To say I am blessed is an understatement
To say my weaknesses have once again presented themselves is an understatement.
To say I am more in need of Jesus now, than when I was saved is absolute Truth.
I've just clicked over 26 weeks, my body in its weakened state is swollen, sore and aching. Stiffening up as I move and use it. Comfortable is a past term. Walking seems so torturous. Moving stuff is just about unbearable.
And I find myself cleaning the old house, doing repairs that weren't done previously. I asked for help and only four people offered, to which I am extremely grateful for. And two got sick, really sick.
As in sorry Amy I have to go. I can't help.
How's that for timing?
How's our move for timing?
And yet, this gigantic home has been dumped upon our lap for our family home.
Yes! I am blessed, my family is blessed. And yet.. This miniature season is really hard, it's worn me down to nothing.
The move isn't all that I'm weathering. Unpacking, settling kids in, regular meals, regular new house cleaning and tidying, grocery shopping, bill paying, moving house errands and phone calls, hot weather, new house and surround sounds, feeling so disconnected from my little people because of a to-do-list, and two high energy dogs that are not settling in as well as I need and hope.
With the new areas and noises they're barking, one is chewing everything, including washing on my line, stripping bare the last few towels and a blanket. Many shoes, destroyed. Toys, shredded. Back yard lay in shambles.
And it's all my fault, because I'm pregnant, and I don't have the energy to train her.
She needs a larger home, with carers dedicated to the bettering of her life, and it's not with me, it's not with us. Things have changed now. So much so I am trying to find her a better home. A farm would be perfect!
So she can have a better life.
Yet I find myself with a broken friendship. Over a dog. A dog that would be better spending a life with a different more suitable family. Space to roam and places to run. Trained.
I spend my morning in tears, heart broken, knowing my weaknesses, knowing my imperfections, knowing I've hurt a friend, by accepting her pup and saying no she's got to go.
I spend the rest of the day either crying or on the verge of crying.
I can't believe the mess I'm in.
I ask my Saviour, what is going on with me? And He shows me a picture.
I am in a well.
The well is empty.
There's nothing to drink from an empty well.
And another picture. A half full well, and that's where I need to be. Soaking.
So I read. And I read. And I read.
I begin to feel stronger.
I read from Zechariah and I read from Jeremiah.
I feel stronger again.
I see relevance, and similarities in their special giftings..
I feel stronger even more.
I flick through my note book and am reminded of words, truths, visions, pictures.
Even more strength returning.
And then I read:
Jeremiah 12:5
If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?
My strength restored.
Not because of my perfections, my holiness, my amazingness.
But because at the beginning of the creation of this world my Creator God saw fit to call me a daughter of His, and to send His Son as a living sacrifice for my sins, my wrong doings, my foolishness.
All I had to do?
Cry out to Him.
He was right there all along.
5 things I am Thankful for:
1. Our new and improved super large family home
2. 2-4 helpers cleaning and keeping my head above water
3. Growing life within my womb
4. His Grace being sufficient for me
5. This season being almost over, over in just a few days
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