Teach Your Child to Self Feed

One of the most common questions I get asked is... "How can I teach my child to feed themselves?"  I was pretty motivated to teach my own kids because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again... well, mostly.  It is also a skill I have worked on, a lot, with kids of all ages and abilities.  In this post, which is long over due, I am going to cover it all.  I will tell you how to get your kid finger feeding, using a spoon, and a fork, all of which happen at different developmental periods. Plus, I'll give you age guidelines, notice my word choice, when we are talking milestones. There is always a lot of variability as each child is unique.  Of course, I will share with you my favorite beginner utensils, too!  So, let's get started...

Finger Feeding

When?

Hopefully your child has started or will start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp for their food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth. This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.  Slowly, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up more foods, which should evolve into a pincer grasp (see the top pic above or the one below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months). This pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing.  If you want more specifics on transitioning to table foods check out my two part series here and here.



How You Can Help Them!

First of all, make sure you are giving them opportunity. Let them try and try again, it is okay to let them struggle a little. That is how they learn!  Give them things like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth.  The problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp. If they aren't isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don't use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, like my husband is demonstrating in picture to the right. Don't let go until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb.  Spend just a few minutes "practicing" at the beginning of the meal and then let them finish their meal normally so they don't get too frustrated. Likely, it won't be long before they have mastered this new skill!




Spoon Feeding

When?

We look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon, completely independently by the age of 2.  However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they are given the opportunity . By one year of age they can be proficiently and messily feeding themselves.  If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding make sure you read one of my most popular posts, Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.

How You Can Help Them!

Giving Hand-Over-Hand Help

As with spoon feeding, the most important thing you can do initially is to let your baby or now toddler try. In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon while you feed them.  This allows baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too.  Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently, encourage this.  Once they start to put it to their mouth put your hand on top of their's and dip it together in the food, put just enough on the spoon so it is just a taste.  Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.

Once they have this under their belt, it is time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I can already feel the panic setting in for so many of you - What, their own bowl?!?  A bowl they can throw and stick their hands in? Yes, that is what I am suggesting! The suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves. If they aren't showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of their's and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (see the pic above left). Once you reach this point your child is probably around 8- 9 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process.  I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.

You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon.  When they are feeding themselves most of the meal you can stop using your own bowl.  In a short time you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
Although it will continue be a supervised process for some time.  Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don't worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin.  I hope I'm not the barer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 - 2 and 1/2. On the upside their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food or answer the phone or wash up a few dishes!

It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon.  Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.

If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it is okay, you are still going to proceed in much the same way.  You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don't think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.  With a toddler it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too.  Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!  

If your child is struggling to get the hang of it or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the mess that is bothering them.  If you suspect that they don't like being messy show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own.  If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up.  Check out my Sensory Basics and Sensory Bins post for more help on this.

Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.

My FAVORITE Spoons

Both of my boys used these Spoons and the spork variety they sell as well. I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn't so hot.  I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn't lost, which can be really frustrating to these guys when their trying so hard.

Fork Feeding

When?

Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding.  Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.

How You Can Help Them!

Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with something really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget.  Noodles and fruit are soft, but

Hand-Over-Hand help with Fork

slippery, and may fall apart. In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down and give them a real chance at being successful.  That will motivate them to try again and again.  If they are having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it.  Give them as little help as possible as you move along. 

Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.








My FAVORITE Forks


I love these little forks because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something.  But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren't dangerous for little ones.  

Have more questions? Let me here them, leave a comment here or on facebook.  I write new posts a few times a month and don't want you to miss anything. Make sure to sign up for our email subscription in the top of the right sidebar!

If you are looking for more information on developmental milestones or "picky" eating for your child click on the Article Index here or in the top menu.

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Common Mistakes Parents Make: How to Start Good Eating Habits

For many parents feeding their kids is a bit overwhelming, especially in the beginning.  It's really straight forward when they are babies, right?  Milk, then baby food.  Simple. Things start to get a little tricky when real food is introduced and the bottles and baby food are weened away.  Those babes turn into toddlers and the eating transition can be challenging.  I'm not just talking about how to get them to start eating table foods, I've already covered that in another post (How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food).  It's all the other things that come along with this transition like when, what, and where to feed them.... when and how do they feed themselves... how long should they sit in a high chair... etc.  Okay, if you weren't overwhelmed already, I am probably overwhelming you now!  Obviously, I am going to walk you through the most common mistakes parents seem to make and how you can avoid them to get your kid's eating started with a good foundation.  They are mostly simple things that the Pediatrician doesn't have time to tell you or may not even know.  

Staying on Baby Food Too Long

Going to get this one out of the way first. Generally speaking babies should be starting to eat table foods around 8-9 months and should be done eating baby food by their first birthday. Of course there are exceptions to this, especially if your child has developmental delays.  Each child is an individual and I do want you to follow their lead, BUT often I see parents sticking with baby food way too long because it is easier or THEY are uncomfortable exposing their child to more table foods.  You may think, where is the harm in it? Although most kids will move onto table foods fairly easily, some can get stuck in a rut and refuse table foods if they are kept on baby food for too long.  If you need more help with this transition check out part one and two of How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.  

Abandoning the High Chair

I know the big high chairs can be cumbersome in kitchens and the trays are annoying to keep cleaning, but these seats and their ability to confine, ahem, I mean keep you child safe are the best bet for a while.  Babies have learned to associate eating with this chair and toddlers are notoriously distracted.  If you try to have them eat at their own little table or at a big table before the age of 2.5 you are most likely going to be in a constant struggle just to keep them sitting at the table and their eating habits will surely suffer.  There is nothing wrong with keeping your kid in a high chair or booster seat with a strap until they are 3.  If you never stray from this they won't ever know the difference, sitting in a high chair or booster is all they have ever know.  Once you let them kneel on a big chair or don't strap them into the booster, it could be very difficult to return to the original set up.

Once you do move to strap-free eating situation, lay the ground rules quickly about staying seated. If you child insists on getting down, meal time is over for them. Make sure they understand this and follow through. Click here for more info on setting up a schedule and spacing meals apart.

Constant Snacking

I have to admit, this is probably my biggest pet peeve and the most prevalent error parents make. (Warning: stepping onto my soap box)  Somehow our culture has evolved to constantly feeding our kids, most of the time we do this to pacify them. We hand them crackers or cookies in grocery stores, doctors offices, cars, parties, and even church to keep them quiet.  It doesn't always stop there, in the beginning it can be hard to find a schedule for eating that works and leaving food out all the time can seem logical, or meal times become stressful and schedules are abandoned because it seems easier.  It may be easier in the short term, but in the long run it will become more difficult to get good eating habits established. When kids are given snacks endlessly, the message sent is that we don't need to sit and eat together (yes, even if it is just a snack) and that we can eat whenever we want.  I think it is important to teach kids to respect meal time in its own right so they can develop healthy eating habits for life.  Constant snacking totally defeats this, and as I have discussed previously, snacking usually ruins their appetite.  

In my day job (as an occupational therapist), I see huge changes in a child's eating when the family moves to structured, spaced out meals. At home, I also see a dramatic difference in my kid's eating when they have snacked too frequently.  

Toys at the Table

No toys at the table might seem obvious to some of you, especially parents with babies that aren't really trying to pull this stunt yet. I assure you there will be a day when your toddler is insistent and will ultimately throw a tantrum just to have the truck or doll at the table with them.  In the moment, it is very easy to give in because you are exhausted and don't have the battle in you.  However, this is a battle worth fighting, even though that toy may be keeping them in their chair it will mostly distract them from actually eating. Sometimes it helps to place the toy in a spot where a child can see it (sometimes that makes it worse!). Either way, once your kiddo knows that you mean business about no toys coming to the table, they will stop trying.  

*If your child is receiving feeding therapy, some therapeutic strategies employ the use of toys at meals.

Eating Alone

Eat with your kids, often when we start babes out on baby food they are on their own schedule and we focus just on feeding them at their own meal time.  This should be short lived, if ever a scenario at all.  If possible it is a great habit and benefit to the baby to eat meals together.  As they start to eat multiple times a day and begin table foods, try to find a way to have your eating schedules coincide.  Serving your kids solo means them missing out on a variety of social interactions, as well as the powerful tool of modeling.  These mini-me's just want to emulate us, and while we all know that they observe everything that we are doing, we often forget to apply that to eating. They notice that the broccoli is on our plate and what we like to eat.  Not to oversimplify, but If your kid never sees you eating the broccoli, they might not eat it either.  

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Please don't fret if you have already begun some of these habits, my hope is that this information will empower you to make some changes that will lay the groundwork for good eating habits throughout your child's life.  Although it may take a little more time to undo some of what I discussed here, you can get back on track by slowly making changes.  Pick one thing to focus on at a time and be patient!

If your looking for more help on establishing good eating habits click here, here, and here. Follow me on facebook for quick tips and ideas.  

As always, I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment, let me know what you're thinking or any questions you may have.

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How Meal Planning Can Help Picky Eaters: Guest Post at Super Healthy Kids!

Many of you following along here at Your Kid's Table or on our Facebook page know that I love meal plans. Wonder how it might help a picky eater or problem feeder in your life? Well, I got the scoop on that over at Super Healthy Kids today.  I am thrilled to be guest posting there, as many of you know it is an amazing site full of wonderful resources related to healthy eating for the whole family.  Don't be shy when you hop over, leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

How Meal Planning Can Help Picky Eaters!

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5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat

People ask me all the time, "Why doesn't my kid eat?"  Most of you know how frustrating meal time can be when you try something new or worse when you serve something they've eaten before and then refuse to eat! Most kids will do this occasionally, but for some it is a way of life.  So, what gives? Well, a variety of factors can contribute and the reasons can evolve over time.  There is value in doing some detective work because getting to the root of the problem will then give you the tools to help them eat more food, more consistently.  In my experience and specialized feeding education,I believe there are 5 different reasons kids refuse to eat.  At the same time, it is common for several of these underlying issues to affect a child's ability to eat well at the same time.  Keeping that in mind, let me a explain in some more detail...

Medical

Although this may seem like the most obvious reason kids don't eat, it is often the most overlooked.  Well, at least it isn't always explored deeply enough.  When kids have a well documented medical condition or are visibly sick, it is obvious that their eating can be affected, but sometimes there are more subtle issues.  Two of the biggest culprits are acid reflux and constipation.  Both of these very common problems for kids can put a halt to eating.  Sarah Dees guest posted a few months back about reflux and it's effects on an infant, but it can also have an impact on kids much older- even if they weren't diagnosed as an infant.  My older son has struggled with constipation since he was about a year old.  I have to carefully watch his fiber intake and when he starts to get a little backed up,  his eating is greatly affected.  Every time he has a bad meal, I have to ask myself, "Does he need to go to the bathroom?"  The answer is usually, "Yes!"

If you read through the rest of this post and feel that none of the other categories fit with why your child isn't eating, I would strongly encourage you to think about any possible stomach issues.  Kids aren't always able to verbalize how they are feeling or realize it is part of the problem.  Definitely discuss it further with your doc, there are some really simple fixes for some of these problems.  By the way, teething, fatigue, and other common aliments fit into this category.  

Sensory

For many "picky eaters" sensory processing plays a big role in their refusal to eat foods. Simply put, if something feels gross in their mouth or on their hands, they aren't going to eat it.  The fancy therapeutic term we give for this is tactile defensive.  Clues that your child may be refusing foods because they are defensive are: gagging, squirming, or seeming frightened by the sight, smell, touch, or taste of a particular food. Oral aversion also fits into this category.  If your child has had medical testing, feeding tubes, or a physical incident in or around their mouth/throat (even from a infancy) they may be scared to have anything come toward their mouth and be overly sensitive in the area.  

On the other end of the sensory spectrum, a child may not be able to discriminate food in their mouth well and they will unsafely stuff a large amount of food into their cheeks like a chipmunk.  This helps give them some feedback as to where the food actually is.  These kids lose track of the food easily and can't chew it well.  Soft foods that aren't easily discriminated (think mashed potatoes, cheese, etc.) are usually refused because they can't manipulate them well in their mouth.  

I have written a lot about the sensory-food connection. Check out those posts here and here if you are looking for more info on this!

Mechanics

This one might be a little tricky for parents to figure out because you need to consider how well your child is chewing and swallowing their food.  You can probably rule this out if you have a child over 2.5 that safely and easily transitioned onto table foods.  Signs that your child may not be chewing well are: choking/gagging after the food is already in their mouth for a few seconds/minutes, spitting out half chewed food, or throwing up food that looks like it has hardly been chewed.  They also may have had difficulty breastfeeding and struggled with table foods when they were introduced.  Kids will start refusing to eat foods because they don't know how to chew it or they are scared they are going to gag/choke/throw up again on this food.  They will often stick to a limited diet because they know they can manage them safely.  

Routine

What do I mean by routine exactly?  Well, I strongly believe that structure and routine around food and meal time is critical to kids eating well.  I know there are a few kids out there that will manage to eat well with the lack thereof, but by in large most kids eating habits will suffer greatly without a regular routine.  This can be a touchy subject for parents, we all have our comfortable eating habits and routines that we have already established for ourselves as adults.  We often continue to do what is comfortable for us with our kids, but it isn't always what leads us to teaching them habits that we really want them to have. If you don't have regular meal times, pay attention to how frequently they are eating. Do you eat in front of the TV often, and/or mostly let your kids pick what they want to eat? If they aren't eating well or willing to try foods, lack of routine may be the reason for it... or at least part of it. 

I commonly see this compounded on top of one of the other 4 reasons kids don't eat.  When there is a problem with eating, we get overwhelmed and start grasping at straws just to get them to eat. This is another way the bad habits can begin and then play a role in poor eating.

Check out my Basic Strategies to Improve Eating and Easy Feeding Tips for a lot more info on the importance of routine and Easy Feeding Tips!

Behavior

I put behavior at the end of this list for a reason.  I want this to be the last thing that you consider. A lot of people advise parents that kids are being "bad" or that the reason they are refusing to eat well is behavior based.  Although, behavior plays a role, it is actually a small percentage of kids that actually refuse to eat based solely on behavior.  Now, please don't mistake me, even the youngest of tykes will learn quickly what they need to say or cry or throw to get what food they want.  All kids go through different stages of development when they are testing boundaries and you can bet they will test it at meal times, too.  After all, this is one of the few areas where they actually have some control.  But, these kinds of little phases are short lived and aren't severe.  For kids that have a history of being picky or poor eaters, behavior is a piece of the puzzle, but typically it has evolved from one of the legitimate reasons listed above.  


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So, I gave you a lot to think about!  If you are confused, overwhelmed, or still not sure why your kid is struggling with food, a consultation might be a good idea.  See the tab at the top or click here for more info!
        

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10 Awesome and Affordable Sensory Toys

It is the holiday season, which leaves many parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles on the hunt for toys a child will treasure.  It can be challenging, to say the least!  I have compiled a list of my top ten favorite sensory toys that any child could enjoy.  Of course, this list could be extra helpful for a child with Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism. 

I have some unusual toys that you surely won't come across in your local toy store and some unexpected every day items.  Plus, I've got every budget covered, from big ticket items and unique stocking stuffers priced between $3-80.  I have included a brief description of each toy and how it will give your child sensory feedback.  If you need a refresher on sensory processing or some of the terms I am using, click here for my sensory basics page. 

Vibrating Massager ($7.94)

 Vibration is one of the strongest forms of sensory input and it can be used to help improve attention/focus, if it is used briefly.  Think of playing a game where the vibrating "bug" quickly jumps onto different spots of the body for a few minutes when your child is having difficulty focusing.  At the same time, when you use vibration for a prolonged time, the input can become very calming, just like the vibrating back massagers adults like to lean on (by the way those can be great for kids too).  This would be a great toy to have in a time out area to help your child calm down.  

Mini Trampoline ($39.99)

If your child seeks out proprioceptive input (deep pressure) or needs help calming down, staying focused, or getting themselves organized, the trampoline is one of the best ways to meet those needs.  My kids have one of these and I drag it into many of the homes I go into because it gives great sensory feedback.  Sing rhythmic songs that your child can jump to like "1,2 Buckle My Shoe" or "The Ants Go Marching," especially if you are using it to improve attention.  Silly songs and jumping wildly are fun, but may get your kid more wound up in the short term. There are a ton of different varieties, some even have handles and legs that come off or fold for easy storage.

*Please watch your child and be close by to supervise appropriate use of the trampoline when it is in use.

Lava Lamp ($20.42)

Did I surprise you with this one?  Lava lamps can very relaxing to look at, as it gives visual input to our sensory system.  Kids can become mesmerized by these, which may not always be a good thing.  I would recommend using this for bedtime, as a nightlight, that the child can focus on to help them fall asleep.  Kids that have a hard time being still or calming down may also responds well to this.  Again, this would be great in a time-out or cool down area, just make sure it is out of reach from little hands.  These are just for looking.

Bath Foam Soap ($2.89)

Obviously, this works great in the tub. Squirt it on your kid and the wall of the tub. Let them go to town smearing and spreading it around.  In the bath, it washes off easily and with little clean up.  If you are brave enough, you can squirt this or shaving cream onto a cookie sheet and let them go at it.  Once they have it all spread out, it is a great way to work on shapes, letters, or spelling by having them use their index finger to draw in the foam.  I should mention that the coloring these foams use (I have tried a few different brands) seem to stain when they are used out of the bath, so be sure to have a few old towels around if you go this route.  Either way, lots of tactile feedback is coming your kids way.  If your child is tactile defensive, you may have to ease into this texture, it can be overwhelming for some kiddos.

Rody Inflatable Horse ($39.95)

This guy is so much fun! It holds a ridiculous amount of weight and is extremely durable.  It is similar to bouncing your kid on top of a large exercise ball (which is great, too), but with Rody your child can hop on and off easily by themselves to get loads of that proprioceptive input.

Kid O Bilibo ($24)

Is it a bowl? Is it a seat? It is a Bilibo! This fun European toy is designed to be indescribable.  The idea is to stimulate creativity and allow kids to use it in numerous and inventive ways. From a sensory standpoint, I love it for it's most obvious use- a seat, that a child can easily spin themselves around in.  Yes, this is great vestibular input!

Fabric Tunnel ($10-20)

These DIY doesn't get any easier and it folds up like a blanket for easy storage.  The tunnel needs held open so kids can crawl through or it can be used to wrap around a child.  Both ways, it gives great proprioceptive input.  I have a whole post on the sensory tunnel low down, check it out here!

Rocker ($9.99)

I love this find for only 10$!  This simple toy that rocks back and forth like a traditional rocking horse will provide lots of vestibular input.  Our kids are getting it for Christmas, I think they can both fit on it together, but it will have to wait till then for a trial run.  My 16 month old wouldn't get off it in the store.

Swivel Chair ($79.99)

The shade on this super cool kids chair pulls down and the whole thing spins!  All the spinning gives lots of vestibular feedback.  The shade that pulls down allows kids to retreat to a quiet space, which can be really important for kids that get overstimulated.  These chairs could work really well for a calm down space, too.  Stick the mini-vibrating massager I mentioned at the top and you have instant relaxation space!

Jump Rope ($9)

                                                 

A jump rope used in its traditional sense gives lots of proprioceptive feedback with all of that jumping.  However, I carry a knotted rope to therapy for tugging back and forth.  I like to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" with toddlers and preschoolers while I give them firm and steady tugs for proprioception.  Older kids would love to play tug of war, which would have the same effect.  

I personally have most of the toys listed here and use them with my own kids and in therapy.  They work really well in my experience.  Do you already have some of these? Please share your feedback, it would be helpful for us all to know how your kid has played with them!   

If you want to keep more sensory ideas coming follow me on facebook and Pinterest.  I regularly post and pin sensory resources and play ideas!

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Why Won't My Baby Eat?: Managing Silent Reflux

Today Sarah from Frugal Fun for Boys is guest posting here at Your Kid's Table.  She is a homeschooling mom to four boys and a violin teacher.  Two of her little guys experienced acid reflux as babies. Today she is sharing their journey in discovering silent reflux, diagnosis, and treatment of the symptoms.  Reflux affects many babies and children, which can have a huge impact on how and what they eat.  Sarah has more posts about reflux over on her blog, so be sure to check it out after reading this wonderful and informative post.

In the spring of 2009, I was expecting my third son, Owen. As a veteran mom, I figured that I pretty much knew what to expect. My first two boys were terrible at nursing at first, but we worked through those challenges, and they both went on to be chubby babies who were good eaters and grew well. I expected that my third son would follow the same path.

Well, that wasn't what happened.


I first suspected that something was wrong at about six weeks of age when Owen would begin nursing only to pull off, arch his back, and scream just a few minutes into the feeding. If I stopped the feeding and put him down, he was content and happy. If I tried to get him to finish nursing, he became very upset. I had no idea what could be wrong with Owen, and I assumed it must be a problem with nursing. We put off going to the pediatrician because my husband was out of work and we were uninsured at the time.

When Owen was 3 months old, my husband had a great new job and insurance coverage. We went to the doctor the first week that we had insurance! By this point, I was exclusively pumping and bottle feeding because it was very difficult to manage Owen's "snacking" approach to eating with two other boys to care for as well. With the bottle, I could see better what was going on. I explained to our pediatrician that Owen would drink 1-2 oz. and then begin arching and crying. The pediatrician suspected silent reflux (meaning that the refluxed material does not come all the way up as spit-up), and sent us home with a prescription for Axid. He said that we should see a difference after a few days on the medicine if reflux was truly the cause of Owen's feeding troubles.

We tried Axid, and it initially seemed to work, but a couple days later Owen was back to arching and refusing his bottle. The doctor had us try Prevacid. It was very difficult to give, and Owen came down with a cold as soon as we started it, so that made us wonder if the Axid really had been helping and the poor eating was simply the result of the cold coming on. At four months, Owen began teething, and his eating was really affected. He rarely drank more than 1.5- 2 oz. at a time. At five months, Owen had an upper GI test done (normal results - did not show any reflux) and he spent a month on Axid with inconclusive results. At 6 months, we stopped the Axid, because according to our doctor, Owen was probably close to outgrowing his reflux.

Actually, he wasn't close to outgrowing it at all!

7 months old

At 7 months, Owen was crying when we approached the chair where we fed him. Teething seemed to make his eating much worse, and he was constantly teething! Much of the time, he would not allow us to hold him while we fed him his bottle - he preferred to be in his bouncy seat. If anything remotely more interesting was going on, he would not eat. He would not eat solid foods, and honestly, getting him started on solids was the least of our concerns! Also, most of his milk intake was in a sleepy state before his naps. If either of his brothers interrupted us, the feeding was over! He stopped nursing completely at 4 months, so I was pumping full time while also teaching part-time at a private school, and homeschooling a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. When I look back at the stress of that time in our lives, I realize that it was only God's grace that got us through! Even now I am amazed at the strong feelings of stress that wash over me when I think about that stage. There's nothing quite like wondering if your child is starving himself.

One night, I posted my desperation on facebook, and a friend put us in touch with a feeding specialist that she knew. She was an incredible source of encouragement and information! First of all, she assured us that this sounded like classic reflux. She gave us some tips for dealing with the reflux, such as elevating the end of his crib mattress and moving him out of his infant carseat and into a convertible seat. Because we could not "see" any of Owen's symptoms, it was helpful to have someone assure us that reflux was his problem and that simple positioning tricks would help reduce the reflux. Owen was hoarse from the acid by this time, so we started him on Axid again at a higher dose, and Owen seemed more comfortable drinking his bottles within 48 hours! The feeding specialist also recommended that Owen see a dietician, and we eventually saw a GI specialist as well.

Owen's reflux was ugly. And he didn't outgrow it at 6 month, or a year, or even 18 months. But he DID outgrow it!

10 months old and sneaking a snack from the diaper bag - a moment that I was so happy to see!

Where are we now? Well, Owen is 3.5 years old and enjoys eating and snacking! Because of the feeding aversions that he developed, he did not begin to eat solid foods in any sort of reasonable quantity until he was 18 months old. He drank high calorie formula for most of his nutrition until 18 months, and didn't give up formula completely until 2 and a half. But we made it! The formula and bottles are finally a thing of the past, and Owen loves to eat fruits, veggies (he loves carrots and broccoli), most meats, peanut butter on crackers or apples, and cheese. He had a dairy sensitivity, which he has outgrown. He has been off his medicine since age 2.

What did we learn from our reflux experience?

• Silent reflux is hard to diagnose because the baby is not spitting up! We did not know for sure that Owen had reflux until he had a pH probe test at 10 months old. Some signs to watch for are crying and arching during feedings, screaming after feedings, frequent sour burps, and hoarseness from the acid.

• Choking during feedings can also be a sign of silent reflux. When our fourth son was born in January 2012, I noticed that he was sure choking a lot during his feedings! I called our feeding specialist, and she said that getting choked up more than once a day is not normal. We had a swallow study done at 6 weeks of age, and Jonathan's swallowing was just fine. But guess what the test revealed... reflux! He was having a "traffic jam" in his esophagus. Milk was trying to come back up while he was still eating. (However, Jonathan's reflux journey was much less severe! He is 10 months old, and has always been a good eater.)

• Reflux medicine does not stop the reflux. It does, however, make the reflux less acidic so that it will not burn and cause damage.

• Many breastfed babies with reflux also have a food sensitivity to dairy or soy, so it may be worth it to eliminate those from your diet. Owen responded really well to a hypoallergenic formula (Alimentum) at 10 months of age. I wish that I had tried a dairy elimination diet for me when he was still nursing because it obviously would have helped.

Owen during his 24 hour pH probe test

• If you feel that something is wrong, don't be afraid to keep pursuing it, even if your pediatrician thinks there is not a problem! Our pediatrician was not concerned because Owen's weight was in the 10th percentile at birth, and he hovered between the 3rd and 10th after that. He was growing along on his own growth curve. However, I saw what was happening at home - the refusing bottles, the never crying for a bottle, and the refusing to eat solid food. We saw a GI specialist on our own, and Owen had an EGD test done. The scope of his esophagus and stomach revealed gastritis - an inflammation of the stomach lining. A 6 week course of Nexium helped Owen quite a bit, and we would never have found that if we hadn't gone to the GI doctor!

• On the other hand, do your best to resolve any pain issues so that they aren't afraid to eat, but then relax about your child's growth. We were concerned about Owen's slow growth, but he now eats relatively well, and is still very small for his age! Our fourth son, Jonathan, grew like a weed despite his reflux. He choked during feedings until he was 5 months old, and yet managed to hold his own at the 50-60th percentile for weight. I think that genetic differences, not reflux, has been the bigger factor in the different growth patterns of my two sons with reflux.

Infant reflux can really affect life for both baby and parents! Have you dealt with a child with reflux? If you have any questions, I'd be happy to try to answer them in the comments!

Sarah Dees is a homeschooling mom to four boys ages 9, 6, 3, and 10 months.  She blogs about inexpensive and easy activities to keep boys busy and learning new things at Frugal Fun for Boys. 

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