I write this for it has been on my heart to mull out the way that I WANT to be, a way that I CHOOSE to be, a way that I HAVE been (at times). And to teach the kind of respect that is no longer considered important in our society. I have a heart to teach that which I have learnt, through experience, through trials, through heartbreak and mistakes.
I believe that a woman can build or break a home. I believe that a man can do also. But as we do not have the ability to 'control' what a man does and does not do we can certainly play our own part in the game of life. Therefore I CHOOSE, freely, to serve my household, and to serve my husband to the best of my ability at any given time.
I do not believe that the divorced woman was the sole cause of their breakup, nor do I believe that the chaotic household is caused by the woman alone. If you are married then chances are a man is also involved. If you have broken up chances are there is a man involved. I do not believe that the divorced woman COULD have prevented a breakup if she followed this list. Who knows why and who knows how it could have been prevented. I am certainly in no position to pass judgement or opinions on such matters and quite frankly I don't. .
I come from the side of a Christian Married Stay-at-Home Homeschooling Mum. I have NO idea how these things could or would related to a full time working mum, or to the single parent (guess it wouldn't?) because simply put I have not walked that road... ever... So please, I beg of you, to not FEEL judged or condemned or criticised for being 'different', believing 'different', doing 'different'. If you glean just ONE point from this (and other) posts then yay for you and I am glad that my suffering has come to the good of another.
Often enough I fail, ask my husband, He probably won't tell you but he knows it is true, he's told me so. Often enough I succeed, but I don't always have that recognition, or I simply don't notice it. In our house hold, when 'household' run smoothly, the littlest of effort is felt throughout the entire family.
I do not believe that this 'list' of things we can do means all issues will be solved, all conflicts resoluted, all (negative) behaviours deminished within the marital relationship. But I DO believe that these things CAN show to our husbands that yes I do respect you, yes I do appreciate how you sacrifice in providing for our family and yes I will help you in the areas in which I am ABLE. I believe that these are important to a man. Simply put it is just ONE part of being a wife, which overflows over to being a mother.
I believe the first best relationship in the home environment is with God, the Creator of all. I believe that the next best relationship is between the husband and wife (or parents). Followed by the children. After that I believe it is our extended family, friends, and community.
For me it means the short period of time that Michael is home is spent (generally) in a deeper, quieter kind of quality time with the children and also with myself. Rather than fluffing around doing 'work' and 'jobs'. It also means that the children are learning that the Papa is an important part of our family and that we need to serve him where we are able to the benefit of all of us. First hand practical experience in serving one another and submitting under leadership. We learn to submit under leadership at school (teacher/student), in our society (government laws), at work (boss/worker), etc.
As simple as it may be for one child to assist in packing Michael's gym bag. The quicker he leaves the quicker (in theory) he will return, and once he has returned the quality time is much better then that rushing due to time restraints.
I suppose it has been gearing on my heart for awhile to serve my husband on a practical level in my household. Though it was only a couple of weeks ago where I was 'allowed' (ha!) to have saturday morning 'off' work to rejuvenate my spirit and have some ME time. As I returned home quickly to feed bubba before racing off again I was inundated by requests, excited people telling me what they've been doing, questions regarding my whereabouts and what I had been doing, and demanding schedules. On top of returning home with the unsupervised mess throughout the house. Knowing I would soon discover that children had been touching things they are not allowed to touch and spread non-touchables throughout the house. My freshly rejuvenated self was immediately un-rejuvenated and I was left in the non-peace side of peace... The side I wish not to be on... ever! What a chaotic way to re-enter the home after being out getting refreshed. Whilst I realise that 3 (I had bubba) young kids can create a noisy kind of chaos I prefer the serene kind of chaos. Surely that kind of environment is not one worth rushing home to.
I guess you could say the experience has inspired me to not allow that to occur unless I have no control over it (Lets face it! It happens when you have lots of little kids, but I DO try)
Michael finishes at 5pm. So around 5pm (or 5mins earlier depending on what we are doing) we do a quick rush around the lounge room picking up toys, rubbish, home schooling, whatever needs tidying up to make the lounge room LOOK presentable(r). Followed by the hallway. School room door is shut. Bathroom is quickly (re)cleaned up ready for his shower hopefully with a towel. Gym bag packed. Dining table is cleaned and set and dinner almost ready. As I hear MY (it is actually more mine than his ute) car pull up you'll find me rushing to the couch (often with bubba in arms) waiting for that moment when he walks in. He wouldn't have a clue that I have JUST been racing around ordering children to pick things up and put things away only moments ago. Sometimes I might have a nice little 'surprise' ready for him. Dinner that he likes, something that I've done.
The children are (usually) in their Pjs. One less job for them to do while Papa is still home.
This makes the bed time routine much faster but also more relaxed. I only need to change the toddler (who eats in dirty clothes rather than clean PJs... Lets be smart about this!)
For *MY* household at THIS time in our lives, this is the easiest, smoothest, serene chaos that (I think) is easier for MY husband to enter into at the end of the day.
Come back for more each day this week...
5 Things I am Thankful for:
1. The practical experience of entering into a chaotic environment which inspired me to create a serene chaos when Michael returned home
2. That I have a husband
3. That My Husband is out at work
4. That I do chaos... well...
5. That I have found something that works... for ME/US
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