helping to remove the baby from it's mother's body. I spent $2500 on both of our homebirths. (Yes, that includes pre-natal, birth, and postpartum.)

I have been called irresponsible a time or two. When you give birth in a hospital, choices are made for you. Your opinion is often not even asked for. (Ex: Do you know why your baby was given the eye drops? Probably not, it was just done.) When you give birth at home, you are making decisions about every thing that happens there, even what to do with the placenta. You have to be educated. I had to accept much more responsibility in my homebirths than my hospital births.

I have also been told on occasion, things like, "My baby would have died if I would have had him at home" or "I would have died if I had tried that." Again, however, as I've stated before, most of the time, the reason for those complications, usually trace back to the interventions or the drugs. Their births likely were safe until they started intervening with the natural process. That is what makes birth dangerous.

I absolutely believe that home is more safe than a hospital to birth your baby. The hospital staff just cannot seem to leave things alone. Even if you are not having drugs, you are having vaginal exams, (usually) excessive fetal monitoring, often an IV, and ultimately you have a bunch of clock watchers. This leads to problems, such as the use of forceps or vacuum extraction of the baby or a C-section.

It is important to note that in order to give birth at home, you must meet certain "criteria" and be low risk, as more than 90% of women are. There are so many competent, compassionate, wonderful midwives out there. Interview them. Find out how wonderful your birth can be. For the umpteenth time: Trust your body. It grew the baby, it will birth the baby. As one of our midwives said, "Birth is 90% in your head and 10% what happens to you." I believe this.

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