Common Mistakes Parents Make: How to Start Good Eating Habits

For many parents feeding their kids is a bit overwhelming, especially in the beginning.  It's really straight forward when they are babies, right?  Milk, then baby food.  Simple. Things start to get a little tricky when real food is introduced and the bottles and baby food are weened away.  Those babes turn into toddlers and the eating transition can be challenging.  I'm not just talking about how to get them to start eating table foods, I've already covered that in another post (How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food).  It's all the other things that come along with this transition like when, what, and where to feed them.... when and how do they feed themselves... how long should they sit in a high chair... etc.  Okay, if you weren't overwhelmed already, I am probably overwhelming you now!  Obviously, I am going to walk you through the most common mistakes parents seem to make and how you can avoid them to get your kid's eating started with a good foundation.  They are mostly simple things that the Pediatrician doesn't have time to tell you or may not even know.  

Staying on Baby Food Too Long

Going to get this one out of the way first. Generally speaking babies should be starting to eat table foods around 8-9 months and should be done eating baby food by their first birthday. Of course there are exceptions to this, especially if your child has developmental delays.  Each child is an individual and I do want you to follow their lead, BUT often I see parents sticking with baby food way too long because it is easier or THEY are uncomfortable exposing their child to more table foods.  You may think, where is the harm in it? Although most kids will move onto table foods fairly easily, some can get stuck in a rut and refuse table foods if they are kept on baby food for too long.  If you need more help with this transition check out part one and two of How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.  

Abandoning the High Chair

I know the big high chairs can be cumbersome in kitchens and the trays are annoying to keep cleaning, but these seats and their ability to confine, ahem, I mean keep you child safe are the best bet for a while.  Babies have learned to associate eating with this chair and toddlers are notoriously distracted.  If you try to have them eat at their own little table or at a big table before the age of 2.5 you are most likely going to be in a constant struggle just to keep them sitting at the table and their eating habits will surely suffer.  There is nothing wrong with keeping your kid in a high chair or booster seat with a strap until they are 3.  If you never stray from this they won't ever know the difference, sitting in a high chair or booster is all they have ever know.  Once you let them kneel on a big chair or don't strap them into the booster, it could be very difficult to return to the original set up.

Once you do move to strap-free eating situation, lay the ground rules quickly about staying seated. If you child insists on getting down, meal time is over for them. Make sure they understand this and follow through. Click here for more info on setting up a schedule and spacing meals apart.

Constant Snacking

I have to admit, this is probably my biggest pet peeve and the most prevalent error parents make. (Warning: stepping onto my soap box)  Somehow our culture has evolved to constantly feeding our kids, most of the time we do this to pacify them. We hand them crackers or cookies in grocery stores, doctors offices, cars, parties, and even church to keep them quiet.  It doesn't always stop there, in the beginning it can be hard to find a schedule for eating that works and leaving food out all the time can seem logical, or meal times become stressful and schedules are abandoned because it seems easier.  It may be easier in the short term, but in the long run it will become more difficult to get good eating habits established. When kids are given snacks endlessly, the message sent is that we don't need to sit and eat together (yes, even if it is just a snack) and that we can eat whenever we want.  I think it is important to teach kids to respect meal time in its own right so they can develop healthy eating habits for life.  Constant snacking totally defeats this, and as I have discussed previously, snacking usually ruins their appetite.  

In my day job (as an occupational therapist), I see huge changes in a child's eating when the family moves to structured, spaced out meals. At home, I also see a dramatic difference in my kid's eating when they have snacked too frequently.  

Toys at the Table

No toys at the table might seem obvious to some of you, especially parents with babies that aren't really trying to pull this stunt yet. I assure you there will be a day when your toddler is insistent and will ultimately throw a tantrum just to have the truck or doll at the table with them.  In the moment, it is very easy to give in because you are exhausted and don't have the battle in you.  However, this is a battle worth fighting, even though that toy may be keeping them in their chair it will mostly distract them from actually eating. Sometimes it helps to place the toy in a spot where a child can see it (sometimes that makes it worse!). Either way, once your kiddo knows that you mean business about no toys coming to the table, they will stop trying.  

*If your child is receiving feeding therapy, some therapeutic strategies employ the use of toys at meals.

Eating Alone

Eat with your kids, often when we start babes out on baby food they are on their own schedule and we focus just on feeding them at their own meal time.  This should be short lived, if ever a scenario at all.  If possible it is a great habit and benefit to the baby to eat meals together.  As they start to eat multiple times a day and begin table foods, try to find a way to have your eating schedules coincide.  Serving your kids solo means them missing out on a variety of social interactions, as well as the powerful tool of modeling.  These mini-me's just want to emulate us, and while we all know that they observe everything that we are doing, we often forget to apply that to eating. They notice that the broccoli is on our plate and what we like to eat.  Not to oversimplify, but If your kid never sees you eating the broccoli, they might not eat it either.  

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Please don't fret if you have already begun some of these habits, my hope is that this information will empower you to make some changes that will lay the groundwork for good eating habits throughout your child's life.  Although it may take a little more time to undo some of what I discussed here, you can get back on track by slowly making changes.  Pick one thing to focus on at a time and be patient!

If your looking for more help on establishing good eating habits click here, here, and here. Follow me on facebook for quick tips and ideas.  

As always, I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment, let me know what you're thinking or any questions you may have.

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How Meal Planning Can Help Picky Eaters: Guest Post at Super Healthy Kids!

Many of you following along here at Your Kid's Table or on our Facebook page know that I love meal plans. Wonder how it might help a picky eater or problem feeder in your life? Well, I got the scoop on that over at Super Healthy Kids today.  I am thrilled to be guest posting there, as many of you know it is an amazing site full of wonderful resources related to healthy eating for the whole family.  Don't be shy when you hop over, leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

How Meal Planning Can Help Picky Eaters!

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5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat

People ask me all the time, "Why doesn't my kid eat?"  Most of you know how frustrating meal time can be when you try something new or worse when you serve something they've eaten before and then refuse to eat! Most kids will do this occasionally, but for some it is a way of life.  So, what gives? Well, a variety of factors can contribute and the reasons can evolve over time.  There is value in doing some detective work because getting to the root of the problem will then give you the tools to help them eat more food, more consistently.  In my experience and specialized feeding education,I believe there are 5 different reasons kids refuse to eat.  At the same time, it is common for several of these underlying issues to affect a child's ability to eat well at the same time.  Keeping that in mind, let me a explain in some more detail...

Medical

Although this may seem like the most obvious reason kids don't eat, it is often the most overlooked.  Well, at least it isn't always explored deeply enough.  When kids have a well documented medical condition or are visibly sick, it is obvious that their eating can be affected, but sometimes there are more subtle issues.  Two of the biggest culprits are acid reflux and constipation.  Both of these very common problems for kids can put a halt to eating.  Sarah Dees guest posted a few months back about reflux and it's effects on an infant, but it can also have an impact on kids much older- even if they weren't diagnosed as an infant.  My older son has struggled with constipation since he was about a year old.  I have to carefully watch his fiber intake and when he starts to get a little backed up,  his eating is greatly affected.  Every time he has a bad meal, I have to ask myself, "Does he need to go to the bathroom?"  The answer is usually, "Yes!"

If you read through the rest of this post and feel that none of the other categories fit with why your child isn't eating, I would strongly encourage you to think about any possible stomach issues.  Kids aren't always able to verbalize how they are feeling or realize it is part of the problem.  Definitely discuss it further with your doc, there are some really simple fixes for some of these problems.  By the way, teething, fatigue, and other common aliments fit into this category.  

Sensory

For many "picky eaters" sensory processing plays a big role in their refusal to eat foods. Simply put, if something feels gross in their mouth or on their hands, they aren't going to eat it.  The fancy therapeutic term we give for this is tactile defensive.  Clues that your child may be refusing foods because they are defensive are: gagging, squirming, or seeming frightened by the sight, smell, touch, or taste of a particular food. Oral aversion also fits into this category.  If your child has had medical testing, feeding tubes, or a physical incident in or around their mouth/throat (even from a infancy) they may be scared to have anything come toward their mouth and be overly sensitive in the area.  

On the other end of the sensory spectrum, a child may not be able to discriminate food in their mouth well and they will unsafely stuff a large amount of food into their cheeks like a chipmunk.  This helps give them some feedback as to where the food actually is.  These kids lose track of the food easily and can't chew it well.  Soft foods that aren't easily discriminated (think mashed potatoes, cheese, etc.) are usually refused because they can't manipulate them well in their mouth.  

I have written a lot about the sensory-food connection. Check out those posts here and here if you are looking for more info on this!

Mechanics

This one might be a little tricky for parents to figure out because you need to consider how well your child is chewing and swallowing their food.  You can probably rule this out if you have a child over 2.5 that safely and easily transitioned onto table foods.  Signs that your child may not be chewing well are: choking/gagging after the food is already in their mouth for a few seconds/minutes, spitting out half chewed food, or throwing up food that looks like it has hardly been chewed.  They also may have had difficulty breastfeeding and struggled with table foods when they were introduced.  Kids will start refusing to eat foods because they don't know how to chew it or they are scared they are going to gag/choke/throw up again on this food.  They will often stick to a limited diet because they know they can manage them safely.  

Routine

What do I mean by routine exactly?  Well, I strongly believe that structure and routine around food and meal time is critical to kids eating well.  I know there are a few kids out there that will manage to eat well with the lack thereof, but by in large most kids eating habits will suffer greatly without a regular routine.  This can be a touchy subject for parents, we all have our comfortable eating habits and routines that we have already established for ourselves as adults.  We often continue to do what is comfortable for us with our kids, but it isn't always what leads us to teaching them habits that we really want them to have. If you don't have regular meal times, pay attention to how frequently they are eating. Do you eat in front of the TV often, and/or mostly let your kids pick what they want to eat? If they aren't eating well or willing to try foods, lack of routine may be the reason for it... or at least part of it. 

I commonly see this compounded on top of one of the other 4 reasons kids don't eat.  When there is a problem with eating, we get overwhelmed and start grasping at straws just to get them to eat. This is another way the bad habits can begin and then play a role in poor eating.

Check out my Basic Strategies to Improve Eating and Easy Feeding Tips for a lot more info on the importance of routine and Easy Feeding Tips!

Behavior

I put behavior at the end of this list for a reason.  I want this to be the last thing that you consider. A lot of people advise parents that kids are being "bad" or that the reason they are refusing to eat well is behavior based.  Although, behavior plays a role, it is actually a small percentage of kids that actually refuse to eat based solely on behavior.  Now, please don't mistake me, even the youngest of tykes will learn quickly what they need to say or cry or throw to get what food they want.  All kids go through different stages of development when they are testing boundaries and you can bet they will test it at meal times, too.  After all, this is one of the few areas where they actually have some control.  But, these kinds of little phases are short lived and aren't severe.  For kids that have a history of being picky or poor eaters, behavior is a piece of the puzzle, but typically it has evolved from one of the legitimate reasons listed above.  


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So, I gave you a lot to think about!  If you are confused, overwhelmed, or still not sure why your kid is struggling with food, a consultation might be a good idea.  See the tab at the top or click here for more info!
        

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Why Won't My Baby Eat?: Managing Silent Reflux

Today Sarah from Frugal Fun for Boys is guest posting here at Your Kid's Table.  She is a homeschooling mom to four boys and a violin teacher.  Two of her little guys experienced acid reflux as babies. Today she is sharing their journey in discovering silent reflux, diagnosis, and treatment of the symptoms.  Reflux affects many babies and children, which can have a huge impact on how and what they eat.  Sarah has more posts about reflux over on her blog, so be sure to check it out after reading this wonderful and informative post.

In the spring of 2009, I was expecting my third son, Owen. As a veteran mom, I figured that I pretty much knew what to expect. My first two boys were terrible at nursing at first, but we worked through those challenges, and they both went on to be chubby babies who were good eaters and grew well. I expected that my third son would follow the same path.

Well, that wasn't what happened.


I first suspected that something was wrong at about six weeks of age when Owen would begin nursing only to pull off, arch his back, and scream just a few minutes into the feeding. If I stopped the feeding and put him down, he was content and happy. If I tried to get him to finish nursing, he became very upset. I had no idea what could be wrong with Owen, and I assumed it must be a problem with nursing. We put off going to the pediatrician because my husband was out of work and we were uninsured at the time.

When Owen was 3 months old, my husband had a great new job and insurance coverage. We went to the doctor the first week that we had insurance! By this point, I was exclusively pumping and bottle feeding because it was very difficult to manage Owen's "snacking" approach to eating with two other boys to care for as well. With the bottle, I could see better what was going on. I explained to our pediatrician that Owen would drink 1-2 oz. and then begin arching and crying. The pediatrician suspected silent reflux (meaning that the refluxed material does not come all the way up as spit-up), and sent us home with a prescription for Axid. He said that we should see a difference after a few days on the medicine if reflux was truly the cause of Owen's feeding troubles.

We tried Axid, and it initially seemed to work, but a couple days later Owen was back to arching and refusing his bottle. The doctor had us try Prevacid. It was very difficult to give, and Owen came down with a cold as soon as we started it, so that made us wonder if the Axid really had been helping and the poor eating was simply the result of the cold coming on. At four months, Owen began teething, and his eating was really affected. He rarely drank more than 1.5- 2 oz. at a time. At five months, Owen had an upper GI test done (normal results - did not show any reflux) and he spent a month on Axid with inconclusive results. At 6 months, we stopped the Axid, because according to our doctor, Owen was probably close to outgrowing his reflux.

Actually, he wasn't close to outgrowing it at all!

7 months old

At 7 months, Owen was crying when we approached the chair where we fed him. Teething seemed to make his eating much worse, and he was constantly teething! Much of the time, he would not allow us to hold him while we fed him his bottle - he preferred to be in his bouncy seat. If anything remotely more interesting was going on, he would not eat. He would not eat solid foods, and honestly, getting him started on solids was the least of our concerns! Also, most of his milk intake was in a sleepy state before his naps. If either of his brothers interrupted us, the feeding was over! He stopped nursing completely at 4 months, so I was pumping full time while also teaching part-time at a private school, and homeschooling a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. When I look back at the stress of that time in our lives, I realize that it was only God's grace that got us through! Even now I am amazed at the strong feelings of stress that wash over me when I think about that stage. There's nothing quite like wondering if your child is starving himself.

One night, I posted my desperation on facebook, and a friend put us in touch with a feeding specialist that she knew. She was an incredible source of encouragement and information! First of all, she assured us that this sounded like classic reflux. She gave us some tips for dealing with the reflux, such as elevating the end of his crib mattress and moving him out of his infant carseat and into a convertible seat. Because we could not "see" any of Owen's symptoms, it was helpful to have someone assure us that reflux was his problem and that simple positioning tricks would help reduce the reflux. Owen was hoarse from the acid by this time, so we started him on Axid again at a higher dose, and Owen seemed more comfortable drinking his bottles within 48 hours! The feeding specialist also recommended that Owen see a dietician, and we eventually saw a GI specialist as well.

Owen's reflux was ugly. And he didn't outgrow it at 6 month, or a year, or even 18 months. But he DID outgrow it!

10 months old and sneaking a snack from the diaper bag - a moment that I was so happy to see!

Where are we now? Well, Owen is 3.5 years old and enjoys eating and snacking! Because of the feeding aversions that he developed, he did not begin to eat solid foods in any sort of reasonable quantity until he was 18 months old. He drank high calorie formula for most of his nutrition until 18 months, and didn't give up formula completely until 2 and a half. But we made it! The formula and bottles are finally a thing of the past, and Owen loves to eat fruits, veggies (he loves carrots and broccoli), most meats, peanut butter on crackers or apples, and cheese. He had a dairy sensitivity, which he has outgrown. He has been off his medicine since age 2.

What did we learn from our reflux experience?

• Silent reflux is hard to diagnose because the baby is not spitting up! We did not know for sure that Owen had reflux until he had a pH probe test at 10 months old. Some signs to watch for are crying and arching during feedings, screaming after feedings, frequent sour burps, and hoarseness from the acid.

• Choking during feedings can also be a sign of silent reflux. When our fourth son was born in January 2012, I noticed that he was sure choking a lot during his feedings! I called our feeding specialist, and she said that getting choked up more than once a day is not normal. We had a swallow study done at 6 weeks of age, and Jonathan's swallowing was just fine. But guess what the test revealed... reflux! He was having a "traffic jam" in his esophagus. Milk was trying to come back up while he was still eating. (However, Jonathan's reflux journey was much less severe! He is 10 months old, and has always been a good eater.)

• Reflux medicine does not stop the reflux. It does, however, make the reflux less acidic so that it will not burn and cause damage.

• Many breastfed babies with reflux also have a food sensitivity to dairy or soy, so it may be worth it to eliminate those from your diet. Owen responded really well to a hypoallergenic formula (Alimentum) at 10 months of age. I wish that I had tried a dairy elimination diet for me when he was still nursing because it obviously would have helped.

Owen during his 24 hour pH probe test

• If you feel that something is wrong, don't be afraid to keep pursuing it, even if your pediatrician thinks there is not a problem! Our pediatrician was not concerned because Owen's weight was in the 10th percentile at birth, and he hovered between the 3rd and 10th after that. He was growing along on his own growth curve. However, I saw what was happening at home - the refusing bottles, the never crying for a bottle, and the refusing to eat solid food. We saw a GI specialist on our own, and Owen had an EGD test done. The scope of his esophagus and stomach revealed gastritis - an inflammation of the stomach lining. A 6 week course of Nexium helped Owen quite a bit, and we would never have found that if we hadn't gone to the GI doctor!

• On the other hand, do your best to resolve any pain issues so that they aren't afraid to eat, but then relax about your child's growth. We were concerned about Owen's slow growth, but he now eats relatively well, and is still very small for his age! Our fourth son, Jonathan, grew like a weed despite his reflux. He choked during feedings until he was 5 months old, and yet managed to hold his own at the 50-60th percentile for weight. I think that genetic differences, not reflux, has been the bigger factor in the different growth patterns of my two sons with reflux.

Infant reflux can really affect life for both baby and parents! Have you dealt with a child with reflux? If you have any questions, I'd be happy to try to answer them in the comments!

Sarah Dees is a homeschooling mom to four boys ages 9, 6, 3, and 10 months.  She blogs about inexpensive and easy activities to keep boys busy and learning new things at Frugal Fun for Boys. 

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Easy Feeding Tips...From My Table to Yours

Our family is in a huge transition right now.  11 weeks ago we moved in temporarily with my mother after selling our house before we could move into our new one.  I knew there would probably be set backs in all areas of my 2 year old's life.  Our routines are different and the dynamic with extra adults around has changed mealtimes in particular.  I have always considered my nearly 3 year old's eating to be pretty good.  However, since we have been in this state of limbo and I have been managing more difficult behaviors in other areas (aka pooping in his underwear), I have let his eating slowly decline.  It's not like I didn't see it happening slowly, but I kept telling myself, "It will be better when we move into our new house.  We will get back to our routine."  I was hoping we would be moving in 2 weeks.  Now it is pretty certain that it will be another 4-6 weeks.  I decided, finally, that his eating needed addressed now, it couldn't wait any longer.  I wanted to share with you some of the strategies that helped me rope his eating back in-- quickly! 

Some of these strategies I have discussed before and some are quick tips to get you thinking.  More than anything, I want you to get a feel for how I problem solve through feeding challenges at my table, in the hopes that you can apply some of the same strategies at your table.


Get a Game Plan

The first step in getting Sam's eating back on track was to come up with a game plan and get my husband on the same page.  Obviously, he totally follows my lead in this department, but it's really important that I communicate with him exactly how we are going to proceed.  Since my mom is a big part of mealtimes, I had a talk with her too.

I had to think-- what had really changed?  I was still giving a preferred food at meals, spacing meals 3 hours apart, and serving a variety of foods (see Basic Strategies for more on this).  Yet, he was getting so particular about what he was eating and playing with his food more than he was eating it.  Once I reflected on his eating, I was able to focus on a few strategies in particular, I have outlined them for you below.  

Cooking Together and Being Engaged Through the Whole Process

The biggest strategy I had forgotten lately is Cooking with Your Kid- Umm, Hello!  If you follow this blog you know that I talk about this all the time and have written many posts on cooking with Sam.  It has gotten him interested in many new foods!  So, first step in my game plan: Get Sam cooking again. Last night we made tacos and after cooking together, he ate tomatoes and turkey meat willingly, which are foods he has been refusing lately! 

Positive Parenting

Since I am fairly sure that the stress of this tranisition and temporary housing is having an affect on Sam, I needed to address why he may be acting out at meals.  Was the meal really the problem? Was he getting enough attention?  

A few nights ago I watched a webinar on Positive Parenting Solutions hosted by Creative with Kids (by the way, there is a ton of wonderful posts on positive parenting over there). It was a wonderful reminder for me that I need to really make sure that Sam is getting specific attention on a daily basis.  I have been going out of my way to make sure that I am engaged with him, trying to put my agenda aside and really be present throughout the day.  It is hard, but I am cutting way back on multi-tasking.  By the way, the cooking time that we shared accomplished this plus it gave him a sense of purpose in our family.  It is important for kids to feel like they are contributing to the family.  

"I'm all done."

Sam has announced at a few meals recently, "I'm all done."  It caught me off guard initially. I'm not going to get into a power struggle here, so I let him be all done, even if it was only a few minutes after the meal begun.  BUT, I told him that there was no food until the next meal.  Each time I make sure that he has heard me and make him repeat it back to me.  I fully intended to follow through.  The few times he tried this, he came back within less than 5 minutes and asked to finish his meal.  You know what? He did!  I wouldn't have let him do this if a longer amount of time had passed.  I know that his little brain needed a minute or two to process what had happened.  

Salvaging a Meal that is on the Rocks

Mealtime with kids can get out of hand in a hurry.  Before you throw in the towel, can you make small, reasonable changes to the meal? I use this strategy a lot with both of my kids.  I am not talking about getting something different to eat or jumping through hoops.  There are times that legitimately the food needs to be changed a little.  Kids won't force down cold food, or foods that isn't seasoned well the way most of us will.  If it doesn't taste great, then they probably won't eat it.  Also, sometimes kids just need to shift focus, it may have nothing to do with the food... you just have to get them interested.  I had to use several of these today at lunch and in the end it was a decent meal. Here is a list of the some the tricks I use:

• Heating up food.  A couple of quick seconds in the microwave can make the food a lot more palatable.

• Cut it up or give a big piece.  I change up whatever way I originally presented it.  Today I gave him a meatball cut in half, thinking he would like to take bites off or cut it himself.  After seeing he wasn't eating them. I asked, "Would you like me to cut them into small pieces?" I did, and he ate 4-5 pieces. I was content with that. 

• Sprinkle a little Parmesan cheese, garlic salt, or parsley on the food.  I only use a miniscule amount, but Sam thinks it is special and will often dig in.

• Give a different utensil.  I might say, "Oh, would you like your digger fork, instead, to eat those meatballs?"  This works more often than you would think.

• Add a sauce, dip, or liquid.  Sometimes I mix more milk in the homemade mac and cheese or add some chicken broth to the rice.  I let my kids see me do this and then re-present.  Often, they see that has changed and you have engaged them a little so they may be more willing to give it a try.  Also, think of offering dips or more sauce.

At the top of this post I shared that our family was in transition, and in this instance I think that is part of the reason for the decline in Sam's eating.  BUT, it is very typical for kid's eating to go up and down over days, weeks, and months.  They go in and out of phases.  The important thing is that WE stay consistent.  The times when their eating goes down hill a little, use some of these strategies to get things back on track!

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Working Through Feeding Challenges with Your Child: A Consult

My hope when beginning this blog 4 months ago was that Your Kid's Table would be a place that parents could find reliable answers for feeding challenges they were facing with their children.  The posts I write are a good start, but a lot of the time you all have more questions and specific instances that need individual recommendations.   For the last two months I have been (slowly) putting together a plan to offer consultation services, so that I am able to provide this one-on-one support.  

I am very excited to announce that today that is possible!  I am now offering consulting services to address a wide range of feeding and sensory concerns you may have for your child.  

Milo and his mother Amanda were my first consult at Your Kid's Table.  Amanda contacted me a few weeks ago with concerns about Milo's (15 months old) eating.  I want to share with you Milo's story in hope's that you can apply some of the strategies I gave to Amanda with your own child.  


Milo was born 6 weeks early and struggled to eat enough from a bottle most of his first year.  He is growing, happy, and has a lot of energy, but is low on the growth chart for weight.  Currently, he is eating stage 2 and 3 baby foods and a few crunchy table foods.  He refuses to put most table foods into his mouth.  Milo also has several food allergies, including peanuts, wheat, and dairy.  As you can see, Amanda is facing some challenges.  Obviously, the main goal of the consult was to give Amanda strategies to, well, get Milo to eat more table foods.  

Skyping with Amanda and Milo

Amanda chose to have her consult over Skype and I was able to see the ridiculously adorable Milo eat a teething biscuit.  This was very helpful because it helped me narrow down why he may be refusing some of the foods he is eating.  I could see through our video chat that Milo was chewing his food quite well and using a rotary chew.  A rotary chew is the jaw moving in a circular motion to really grind up food, this is a mature chew that should develop by 12-24 months.  Prior to the rotary chew, babies use an up and down munching chew.  

After asking Amanda a few questions, I discovered that Milo gags at the sight of some foods, like bananas.  This, in addition to witnessing his rotary chew, is a strong indicator that he may be refusing foods due to sensory sensitivity.   Now that I had an idea of why Milo wasn't eating well, I could  give Amanda more specific strategies for Milo.  It would have been difficult for me to be certain of this without seeing him myself.

After watching Milo for a few minutes, Amanda and I spent the rest of the time talking about different strategies.  Here are a few : (And, I do mean a few, the written summary I gave her after the consult was nearly 3 pages long.)

• Give Milo lots of opportunity for messy play through sensory bins and creative play time, like painting.  (Click here for more sensory bin ideas and follow me on Pinterest to find all sorts of recipes and ideas for other messy play.)

• Try a vibrating toothbrush, as he tolerates.  Encourage, don’t force.  This will help break down some of the sensory sensitivity he is having in his mouth.  Vibration is strong sensory input.

• Start to get him to tolerate some of the textures he doesn't like by playing with those foods for a few minutes at the end of the meal.  For example, have him push the banana around like a car.  It may be necessary to play first with the banana inside of the peel.  While he is playing say something like, “Oh, we are going to open the doors (of the car),” and slowly pull back some of the peel.   The idea is to slowly make baby steps from wherever his current comfort level is with a food.  If Milo gags briefly, calmly and reassuringly say, “You’re ok,” and continue with play if he is able to.  If there is a lot of gagging, calmly remove the food and don’t make a big of a deal out of the gagging.  You may say, “You’re ok”, again and change the activity if need be. (Click here for more info on playing with food.)

• Use spreads to increase the variety of foods and his caloric intake on what ever foods you can.  Spread thin if you need to so the texture isn't overwhelming or alternate a plain piece and a piece of food with spread on it.

• Try to make as much food as possible and slowly transition away from store bought baby food.  Jarred food doesn't compare in terms of texture and taste. Also, try slowly making foods thicker and with seasonings.  Most table foods can go into a food processor.   As he tolerates thicker foods try giving him small pieces of those foods individually.  Think spaghetti, meatloaf/potatoes/veggie, and polenta/fish/veggie for meal ideas. (Click here for more first table food ideas.) 

• If he allows you, place very small pieces of new or non-preferred foods into his mouth shortly after he finishes chewing a bite of something he really likes. Slowly, increase size and frequency of the new food.

• Remember to stay consistent, keep mealtimes positive, and be patient.  Eating is a skill just like any other milestone in their development.  It takes time.

Milo with messy hands and face after eating. And, drinking from his straw cup !
Great job Milo and Amanda!

Okay, I am going to have to stop there, this post is getting really long!  I hope this gives you ideas for some of the challenges you may be having with your own child.  

Amanda reported that the consult was extremely helpful and shared some great feedback, "...  It was nice to have someone certified watch him eat and give me suggestions vs. me just grasping at different ideas (your blog is also very helpful with this). The written summary was great, very detailed..."  I am looking forward to hearing how Milo is doing and will share updates on his progress on facebook.

Maybe a consult would be right for you, too?  Not sure or have other questions about the process then contact me at YourKidsTable@gmail.com and be sure to check out my new consulting page by clicking here or in the top menu. 

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Getting Your "Picky" Eater to Explore New Foods

I am excited to announce that I am sharing my first guest post today, over at Playing With Words 365! This post is for anyone who is struggling with their kids variety of foods, but any parent can take away some great ideas.  

"Picky" eaters can be frustrating and drain our patience reserves quickly.  When that happens you need a game plan, you know, some new strategies.  I have that game plan!  Click here to check it out!  Feel free to leave comments for me here or there!

If you are new to Playing With Words 365, Katie is a speech therapist and Mama.  Her blog is fantastic, loaded with tons of ideas to improve speech, engaging play ideas, and therapy ideas for other therapists.  Spend some time there, you will be glad you did!

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5 Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Kid During Meals

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now, in fact it was one of my first ideas.  It has been on my mind because the language and environment we create around eating can significantly impact how our kids eat, for the good or for the bad.  I hear parent's say these statements so often and I know that they probably don't realize that they may be making mealtimes worse.  Here are five of these common phrases and why you shouldn't say them.

1. "Oh, 'Suzy' doesn't like that."  I am starting off with one that probably makes me the most crazy.  I am always so surprised by how often I actually hear this and it is usually at a party when there is a ton of food around.  

   Why You Shouldn't Say It: Years ago I was watching Rachael Ray, long before I had kids, and she told this story that has stuck with me...  Before she was on TV, she was in the gourmet food industry, and would be giving samples out of a recipe she had made in grocery stores.  Kids would often watch interested in what she was doing or handing out, yet, when she offered a sample to them, most parents stepped in saying, "They won't eat that."  This story perfectly illustrates my point.  Always, give your child the opportunity to try something new or try something again.  They may surprise you, but more importantly you will be creating an open, inviting, positive environment around a large variety of foods!

Also, try to keep in mind that kids need to try a food at least 10-12 times before you really know if they don't like something, most of the time they haven't even come close to that number (See my Basic Strategies for more info on this). Even if they have tried chicken 30 times, it still doesn't hurt to give it another try.  So what if they don't eat it, no harm no foul.  If you don't want to waste food, just give them a small piece and encourage them to interact with it (touch, smell, taste).  By putting something new or non-preferred on their plate, you are sending a message that you are at least hopeful that they will try a bite, instead of instating or reconfirming a dislike towards a food that you probably wish they would eat.  

2. "Clean your plate!" 'Finish all your food' and 'make a happy' plate both apply here, too!

    Why You Shouldn't Say it: We want to teach kids to eat until they are full not till their plates are clean.  The portions we give them are usually too big and even if they aren't, we want to teach them to respect that feeling of satiation (something so many of us ignore). Of course, if your kiddo has had two bites or you feel they legitimately haven't eaten enough, it's ok to encourage them to eat more, but the goal shouldn't be for them to eat it ALL.

3. "'Sam' is such a picky eater." I have touched on this in other posts and yes, I know I have a regular segment titled "Picky Eater Tips". It wasn't my first choice to use that term, but it is a simple term that people immediately understand, so I caved.  However, I try not to ever say it about my own children and especially not in their presence.  

    Why You Shouldn't Say It: We all know kids are little sponges and miss little of what we say, even when it isn't directed to them.  "Picky eater" has a negative connotation and I always want to keep everything associated with food and eating as positive as possible.  Also, I want to give them the opportunity to move out of picky eating, it isn't set in stone that they will always be "picky eaters".  But, when we use this phrase it may turn into a self fulfilling prophesy, as your child knows the bar hasn't been set very high.  Try and be positive and if you find yourself needing to describe your kid's eating, maybe say something like, "Sam can be particular about what he eats, but we are working on it."

4. "Daddy doesn't like 'peas'." I am not trying to stereotype here, just an example Dad's, this goes for anyone that is regularly eating with your kids.

    Why You Shouldn't Say It:  It isn't fair to kids to expect them to eat the peas when you aren't.  You can't go around making exceptions for yourself because you really really hate peas.  Whoever is regularly eating with your child  should be on the same page about this and at a minimum not make a statement like, "Oh, Daddy doesn't like peas," when they are  wondering why Daddy doesn't have any on his plate.  By drawing attention to an adult's dislike of food you risk opening the door to all kinds of similar statements coming from your child's mouth about their own food preferences.  Besides I am sure you and the other adult's in your kid's life want to set a good example for them to model.  If you or another adult really can't bring yourself to have a bite, then be discreet about it, trying not to call any attention to the fact that you aren't eating them.

5. "What do you want to eat?" Or any litany of specific foods, like, "Do you want bread or cheese or crackers or yogurt, etc."  

    Why You Shouldn't Say It:  Parents tend to use this phrase in two instances.  First, parents will often go to this when a child is refusing to eat what was originally presented.  For instance, you give your kid spaghetti and meatballs and all they do is push it around their plate.  You are frustrated and want them to eat something, so you may say, "What do you want to eat?"  Not a great idea because you are turning yourself into a short order cook and reinforcing the idea that they don't have to eat what you have prepared, but can have whatever they want.  My Basic Strategies page for a lot more info on this.

Second, parents may ask this when they don't know what to feed their kid or want to make sure they are going to eat what they make.  I don't like this because it is giving the child way too much control.  They are likely to keep themselves very limited, only choosing their favorite foods, and reducing exposure to a larger variety of foods.  It also gives them the idea that they are running the ship, which leaves little room for you to encourage a larger variety and/or quantity of food.  Instead of asking what they want, give them a choice between 2-3 foods.  As children get older, I would let them help get into meal planning and reinforce planning a healthy balanced meal.  

This is a do-able list, right?  Erasing some of this language from your conversation is an easy fix that will make your kid a better eater in the long run.  You will be creating a positive environment that your child feels comfortable, and not pressured, to try new foods in!

Are any of these going to be hard habit for you to break? Have any other phrases you think should be on the list?
    

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Not-Spicy Asian Peanut Sauce Recipe for Kids

For those of you following the blog, I am asking for a little patience.  We are in the process of moving and life is more than hectic right now, please forgive the short post, or any delay that may occur with next week's post.  Once we get settled into our temporary housing, (we will be moving again in 3 months), I have lots of wonderful posts and additions to the blog that I am really excited about!

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, I want to share a new recipe I tried and adapted for our family.  As I have mentioned previously, I have been having some difficulty with my now 1 year old's (Ahh, I can't believe he's one!) eating.  Although, I haven't had to deal with concerns about Isaac's weight gain, it has been very stressful for me as a mom.  I have had to give myself little occupational therapy pep talks every day.  Things like, "You can't feed him pizza every night for dinner."  I am very grateful and pleased to say that Isaac's eating has been steadily improving.  Not to keep harping on it, but the Basic Strategies I lay out really are my guide and what I kept relying on with Isaac on a daily basis.  


When I was at my wits end about a week or two ago, I knew I had to sit down and do a meal plan for the the whole family that would challenge Isaac just enough, but not too much that he would refuse to eat. I love to do meal plans, but with the all the chaos of moving, it just  hasn't been happening a lot lately.  I finally got it together but was nervous about one dinner in particular -- Asian night.  I had planned on making egg rolls (store-bought), brown rice, and shrimp stir-fry.  There wasn't any preferred food in this meal for Isaac and I wasn't sure how to incorporate one, especially since he only had a few foods I would consider preferred.  Then it dawned on me to make a sauce, separately.  I wasn't sure if he would respond better to the dry rice or a wet texture.  Isaac likes a lot of flavor and peanut butter (see my note below on feeding peanut butter to kids under 2) so I thought I would try an Asian peanut sauce, problem is they are virtually all spicy, really spicy. I adapted a recipe I found on Good Earth Peanuts.  This recipe is extremely forgiving, so feel free to experiment and use what you have on hand.

Asian Peanut Sauce


3/4 cups of peanut butter (I used Jiff, but I think natural would work well, too)
3 tablespoons of low sodium soy sauce
1 tablespoon of sesame oil (I think you can skip this unless you use natural peanut butter)
1/4 cup of rice wine vinegar
1/2 tsp of garlic powder
1 tsp of hoisin sauce (optional)
1/3 cup of water


Whisk all ingredients together and then heat slowly over a low heat, stirring frequently.  Add more water or vinegar if you would like a thinner consistency.  Also, if you use a sugar free peanut butter, you may want to add 1-2 tbs of brown sugar.


Seriously, this is so easy and tasty.  As you may have realized, I am not providing you with sophisticated gourmet recipes (I wish I had time for those).  The recipes I share on this blog are easy to put together and hopefully get you thinking a little out of the box when it comes to what you are having for dinner.  I want to inspire you to try something new or different with your kids!


As for our dinner, Isaac devoured the sauce mixed in with his brown rice, and even ate some shrimp.  It was a good night for him (and me too)!  I do have to admit, Sam struggled through this dinner and didn't care for the peanut sauce very much, despite his love of peanut butter. He ate enough though, with a lot of encouragement.  You never know how it's going to go, until you try!


I know people might question me on giving Isaac peanut butter before the age of 2.  In a nutshell, (sorry, can't pass up the pun) I have given peanut butter to my boys before the age of 1 because we don't have a family history of food allergies.  I introduced it slowly and am careful to how thick it is when they are young because it can be a choking hazard.   Some research shows that there is no evidence of reduced risk to allergies by waiting to introduce foods when a child is older.  Of course, you should always discuss these concerns and any questions you may have with your child's doctor.  


If you are new to meal planning or looking for more inspiration Modern Parents Messy Kids has a whole series dedicated to the ins and outs of planning ahead. 


What do you think, going to give Asian Peanut Sauce a try?  Follow me on Facebook so you can keep track of other yummy recipes I share on my page!

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Why You Should Let Your Baby (or toddler) Get Messy Eating

Notice how messy my baby is!  He has prunes on his hands, face, and tray.

You are looking at a picture of Sam (who is now nearly 3) while he was in the middle of eating his prunes around 7 months old.  I know he is very messy!  I hope that you have pictures of your babies covered in their food too (I actually have ones worse than this).  But, I fear that many of you don't.  Are you a face scraper?  Don't want to mess up that cute little outfit?  Hey, I know where you are coming from, as a classic type-A personality myself.  Thank goodness my years as a therapist primed me for all the messy moments I have with my own kids now.  


Recently, we were at a party and while I was feeding Isaac a friend with a baby close in age to Isaac walked by with his mouth opened and said, "Oh my gosh, You let him get messy like that? You let him feed himself?"  Before I respond, I look back at Isaac and observe that he has his entire hand in the container of applesauce he is eating and that it is smeared on his ear and the side of his face.  In his other hand, he has a noodle from the pasta salad, I had several on his tray.  It is funny because I had just been looking at him, but I don't even think about the mess, even at a party.  Isaac was having a great time and was eating so well (something he doesn't always do).  He was taking that pudgy little hand with applesauce all over it and putting it in his mouth!  I gave our friend a very watered down response to why you should let your baby get messy, he was in the middle of hosting  his daughter's birthday party.  It got me thinking of all the friends and families I work with and how many times I have had this discussion.  So, I thought it warranted a post, because it is very important to let your babies (and kids) get messy!  Read on to find out why and how you can take baby steps into tolerating the mess (and hopefully embracing it).



Usually when you first start feeding a baby cereal, they are fairly easy to keep clean, since they aren't moving around too much.  Over the next few months they start swiping the spoon and blowing raspberries in their food.   It can get messy in a hurry, for everybody!  I know this can be overwhelming and letting them get messy may seem like more work than it's worth.  Some parents I work with feel like it's neglectful to let their child sit there with food all over them, even if it is during the meal.  I am here to say, throw out the towel (literally) and let them get messy.  Let the food get on their hands, in their hair, and all over their face (and don't make any disgusting faces while they are doing it).  Here are four really good reasons why:

1. Powerful Sensory Play 

Meal times with babes are about more than eating.  Besides learning all sorts of social and cultural norms, it is some of their first active sensory play.  Think about it, you can't put your 7 month old in the sand box or use finger paints because they will eat it.  The tactile stimulation you get from playing in messy textures provides loads of meaningful information to the brain that children process and create more sophisticated responses to.  Babies and children will actively seek these experiences out as part of curiosity, discovery, exploration, and the drive to experience sensory input. 

2. Learning How to Self Feed 

When babies get their hands messy in the baby food, it will eventually dawn on them that when they put their fingers in their mouth they get some food.  A light bulb will go off, "Hey, I can feed myself". It will likely be months before they are spoon feeding themselves, but those early tastes from their own fingers will set the groundwork for this skill and they will likely accomplish it much sooner!  If your baby is getting messy and not putting their hand up to their mouth when it's covered in dinner, take your hand and show them how.

3. Preventing Tactile Defensiveness

When kids aren't exposed to different textures, they can become sensitive to new or different textures over time.  If you keep your baby very clean during meals, they may reach a point when getting messy feels uncomfortable because it such a foreign sensation to them.  This is not to say that all tactile defensiveness is taught, mostly it is not.  Kids that are born tactile defensive will show signs early on as a baby.  The constant wiping with a spoon or napkin to keep the baby clean can actually be more uncomfortable for them.

4. Making it Positive 

If you have been following this blog then you know how much importance I place on keeping mealtimes positive (check out my series on this here, here, and here).  Letting babies get messy keeps a more laid back flow to the whole meal and thus is more positive.  If you are fighting with your baby so they don't grab the spoon or trying to pin them down to wipe their face off after each bite, meal time might not be so positive for baby.




If you wipe your baby's face constantly or don't let them help feed themselves, you are depriving them of a wonderful learning and sensory experience.  Sorry, I know that sounds harsh.  The good news is that it's not too late to let them start to get messy.  As they creep into life as a toddler, you do have start teaching table manners and it may not be a great idea to let them squeeze and slop their food around just for the sake of playing.  But, if they are getting messy just from the act of eating than let it go and while they are younger toddlers a little of the messy play is ok as long as it isn't too distracting.  If you notice your toddler is trying to play with their food a lot, provide them with opportunities to finger paint and play in various sensory bins.




Try to Avoid:

• Taking the spoon and scraping the food that has dribbled out off your babies face.  This can be so uncomfortable or irritating.  Let the mess be!
• Wiping tray off frequently.  If some mess slops on the tray let it go unless it is interfering with finger feeding.  Letting babies slop the mess around with their hands is wonderful sensory play!
• Wiping hands or face with a napkin throughout the meal.  They are washable!  Repeat after me, "It is ok if sweet potatoes are in their hair and behind their ears, it is ok."

Do This:

• Allow your baby or toddler to get messy as long as it doesn't interfere with their ability to see (they wipe their eyes with a messy hand) or feed themselves.
• Wait to the end of the meal to clean up.  If your baby doesn't like getting cleaned, try to take them away from the high chair so they have the positive association from the meal not the getting cleaned up part.
• Consider giving the baby their bath after a particularly messy meal.  Most babies love bath time, and it is often the easiest way to get them clean. 

Was that a good sales pitch?  Did I win over any other neat freaks type-A's (like myself) that want their kids to be clean? If I can do it, so can you!  Embrace the mess!

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