Not because they don't think I should have another baby, moreso they wish they could have one/another one.
I am so conscious of how many people around me want a baby or another baby. There's people who have experienced the heartache of miscarriage, still birth, and others who can't fall pregnant, some who've aborted and regret their decision, others who were ttc for a long long time, others who for some reason or another just can't or won't.
Yet their heart grieves.
Their heart grieves for what they don't have, and here I am rubbing it into their faces of what I've just been given and they don't. Not limited to one person, but many in my immediate vicinity.
But there's a deeper side to this story. This wasn't just a 'oh look I'm pregnant again' this was a journey of trusting and believing that if it is in Gods will for US to have another child then it will happen in His timing.
There's been tears and disappointments and negative tests and confusions. There's been fears and worries.
And that urgency to pray and believe in a miracle - the Holy Spirit Inspired me to pray, ask and be willing to receive. A few times. Then to 'wait'.
There was the realization that my husbands anti-depressants were making him infertile. Fertility returns in around 60 days when coming off the medication, usually - but could we be sure? Was this a permanent side effect to a years worth of medication?
There's been the up and down menstruation cycle that doesn't stick to a proper course, and having to pray that my body does what it was designed to do to bring on a period month after month after month.
Then there's been the head count.. 1, 2, 3, 4, ... Hold on.. I'm only up to 4... Sensing that missing child that's only around when I have an extra with me. Why did I start doing that? And Michael felt that too.
As each month passed I wondered if that was it for our family? Is 4 my number?
Then theres the other side to this:
I learned to be content with that. I learned to settle my heart in the comfort of 4 children already. I learnt to not covet what others have that I don't. I learned that if 4 was 'it' for us then I'd be satisfied with that. And a marvelous thing happened within me. I WAS content with that, I AM content with 4.
I've received FREEDOM from the depths of my womb that how ever many He is willing to allow me to bear, I shall bear. That's healing and being led into freedom.
And I praise God for giving to me my 'minimum' that I wanted. My minimum of 4. Praising God for my blessings.
Even praising Him for my boy/girl sets. That I have an even amount of boys and girls. Not that it matters, and it doesn't!
I praise my God for so many things.
While you look at my life and see yet another pregnancy and another child, you don't see the journey to get this far. And you don't see the heartache that happens in other areas of my and our lives. And that's a huge part of MY life. A part that many others don't have struggles with.
So I'm excited, and rightfully so, but my heart still feels sad for the others who want to share the news I've just shared. I am moved deeply for them and want to celebrate a bit more quieter, and so I shall. And so I have.
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