How lovely it would be to sit back and chill out with some of those special people discussing our lives, changes, past memories, healing old wounds, discovering old mistakes and asking questions we've always wanted to know the answer of, even the painful ones that create peace and joy in our hearts as we discover why things happened and that our perception is out of whack and our negative train of thoughts are indeed all lies.
The children and I have been looking at my scrapbook albums that I've done to record memories of our lives and it's something I want to get back into. Maybe this is my year to catch up? We love to just sit and look at photographs on our phones of when the kids were a little bit younger.
I am remembering a birthday as a young girl. I woke early and sat on my bed happily playing with my Christmas toys when that thought suddenly hit me. It's my Birthday. I had forgotten.
I remember sitting on mum & dads bed to open my gifts. Dad would have more of a sleep afterwards as I would enjoy my gift.
I remember running to the Christmas tree to grab the parcel from overseas, racing back to mums bedroom to open it.
I remember the sparklers on my birthday cake and the embarrassment of being sung to.
The joy of blowing out my candles and wanting to do it again. & again.
I remember people saying make a wish and me not knowing what to wish for. Hoping no genie would come out of anywhere to scare me or live in my house. As a young child what did I want in life? I think it was babies...
But then I also remember no one wanted to come to my birthday parties, everyone was on holidays with their families and I was always stuck home with the big people. The boring adults. I understand now but I felt that pang of rejection as a child. It's just the way it goes with a 30th of Dec birthday.
I'd often have a friend sometimes two who would come play at my place for the day, or sleepover in a tent. That was exciting for me at least. Yes it was ridiculously hot in the yellow pop up tent but I didn't care. Half my party guests would be the younger siblings of my friends whom I usually enjoyed playing with but always felt it was less about me because they weren't my usual play mates.
We would have little red sausages with tooth picks and tomato sauce, sausage rolls and other nibbly foods. Gosh I wish I could remember our party food!!
One year my sister and I had a joint mcdonalds party that I had more guests attend. That was cool. It was in the beginning of Dec. That birthday day was spent in the caravan park in SA traveling Australia with my parents, bro & sis. Was Rowan there? I think he was. Mum made a birthday cake with milo instead of cocoa as she had run out. It was more like a giant cookie then a cake. They sang and called me a monkey.
It's just that time of year, busy between Christmas and New Year that has others unable to attend such celebrations. Especially with all the festivities that went on.
Even so, in my old-er-age I am missing those special people and those precious times. It's my fault really, I chose to move away from my family and my friends, and the way of life I left behind, get married and have kids to a country man. I've been abundantly blessed through it and don't want to go back, but still, I miss them. The day-to-day stuff really of special people whom I care about and have tender feelings for. Special places that saw me grow up and change and develop.
I have so much to say to most of these people about how they've impacted me and how I feel about them, care for them and love them.
And I guess after all this time I want to know are you a better person because of me? Is your life richer because of me? Do I encourage you? Would you consider yourself blessed because you know me, or of me? Have I told you all the things i need to tell you? Do you believe that you are special to me even though my actions may prove otherwise? Have I hurt you that I'm unaware of that needs reconciliation? Or am I still just that annoying jabber-jaws that won't shut up.
It's not so much about the gifts you receive in a physical sense wrapped in pretty paper with a birthday card but more the positive influences and special people in your life that make that long lasting difference in your heart.
For me, this year (I hear) that I get to spend some time with some special people of my *now* time but I do hope that I get to spend time with my *then* special people soon.
I miss my Dad, my Mum, my Sister & Brother, two nieces, Sara & Stacey the most xxx
So, enjoy these birthday pics of me through the years. The pic of three girls with me having my hand near my mouth and the other girl giggling with her hand over her mouth is the time in SA when my brother sang "you look like a monkey and you smell like one too" for the record I am not a monkey and I do not smell!!
Blue dress on floor I'm 17 with a fresh drivers license test passed.
Just my face with pink background I was 19 years old.
Orange plane I was 21 and I "drove" that thing!!!!
Blurry yellow tent we camped.
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