Am I going to stop... No, probably not... God-willing
You've got your hands full... Yeah, they've been full since I had my first, filled since having my second, now they are overflowing...
You must be busy... Yeah, probably, but I've not noticed much difference since just having TWO
Don't you have a tv... No actually I don't. I hate tv and am super glad I don't have one. But don't try give me one cos I am running out of people to give them away too.
How many do you want... I don't have an answer. How many God will bless me with?!
There are loads and loads of comments that people with large(r) families receive. You've got to be quick with your come backs, and you've got to not take it too personally given most of us "choose" or at least "allowed" lots of kids to be born from us and not to judge back too harshly.
You see, often a parent of lots of kids will state that 'atleast my children are learning respect, to share, to be kind, and considerate, to help with chores, to behave whilst out and blah blah blah.' and in lots of cases this is true. HOWEVER, there are lots of small(er) families that children are also taught these characteristics (& more on both accounts). Opportunities arise in all occassions for positive qualities to be taught to children regardless of the number of siblings they have.
To counteract the negativity of having lots of kids a larger-kid-parent might state "because those with SMALL(ER) families COULD NOT COPE having lots of kids". Some of those less-kid-parents would cope a heck of a lot better than others with lots of kids. Ain't that the truth! You see, it is not HOW MANY kids a person has that gives or takes their ability to COPE from them. There are other influential factors involved. Such as WHAT they are coping with, their SUPPORT network, HOW they are managing the issues (and non-issues), etc etc etc
See, the truth is this. Children are a blessing, but they're hard work with a mind of their own. There are parents with lots of kids who do NOT train or teach their children in positive ways and are most likely to end up in juvvy or jail in a later life. And there are parents to only one or two in the same position. And there are parents with lots of kids who are raising wonderful positive children as well as ones with less kids. Ain't that the truth!
But here is the other side:
Some of those parents with a small(er) amount of kids are in the process of working their way UP to be a family of a large(r) family - you know... like me?!.
Some of those parents WISH they COULD have had lots of kids or more kids, but for some reason their body will not allow them to, or they don't have a partner, or [insert blank]. In fact, that SINGLE (or double) child was a complete miracle in itself. A child they are (usually) extremely extremely grateful for.
Some of those parents HAD a child but for some unbeknown reason their child died, or they had a miscarriage or something happened.
I know people on all sides of the track, and if I know that many people, you probably know people like them all too.
I don't know why people feel they can and should comment on the choice of how many children you do or do not have, your coping skills, parenting skills, and what not. But they do. I don't know why people have a negative opinion of having lots of kids or just a few. But they do. And there is nothing you can do to change their opinion. In fact they have the right to an opinion, as you have a right to yours, and I have a right to mine. We were all given the ability to think freely.
Personally, I've been getting comments since having my 2nd child. That is TWO (very) little kids. And they have never stopped. Not yet anyhow.
Actually, after the birth of my FIRST child on the way out of the hospital I came across the mother of two adult children who congratulated me on the birth of my boy and then stated matter-of-factly "I hope you don't have as many as [my inlaws - who had 9 kids]!!!" as if it was a bad thing. I don't know what propelled me to state it but I replied quick as a wink "Yeah! I hope I have MORE!" and that was the end of that.
* At the fruit and vege shop I had two perfectly well behaved (during those moments) children sitting in a side-by-side pram quietly gazing around. The shop keeper looked at the two of them and said (negative tone) "Whoah! How the #$@# do you manage that?! I am struggling with the ONE @#@$# as it is and couldn't imagine having to have more!" I simply replied, "I love it" whilst thinking jeepers, imagine her reaction when I start showing with our third. It wasn't MY fault she was struggling with her ONE, in fact her negative comments geared towards me were not MY problem. They were hers. Does this affect me? No. Why? Because it was not personal, as in not aimed at me directly but more at her own inability to get her head around 'having' to have another child. Does this mean that I can't cope with my 2 kids 24months apart? Pfft! No. It means she is inwardly amazed and thinking I wear one of those super-mum--suits under my snug fitting clothing. If only it were true.
* One time at the bank I had four-kids-under-four (3 1/2, 18mths, 10mths, & my newborn). I had no pram (Can't get a pram up the steps and through the door so I never used it). I was joyful, using the opportunity to train my children how to behave while out and be obedient (obedience training), and continuously talking to the children and complimenting them on their wonderful behaviour. Another customer (with negative tone of voice) stated that it looks like I have my hands full. Yes, I replied while busily doing what I went in for whilst holding two babies and the hand of a very active 18month old. But she kept going. I didn't have time or energy to argue, to talk, to make statements or anything. And quite frankly I didn't care to. Why? Because I had a job to do, and I loved just about ALL those moments with caring for that many kids. And YES during that time my house somehow was clean and mopped daily... I mean nightly... But then the amazing thing happened. The bank teller who was serving this old lady with the negative attitude who kept talking about me stated Yes, She (me) obviously looks like she likes it. To which I finally replied Yes I do, quite alot actually. I love doing this. And walked out of the bank.
You see, you can't argue with that. Why? Because it is an emotion and a feeling, and you can not argue with someone's emotions or feelings. You can not tell a person that their feelings are incorrect because YOU can not feel them. And isn't it a good thing that I love(d) doing what I was doing. Nothing 'poor' about me having to deal with 'all-those-kids'. Quite blessed actually.
Just because YOU do not LIKE something does not mean that someone ELSE will not LIKE it. We like it like that in our society. It means that all the jobs in our society are filled by people with different skills, different interests, different hobbies. It means that me, as a mum, can go to the 'market' (woolies) and purchase the food to feed my family, it means that me as a mum, can go get my car fixed by someone with skills, and it means that my husband, as a tyre fitter, can go put tyres on other peoples cars. It means that we don't have to DO everything which also means that we don't have to LIKE to do everything. I like things like that and I like what I do.
The majority of my dealings with people have gone along the lines of:
- You look like your hands are full (Couldn't deny it - they are)
- You look busy (ahh, yes... cos you always see me OUT)
- How many do you want (I Always answer 10 with a shrug... it spins them out, and then they wont be shocked at the next pregnancy announcement)
- The occasional "how do you do it?" (Do what?!)
Bottom line is this:
If you've birthed a child, are raising a child, would like to raise a child, no matter how many you have or how many you want... Really, wouldn't it just be wonderful if we could get alongside one another and encourage one another, build each other up, and love one another. But let each other make our own mistakes, wrong choices, and do it our own way without the negativity that comes along with advising other parents.
I LOVE being a parent, I don't think I'd even be alive still if I wasn't a parent, and my life would definitely be worth a lot less without my four little blessings. I love being the parent of lots of little kids.
To those of you who had, and have lost a baby either in-utero or after birth, to those of you who want and wish you could/will have more, and to those of you who wanted and never had... I want to honour you tonight... Because I know, & understand slightly of what that feels like... Through loss and fears of my own... From she who has lots of little kids...
5 Things I am Thankful for:
1. Support Network
2. EACH of my little kids
3. That I have the opportunity to be a STAY AT HOME kind of a mum
4. That I have my special and individual convictions so that it doesn't matter what you think about me
5. Having my hands full, cos it means my HEART is even fuller
No comments: