I enjoy expressing my opinion and writing this blog. The whole premise of Banned From Baby Showers is the freedom to say all the things you feel you can't elsewhere. Maybe it's at a baby shower, a playgroup, a church meeting, or lunch with girlfriends. It's that moment where you decide to keep your opinion (even if it's based on fact) to yourself in order to keep your friends. Here, you don't have to do that. Speak freely.
I honestly enjoy hearing what other people think, even when they disagree with me. No, really. I'm OK with it. I've always said, as long as it's kept respectful, free of foul language and hate, speak your mind. Of course, it's more fun when people agree with me, but it's unrealistic. It would be boring if we all had the same opinion on everything.
My husband and I are of differently political parties. We don't really discuss politics at home though. When we do, our kids hear both sides, so I guess that's good. I've had so many people tell me that it would make them crazy if their spouse were of a different political party, but I love him much more than I do politics or any opinion either of us might hold. This week I did tell him that I was slightly disturbed that the push for the "morning after" pill doesn't bother him. But it was one of those moments when I thought, I'm not going to change his mind by arguing with him and telling him that he's wrong. He's not wrong for having an opinion that is different than mine. It was respectful and the discussion was over as quickly as it started.
With that little bit of history, I had an experience this week that I found indicative of the direction society -- including the birth community -- is heading and it really bugged me. On my BFBS Facebook page, I expressed what I thought of a picture that was floating around in my newsfeed. It had nothing to do with the photographer, but that's how things got all twisted around. I should mention that I never look at who takes a picture because I honestly don't care. If I were a photographer, I might care, but I'm not. I don't even really know what makes one picture artistically better than another. I am clueless. When one photographer critiques another, I don't get it. They all look the same to me. Full disclosure about just how clueless I really am. But I sometimes think that pictures are interesting, sad, angry, or intensely happy. In this case, I thought it was weird. I jumped over to my BFBS Facebook page and said so. I was kind of laughing and kind of shivering all at once! Then I moved on with my day, shuttling kids around to their various activities.
I started getting texts telling me I started a riot. Don't try to go read it - I deleted it. It brought all the crazies out. Here's where my problem is. I was told my opinion was WRONG and that I was being mean. Before that, there were a handful of comments that disagreed with me, which I was fine with. I am not going to have my words twisted around by someone who wants to take me down. Nothing I said had come from a mean place. That is not who I am.
This is what I see that is happening in the natural birth community: It's offensive to say "you can have an amazing birth" because you might offend the people who struggle with infertility. It's offensive to say "husband" because so many people aren't married or you might alienate the gay community. To tell people that you loved your birth is a slap in the face to those that required a c-section. The list goes on and on. No one can share their experience because they might offend someone else. Give me a break.
We've got one blogger who has taken it upon herself to police the other bloggers and make sure they are all politically correct and not making anyone else "feel bad". She is telling people their opinion is WRONG. The birth community has been brainwashed to think we have to stroke everyone's ego so their feelings aren't hurt. Are we that fragile as women? Are we so self-centered to think everything is about us? Honestly, no one can express an opinion EVER because you might hurt someone's feelings and said blogger will come after you. Said blogger has bullied me and others - telling us who to "like" and not "like" on Facebook, what's "appropriate" to say and not say, and actively trying to turn others against us. I hate bullies. I wrote a post last year with said blogger in mind. It's called Bullying on the Playground of Life. For the record, I have never posted to someone else's page and told them they are wrong for having their opinions or supporting things that I do not. It's not my place. Banned From Baby Showers is my page. I will not be treated this way on my own page.
Before you express your OPINION, please stop and think "Am I telling this person her opinion is wrong? Am I respecting her right to her opinion, even if it's not politically correct or my opinion?"
The joke is that I should just write "vanilla" -- plain-Jane, non-offensive posts -- so that my words are not twisted. Quite honestly, I'm not sure I know which those are. I didn't think my comments this week were particularly offensive, just my simple observation and opinion. It was in true Banned From Baby Showers form.
I am not a mean person. I generally like people. I would never post something malicious to pick a fight. I just have an opinion. I think I'm amusing. I like a good discussion, but not so much a fight. Like you, I am very busy. I don't have time for a pointless fight and neither do you! Facebook is the biggest time-suck on the planet. We all have children who want us to get off Facebook. Go have a good day, and remember, everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if you don't agree. Just because you disagree, it doesn't mean they are wrong.
I would like to keep writing this blog, but if this trend of walking on eggshells continues, writing is not fun. I'd rather not write than have to worry who might get offended at my words that are not written with hatred. Like I said this week, I really hate "vanilla". Forgive me if I keep writing with a little spice. If you hate me or what I write, you are invited to either politely disagree or step away.
No comments: