Beaten myself up

Lately I've been comparing myself to others and falling so extremely short of where I would consider i would like to be. 

Regular blogger with incredible insights, gorgeous photography or extremely advanced academic studies taken place. Crossed between an unschooling/natural learning family to one of great intelligence devouring books in all things arty. Filing away step-by-step projects that is helpful for kinaesthetic learners and offering homeschooling advice when really I know nothing at all. 

I am back to juggling life with 3 kids 3 and under. If you've experienced this on a day-to-day basis you know what I'm talking about, if you haven't just keep dreaming all the wonderful visions of crushed rice bubbles on your brother-in-laws kitchen floor. 

Amongst juggling life with 3 kids 3 & under I have my two school children. Two school children who require some sort of one-on-one academic education preferably without distraction daily.

One moment I'm confident with abilities and work being achieved and the next I'm an absolute failure. 

One moment I think the children are doing well and the next they're so far behind in school I just totally suck which drives home the reminder of my failures... And the next moment I'm glad that I can give them the life I am giving them. 

Or perhaps it's not really life as a homeschooler that I am meddling about but life as me. My brokenness remains after all this time and I find myself crying in the shower time and time again. 

Each uttered heartfelt prayer turns into knee-felling sobbing and I'm left knowing I need Jesus more than I did before, every day.

And then he (hubby) says it...

Your inspirational, you should write a book one day

and

Your doing a GREAT job with the children's school 



So I am going to do things 'my' way, the way that best suits OUR family, and OUR learning styles, and OUR interests, according to His purposes with Our lives :)